nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, April 24, 2015
  2. funny thing happened in the desert 


    in the middle of the tornado of drinking rocking eating not sleeping came a still soft voice in the wilderness

    it said tony you may not realize this but there are lots of people who love you

    (i did not know this)

    and you should take care of yourself because we want you around for the duration.

    in one hand was a deep fried jack in the box taco

    in the other was a super big gulp of coke.

    and below that was my bulging belly.


    it was eerie how the voice knew that i had given up on my health.

    somehow it knew i hadn’t been hiking any more, hadnt been dating since the blonde.

    and sorta chucked everything except for my job and a half.

    but desert voices know all, which is why they’re so valuable.

    and why we miss out when we dont go out there to retune our heartstrings.

    so yesterday i went to whole foods and made a salad.

    and only drank a quarter can of pop.

    drove less and slept more.

    you know, all the things you promise yrself on new years.


    i dont know what i was rebelling against other than the xbi.

    i didnt want myself to be recruitable.

    also i wanted the ladies to love me for my heart, not my abs.

    even though my heart was being corroded by corn syrup and mediocrity.

    its funny how we can be our own worst enemy.

    not funny ha ha but funny oh crap i cant even fit into my pj pants.


    this week ive been unsubscribing from junk mails

    which isnt exactly the same as hiking, but its baby steps.

    but sunday i’ll see you at runyon, terrible big hill.

  3. Thursday, April 23, 2015

    thinking about writing a new book 

    oh shit was that today

    about all the girls i made out with.

    the first time i made out with them.

    but i’ll change all their names.

    and change all the places.

    but keep the music we were listening to.

    or the music that was going through my head.

    bestseller, bitch.

  4. Wednesday, April 22, 2015

    she says she has writers block, but thats a crock 

    zuliekayou know who has writers block? the ugh percent.

    the over fed and over thinking.

    bukowski never had no damn writers block.

    the poor and hungry can write and write and write.

    ever kiss a girl who hasnt been kissed properly in a long time? she’ll kiss you all night. you’ll wake up and she’s kissing you. you leave for work and she needs to give you one two three four more kisses so you’ll miss yr bus.

    the words want to come out of you. you know you have stories to tell thoughts to express feelings to emote blushes to gush. africans dont get eating disorders or peanut allergies.

    this is all american bs that we thrust on ourselves to stop ourselves from being vulnerable and deep and interesting and magical. imagine if tolstoy and shakespeare and hemingway and twain said aw no one wants to hear any more stories about the mighty mississippi or fingering anna karenina or drinking in DTLA. imagine if van gogh listened to that little voice in his ear saying no one wants any more fucked up fields of weeds growing beneath the twisty blue sky.

    vincent van did the exact right thing, he cut off that voice in his ear and mailed it to his gay lover.

    part of the job of being creative is jumping over the obstacles that appear in our way to the goal: and the goal is to write down the dreams the angels are whispering. sure they could write it themselves but its better when it comes through us.

    its like when someone covers dylan. or when springsteen sings an old 60s tune during the fifth encore.

    it’s our jobs to write write write dance drink party write kiss rock fuck rinse and repeat.

    never forget.

  5. Tuesday, April 21, 2015

    for some reason katie and i were in the kitchen talking about acid 

    LSDbut like most of my stories, the heart of the conversation was about Jesus and how i am a huge disappointment to Him.

    im pretty sure when i was born all the angels and saints were all omg is that tony, is that the one who’s gonna invent the Rock n Roll Church?

    and a few of the naked cherubs smoking little joints and tuning their harps were all, fuck yeah, thats him.

    one night i was in bed with young barefooted linda and we had accidentally been poisoned by some acid so we ran to my house to weather the storm and one thing led to another and soon i was naked.

    eventually linda was too and i was all whats these hickies on your body. she said joe gave those to me the other day. i said but joe’s dating callie.

    she said yep.

    and it made me very sad because i loved joe and callie as a couple and i could see why youd be tempted by linda, she was one of the sexiest girls in town but so was cal, so when linda took a smoke break i wrote a little story to alert callie that her man was straying.

    why? because when you’re young and in college and youve just been the victim of a psychedelic poisoning those are the sorts of dumb things you do.

    within hours callie was pissed and joe had been kicked outta the house and chris called me and said Get Out of the House, Joe’s coming over to kill you!

    but at this point the poison had really kicked in and i could barely even make out with linda let alone find my shorts and shoes in order to run out into the wilds of Isla Vista. plus where was i gonna hide? our town was one square mile.

    so i said linda we have to fill this apartment with Love. hold my hand and close your eyes and just think of loving things. she said like of what? i said just hearts, imagine red cartoon hearts bouncing out of your heart and filling up this apartment.

    before we could get a foot high of hearts BOOM BOOM BOOM went the door

    open the fuck up! joe shouted. we could see the door give a little with each pound.

    our hearts evaporated. but still i told linda: fill up this bedroom with love. and i put on a robe and went to the door.

    BANG BANG BANG went the door and i said coming! hold on!

    and i opened the door and Joe stood there looking like ted nugent: long hair, scraggly beard, wild eyed and pissed.

    and all i did was open my arms and thought good thoughts for like 20 seconds.

    and slowly walked to him to hug him. he pushed me and said f you. i said no, i love you Joe and im sorry but i had to tell her. i f’ed up but you did too. he said but you f’ed up more! you told! i said, fine, i f’ed up more. i’ll accept that, but you have to hug me or we’ll never fill up this apartment with love.

    and he reluctantly hugged me and Linda peeked out from the mostly closed bedroom door, shocked that i wasnt being pummeled by Joe, who, by the way was already pissed because he was headed to jail in a few weeks. and we all sat down and tried to figure out how we could make Callie unpissed at joe And at linda. i eventually walked over to her apartment with him. startling everyone because they thought he was gonna return with my head. my beautifully afroed head.

    when that negotiation was over, i skateboarded back to my apartment where linda was snoozing away and i turned on the tape deck and bob dylan was singing something off Saved and a still silent voice said ok tony, youve done it all, you can come up to heaven now. and at first i was all, wow, cool. but then i said, oh wait no no no i dont wanna die.

    and the voice said ok well if you dont come up right now theres three things youve gotta do. number one, dont ever get poisoned again. i was all ok. second, stop getting naked with linda. i said noooooo. i love her. voice said too bad, and third spread the word. the hardest demand of all. because who wants to be That guy.

    but i heard dylan very subtly talk about his love of the Lord in Jokerman and i was all oooooooh i can do it like that? sweet. and ive never been poisoned again.

  6. coachella is exhausting expensive eclectic electric 

    coachella 2015

    psychedelic nauseating uncomfortable unreal unnatural and absolutely beautiful

    you’ll see bands you’ve never seen before and’ll never see again even though you loved them

    you’ll pay $11 for a beer and tip $3 because the computer screen suggested it.

    it’ll be so warm you wont even need a flannel at 2am on your walk back to the traffic jam.

    but you will hit some out of the blue moments of clarity.

    inspirational insights.

    music should always be playing and at a festival it is.

    except when you need it most: on the long walk back to your ride.

    coachella should invite all of the best buskers to line the paths and sing songs to the kids

    songs of freedom.


    the kittens play it tough during the week and keep their distance for the most part

    but if i leave for a few days they get super affectionate and downright clingy on my arrival.



    i dont like drake but i did watch his performance at coachella

    it was inspiring because i saw my own failures in his and it was painful

    but it will help me be better at stuff which is good.

    one thing i learned was dress up when people pay you a wheelbarrow of money

    the other was always have a live band back you up when you can

    and the most important thing that jack white had that drake didnt was

    give the drummer some.

    this is hip hop, a descendant of r&b, which gave birth to rock.

    it is american music rooted in african american beats.

    the drums are everything.

    grateful dead was the whitest band ever and even they had two drummers

    drake is just not that interesting alone on a giant stage in the middle of the night


    get your crew on that stage too

    and let them shine.

  7. Sunday, April 19, 2015

    my nose is sniffling from the dust 


    but my soul is clear. there was a boat in the desert.


    spent a lot of time in the craft beer tent because it was shady and had craft beer

    they had these double the power beers that had twice the alcohol

    but they only gave them to you in little cups.

    for the low price of $11.

    so i stuck to the regular sized cups.


    my man paul, the secret weapon of the LA Times recently quit the paper for a start up.

    we ran into him at the grocery store on Thursday, turns out he’s renting a house near us

    so we said meet us at the craft beer tent at 4:20 and there he was with his bro and his friend.

    his bro wins for that beebs shirt


    behind the craft beer tent is this run down bar. my guess is the polo club uses it but they pull up the carpet when they know we’re arriving. or maybe they never use it. seems run down, but homey.

    decided this should be a pop-up Denny’s next year.

    breakfast served all day


    the best of the night was Jack White who shredded and stopped and preached and made everyone turn to their neighbor and say peace be with you.

    this was katie after it was all over.


    best invention: the phone chargers all over coachella


    last night we met some cool people from the LA Weekly, one of whom i’d met before, the famous hip hop writer Jeff Weiss.

    after i introduced myself  he was all, of course, tony pierce, i know you, ive read the busblog.

    made my night


    last night’s ac/dc was super good. they played all their hits and a few new ones, never once acknowledging us. playing at us, basically.

    i was super curious what the kids who had never seen them thought, but watching their smiles as we went home told me my answer.

    as Jack White said last night, music is sacred

    it has been a joy to share that bounty with these kids in this magical desert.

  8. Thursday, April 16, 2015

    we’re back in palm desert 


    these digs are so much better than my rancid air bnb from last week.

    in fact thats a sony xbr above the fireplace and a denon bose sound system

    we’re blasting nirvana through my bluetooth speaker because theres no mini to RCA cord

    design flaw


    rarely do i get to drink because im ubering

    but this weekend im not driving.

    thus, say hi to my delicious friends

  9. Wednesday, April 15, 2015

    took a train yesterday to ucsb to say hey to the daily nexus 


    in the middle of the greatest school in the world is the greatest college paper in the world

    and yesterday i was invited to speak to them after their first year being primarily digital

    i took the train because the thesis of the hour was do shit differently

    and id never taken the train to ucsb before


    when it was all over, they cracked up a special bottle of scotch, we drank for a little while

    and then i was sped off to the train station by the beautiful outgoing EIC and her personal driver


    then i took the train home as the sun set over the pacific

    and i wondered if i hit all the themes i wanted to hit


    i told them to work twice as hard as they did last year for the next four years.

    i told them the truth, which is, most of the people they are peers with are easily beat if they did one thing:

    produce twice as much stuff, master social media, and if you can’t do that: just use social media, omg.

    somehow the details as to how i got fired and banned from the daily nexus were divulged

    which provided some nice comic relief

    but the main point i had was just work your ass off for the years youre in college

    and the first couple years out of college and you’ll be shot out of a cannon.

    i think that sunk in.


    it was very nice to be in that magical office again


    and strangely, super nice to hang out downtown santa barbara for an hour.

    might have to do it again sometime.