busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, August 19, 2017

    dear tony, why haven’t you written in like sooooo long? 

    dear britney,

    omg i know. right?

    picked up these four kids in beverly hills. i mean kids.

    seventh grade.

    we’re headed to the grove and unlike many of the kids i occasionally get on uber or lyft, these boys are really well behaved.

    what’s going on at the Grove today, boys? i ask.

    “nothing much. just signing some autographs, waving to the tourists.” one of them say.

    we drove down 3rd Street and i was all, what are those people standing in line for?

    must have been 30-40 people.

    “sneakerheads!” the kid next to me says.

    is that all, i ask

    kid goes “yeah, shoes are overrated.”

    one of his friends in the back says, “whatever, Gucci.”

    another says “dude’s got Gucci flip flops!”

    kid next to me says, “they’re my uncle’s”

    i demand to see said flip flops. they’re quickly produced.

    kid has black socks on and black Gucci sandals

    manufacturer’s suggested price: $200.

    i go, well, they are cool.

    agreements all around.

    i say, answer me a question about the 7th grade.

    eagerly they await my amazing ponder.

    i ask, what do 7th graders think of our president?

    from the back, a kid says, “oh donald dunk. donald dump? uh…”

    another finishes the thought, “everyone hates him.”

    Gucci next to me says, “well a few say they like him but we all yell at them.”

    we took a selfie at a stop light. they added me on Insta.

    and when i dropped them off they all waved and said thank you!

    thank YOU

    Thank YOU!

  2. Thursday, August 17, 2017

    hi future, it’s 2017 and we’re talking about nazis 

    and whats weird is we have a president who is afraid and angry about

    every damn thing

    but he’s not afraid or angry about Nazis, Russia, or Vladmir P on the wheels of steel.

    as you know every Sunday for the last 25 years i have read the bible for an hour.

    and when i do i put on either Miles Davis, John Coltrane or Thelonious Monk

    which might not always be the best idea because i love that music so much i sometimes fall asleep.

    one of my favorite Monk records is “Underground” which I really should read up on because the cover alone is fantastic, in particular one aspect of it

    namely the Nazi tied up in the corner.

    the thing i don’t get about todays political climate is if we had seen the resurrection of the Black Panthers,

    with black folk marching around with torches and mace and open carrying semi-automatic weapons

    and Heaven forbid one of them got in a muscle car and killed someone

    trump’s head would have exploded and there would have been marshall law.

    instead we barely know this suspect other than the fact his mom is in a wheelchair and he has a history of being abusive to her. WHICH SHOULD BE BAD ENOUGH AND ENOUGH REASON TO SAY NAZI BAD.

    we live in a politically correct world where there seems to be two groups of people: those who seriously dont give a fuck and those who try super hard not to step on any toes.

    and both of those sides tend to be consistent with which political beliefs they eschew.

    so unfortunately there is not much room in the Venn Diagram for discourse.

    yet there should be.

    maybe there isn’t room because when the IDAF speak, what they say is so hateful and ignorant that it gets to their bosses and they (rightfully) get fired because who wants a Nazi in the building with access to the server?

    but we are not going to get anywhere until we hear the fears of our brothers and sisters and allow them to speak their minds.

    because it isnt until they speak from their hearts that we can help their anxiety.

    i mean, i wouldn’t know, as a black man born to parents from the South, but i can imagine if you and your family have been somewhere for hundreds of years

    and all of you have been able to call most of the shots in your life and have privilege and live in the best neighborhoods and can travel unmolested

    that you might be fearful thinking of the fact that those who have been oppressed over time might want a little payback once the tables turn.

    but heres the thing they dont realize: minorities don’t want payback.

    we want peace.

    we want love.

    we want all the things contained in the ideal of the American Dream

    and violence and revenge might make for great Tarantino movies but they bloody the cul-de-sac, so fuck that.

    there are great black neighborhoods all over the USA.

    i yearn for a tv show where they assemble some of those Americans and sit them down with the freaked out white males and educate them that we have our own problems, we don’t have time to treat others the way we and our ancestors have been treated.

    we want simple simple things: respect, opportunity, and the ability to move freely and grow our families.

    if you don’t trust me, trust that Good Book you flip through on Sundays.

  3. Wednesday, August 16, 2017

    theres times i get negative, but for the most part all i can see is opportunity 

    i dont know why.

    it might be from being a Cub fan and if we focused too much on the failure that the Cubs have been over the years, it would have killed us.

    so instead we focused on the pretty ivy or the beautiful scoreboard that was updated by hand.

    or how green the grass always was

    or the bricks

    or the cold beer in the bleachers

    and the wonderfully funny fans.

    fat guys (like me now) with our shirts off.

    which i hear is illegal now.

    or the fact that we had no lights at Wrigley

    which i hear they changed in 1988.

    Seek and ye shall find, the good book says

    so why seek for bad and evil and disgusting all the time

    when what we really wanna find is joy

    and beauty

    and love and

    miracles.

  4. Tuesday, August 15, 2017

    the key to success is to keep trying weird ass shit 

    the World Champion Chicago Cubs did something a little different yesterday

    actually, World Series Champion manager Joe Maddon tried something different.

    the mighty Joey Votto of the Cincinnati Reds was up. he’s a super good hitter.

    so Maddon took his third baseman, the reigning NL MVP Kris Bryant

    and placed him between the left and center fielders.

    this allowed his corner outfielders to get closer to the foul lines

    and it tempted Votto to sacrifice his power and instead poke the ball to the wide open spaces of left.

    Maddon is well renown for trying new approaches to the centuries old baseball

    AND BEST OF ALL, HE IS ALLOWED TO EXPERIMENT

    sure there are critics from time to time who spout stupid ass shit but he’s got a ring and they don’t, so suck it, traditionalists.

    what Maddon did last night and does frequently by doing things like batting the pitcher 8th and having a dance party after every win, is what many successful people do:

    whatever they damn well please as long as they continue to win.

    yesterday Votto creamed a hanging curveball over first base for a double

    BUT STILL WHAT JOE TRIED WAS AWESOME

    SO SHUT UP.

    (Cubs won 15-5, btw)

  5. Monday, August 14, 2017

    ive seen a lot of things in my life and im only half way done 

    one thing ive seen is the magic power of the people.

     

    ive also see the magic power of super terrible d bags.

    other day i was walking down my street and this family was walking their new puppy.

    puppy squats down and unloads a big steaming log.

    nice old asian lady was watching to see what they were gonna do because it was gross.

    family just kept moving.

    lady yells PICK UP AFTER DOG

    PICK UP AFTER DOG!

    the dad placed his cigarette into his mouth and raised his hand up in the air and flipped her a bird.

    my mouth was agape.

    old lady’s mouth was agape!

    even the little puppy’s mouth was agape because even the puppy knew you shouldnt flip off old ladies.

    then from above us the clouds grew dark, congregated, shook a little

    and then lightning struck the dad dead right there on Cahuenga.

    a little smoke rose from his heap.

    the dog sniffed the dad only to be tugged away by the leash which was now being held by the mom.

    the family began walking again.

    old lady yelled PICK UP AFTER DAD

    PICK

    UP

    AFTER

    DAD!

  6. Sunday, August 13, 2017

    and they will be met with fire and nonchalance 

    several times in the Good Book it’s mentioned that we should have a fear of God.

    i think that means we shouldn’t worry that on Judgement Day he will overlook the big stuff

    of course he will bring up all the good and bad things you did.

    but to me the fear of God is he will also remember all the little details.

    like who did you support when it came to racism, intentional ignorance, and hate.

    simple things like that.

    aint no fucking Nazis in Heaven

    why should there be any in America?

    that’s what a president should say.

  7. Friday, August 11, 2017

    the older i get the more i want to direct a movie 

    things people should do before they die

    1. see a Tom Waits concert
    2. fly a helicopter
    3. attend the world series
    4. swim in both the pacific and the atlantic
    5. experience an earthquake
    6. write a book
    7. direct a movie
    8. have a spiritual breakthrough
    9. experience poverty
    10. spin records on FM radio within Safe Harbor
    11. starve for 30 hours
    12. spend the night outside waiting in line for something
    13. visit Sweden
    14. dine in Lyon
    15. sit in the bleachers of Wrigley Field
    16. spend the night in Sedona
    17. pray in Jerusalem
  8. Thursday, August 10, 2017

    took amber to see her hero Lady Gaga last night at the Forum 

    Lady Gaga
    The Fabulous Forum
    The Joanne Tour

    is Lady Gaga a genius? hmmmm. i have seen her perform live now four times. the first was with Yoko Ono which was magical.

    the last time I saw her was a few years ago with amber and it was less than magical.

    last night there were moments that were super emotional and it made me think that despite all the glitz and showwomanship and glitter and whoha, what Lady Gaga should do is an acoustic tour with maybe a small string section.

    Because when Gaga strips it down her voice is one of the best there is. She can belt out tunes so easily it’s crazy.

    Since she writes everything she performs, she knows precisely where the notes are going and she is like Michael Jordan

    she approaches the climax but gets bored along the way and switches hands, spins, and dunks it home

    seemingly to entertain herself, first, and then the ever-appreciative crowd.

    all of that gets lost with the video screens and weird fake clouds and lasers and dancers and band that she thinks so little of that she didn’t even introduce or acknowledge them last night.

    is Gaga a good dancer? no. her moves consist of an advanced version of The Robot.

    her costumes aren’t even that outrageous any more.

    there once was a time when Elton John, David Bowie, and even Motely Crue outdressed their audience, but Gaga is outshined by her Little Monsters every night – fashion wise

    WHICH IS OK.

    what’s not ok is IF she is a genius, it’s being overshadowed by layers and layers of production

    last night she was almost literally stepping over her fans in the general admission arena floor to walk over to the second stage on the far end of the Forum to appease the people in the cheap seats.

    while it’s admirable to give love to the people in the nosebleeds, maybe the worst “seats” for this tour are the ones on the floor because either Gaga is on a riser on the stage that’s constantly in motion or she’s strutting on a temporary bridge above them.

    we originally sat slightly behind the stage (because im a cheap bastard and the $200 face-value tix were going for $75 on Stubhub) but after a few tunes we realized that we really should dance ourway to a more practical section.

    The Lord was looking down on us and lead us to maybe the best seats in the house, middle, lower, right on an aisle next to two middle aged fans who, when asked, informed us that no one had sat there all night.

    in front of us was a mom with her 7-8 year old daughter.

    the mom valiantly tried to cover her darling angels eyes during an R-rated video montage (used so Gaga could do a costume change, of which there were 3-4 through the night). Later she covered her ears when the singer talked about how she was going through a phase of “owning my Inner Whore.”

    even though there were a sprinkling of grade school kids here and there, at these prices, the kids were rightfully left at home.

    and if anything this show was meant for The Gays, and they were in attendance in full force.

    Before sitting down to her see-through colorful grand piano she asked if there were any members of the LGBTQ

    pretty much the whole place erupted.

    Hers is a very loving, accepting, free-spirited environment where All Are Welcome and it is very much an evening to dance.

    But, she is such an overwhelmingly talented performer that it rarely comes across in a setting with booming bass, pyrotechnics, and endless array of distractions.

    While it’s obvious that she is doing an excellent job of appeasing her base, when she actually started playing that technicolor piano, the well meaning mom gushed with tears as Gaga performed an acoustic version of “Edge of Glory”. When the singer hesitated a beat to compose herself, the audience sang the next line in unison which sent chills down my back and made the mom cry even more.

    THAT is what you can do when your audience loves you, has memorized every word, and does not need the crutch of production to be connected to you.

    didn’t touring with Tony Bennett teach you anything girl?

    If I had any advice to Gaga it would be: do a tour where you play guitar for a few tunes, then piano for the rest, then during the encore have a 20 minute dance party.

    last night there were 0 encores, 0 opening acts, 0 intermissions and even though the Forum Facebook page said she would start at 7:30p, the show started well after that.

    still, today, I keep humming

    “Just Dance.. do do do do do…”

  9. Wednesday, August 9, 2017

    do you realize 

    That you have the most beautiful face
    Do you realize we’re floating in space,
    Do you realize that happiness makes you cry
    Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die
    And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know
    You realize that life goes fast
    It’s hard to make the good things last
    You realize the sun doesn’t go down
    It’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
    – The Flaming Lips

    Continue reading “do you realize”

  10. Tuesday, August 8, 2017

    what if the sun’s a lie 

    what if these rich white men don’t know what theyre doing

    what if that dude in korea hates his life, hates what hes done to his people, is sick of that terrible music

    and is all, you know, fuckit fire le missile.

    what if his generals are all, but sir

    and what if he says, i said fire le missile!

    and what if his generals say

    first of all it’s not french, you are not french

    and even if we all were french it would be

    LA MISSILE

    because it would cause the Mother of All Dumb Events

    what if that general was ushered away for speaking out of turn.

    what if my whole life is me speaking out of turn.

    what if they usher me away one day

    why havent they yet?

    am i the usher?

    am i the way?

    are you the day?

    what if the suns a lie and its not there to give us warmth but to kill us.

    what if bruce is only half right and everything dies but it dont come back.

    what if God is like Life is a toothpaste tube and i dont squeeze that shit back in it.

    even though i could.

    what if theres a world where the toughest part of their olympics is

    shoving paste back in the tube.

    and people love the people who can do it the best, with no mess?

    that would not be a world that i would want to party with.

    the older you get the fewer ragers you go to

    even though now you know the cops.

    and even though cops, like the sun, are also lies.