tomorrow i start therapy

sesame street

today i filled out all this paperwork which basically asked the same basic bitch questions over and over.

there should be a national database for that.

i know i know ppl could use it for evil, but grow up, Putin already knows more about me than my damn soon to be shrink does so why not just let her have what he has and call it a day

seriously 10 pages of things i had to fill out and “sign” including my name address and phone numbers

how is that not given to her from kaiser? how is that even a question?

im a little nervous about all of this because everyone says you probably wont get along with your first few therapists and so does that mean 30 pages of paperwork awaits me?

today i learned that the US are thinking about spending 100 billion on 600 nuclear missiles.

i looked it up and there are 3.5 million FT and PT public school teachers.

you could give all of them a $20k bonus and still have money left over to fund music and the arts programs nationwide.

who’s launching nukes against anyone these days?

its all cyber warfare now. stealing my data. and a lot more than my dumb social security number.

these people know patterns. inventory. passwords.

we dont need 100 billion in bombs we’ll never launch.

we need smart, well prepared teachers

to produce smart, well prepared kids.

bombs are for dumbasses who dont know how to close.

did my taxes

thought i was gonna be able to pay off a credit card from my giant return

after watching snl though i went back to look at my return to bask in its glory

then noticed a terrible mistake

i had handed my tax preparer my w-2 from 2019, not 2020

maybe i’ll get a free burrito now instead.

which is fine.

i like burritos.

im in a bad mood, so lets talk about good friday

im in a bad mood because i just went through all of my expenses for last year bc im seeing my tax lady tomorrow, who i love, but still, last year was Rough and i had no idea how much money i spent on just fixing my car alone.

but todays good friday so lets talk about the Lord

i was in a Zoom call today and someone said good friday is actually sad

and i wanted to get into it but zoom’s lag is so bad that i fucking hate it

anyways good friday is good.

this was the part in the movie where Jesus

had to die.

first so he could pay for our sins

but also so he could rise from the dead.

both of those things are the coolest ever so whats the biggie being “dead” for a few days?

no one ever talks about the shitty time he spent right before his death wandering in the desert for 40 day and 40 nights being tempted n shit

and those temptations are so not-so-hard temptations.

hey Jesus, jump off this cliff, the angels will save you

hey Jesus, sell out to me and all of this will be yours

hey Jesus, if you’re so hungry, make bread outta this rock

those are super hard for the son of God?

maybe they are.

not being on social media for most of the day is hard for me.

not arguing with people on twitter is hard for me

so i guess everythings relative

i also dont think Good Friday is sad except for one moment when Jesus really became man

it was the part where he was nailed to the cross and He thought death was about to come

and it didnt

he just laid up there

actually suffering

actually paying for all of our sins

all at the same time

and it probably hurt like hell

in all the ways imaginable

in super villain ways

unbelievable pain that Only the son of God could withstand without dying

and then He probably hurt so band He thought it’ll be ok because this will just kill me and i can party back home in Heaven annnnny minute

and it didnt come

and Jesus yelled out

WHY HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME?

like you would if your uber just doesnt fucking come

even if the little dot is like a block away and its been there since for ever it feels

and thats when Jesus felt human

and it fucking sucked.

then he died.

good.

friday.

it’s hard not to take glee when bad things happen to bad ppl

but we make due.

a wild congressperson is being accused of being involved in teenage prostitutes

ironic because the loudest supporters of his party and cause have been on a years-long obsession with pediphilias and here one of their poster boys just might have gotten his hand caught in the cookie jar

i have a lot of things to ask God if He has time for me IF i make it to Heaven. one of them is how was i supposed to feel about this?

this guy was a man who didnt care that guns were killing kids, didnt care about the environment being in a crisis, didn’t care about the healthcare system, and proudly was the only person who voted against a human trafficking law.

my heart wants to celebrate his downfall but i dont think Jesus would approve.

cubs lost their home opener today. it was cold. bats were cold too.

not crazy about our new announcer Boog. he wants the NL to have the DH and thats a non starter for me. kick him out.

i cleaned my kitchen and bathroom, took two naps, then did the dishes.

been doing some freelance work for Sass but any time i finish it im exhausted bc i put my heart in it.

also the covid vaccine has worn me out.

i hope i get my energy back tomorrow.

i got the shot

when i called my mom she said YOU GOT SHOT?

i was all, YES BUT THOSE DIRTY COPPERS WILL NEVER GET ME.

it was not a long wait. i wrote about it for my medium blog.

i met a bunch of people because i was in the best mood and we were all stuck together.

and when it was over, on my way to my car, i nearly cried out of sudden relief

all of this had built up in me.

probably in you too.

all of this angst and fear OF DEATH and this fucked up invisible hatchet man who seemed to arrive in people’s lungs with no rhyme nor reason

we see all these jackholes vacationing and partying and running around with no mask

and for all we can tell they dont get sick.

then you hear about this one or that one who “did everything right” and either they get it and die or get it and feel so lucky not to die.

i got a burrito at Tacos Arizas got home and soon became very sleepy and passed out in my robe.

was it relief? was it the drug? was it the angels saying go have super weird dreams as lana del rey goes through an hour of material?

yes

lil nas x partnered with a company that made a Satan Shoe

the company bought 666 pairs of Nikes, added some words and colors to it

put a drop of human blood in the sole

and called it the Lil Nas X Satan Shoe.

Nike is suing, which I can’t understand, because you can bedazzle a pair of jeans and sell them on ebay

you can customize a Vette and sell it for more

why can’t you do that to a dumb pair of shoes?

this woman on Twitter broke the lawsuit down beautifully:

Continue reading

ist 326am and im procrastinating for some reason

i thought i had kicked this last week but here it is.

i was off to a good start yesterday but it was 80 degrees so i took a walk and kept walking because LA is fantastic.

ate two tacos: shrimp, fish.

drank an orange crush because im 9.

kept walking then was involved in a high level business call that included the words, “offer letter”

i said dont rush on that. hes such a nice person i dont know if the ideas im giving him are as good as he’s reactions are or if he’s just nice.

but we talked for two hours, which is an hour less than last time and he lives near zulieka so if i get the job maybe i can share a grilled cheese with her.

then it was time for dinner.

the other night i poured a can of minestrone in a pot and added beyond beef sausage, avocados and peas. by some miracle there was leftovers. dinner.

then moxie called with a lot of questions including the dreaded word: podcast.

that thing could either make me a million or ruin my life entirely.

a six year podcast. who wants that? i dont even have the attention span to watch an entire music video without going for my phone. how am i going to be committed to a 6 year project?

the only way i can even fathom it is by convincing myself that after a year it will have become so popular that people will be throwing themselves at me to tell me what to do next and heres a whole lotta money to do it.

i really need a microphone.

dear tony are you sad and lonely?

moxie is worried. she is a long time friend of the blog and she has been reading and called me tonight to ask me if im ok.

i was all yeah, why?

she said bc you wrote something sad about amber and work and lack of work and lack of amber…

so heres the crazy thing about this blog. i will write it late at night and then fall asleep. in the morning i have no idea what i wrote.

do i miss amber? of course. i miss all my ex gfs. i wish they would all write me and send me pictures and tell me that they love me. but they are too smart for that. and thats not how life works.

amber was special. we lived together for the whole trump administration. when the capitol attack happened we went our separate ways. it was just a coincidence that that was the day but that was the day.

i miss having someone around who knows a lot about me. i miss all the little touches that she added to my place. i miss having someone to go on road trips with who would read me stories off the internet. i miss all those things and i miss her pure heart.

but sometimes the movie is over. sometimes the book ends. also: i turned into someone who i did not like. i was bossy to her. i was critical AF. i micromanaged. i doubted.

i did all the things you should not do to an air sign, namely, i kept her in her little cage due in part to COVID. air signs need to be free and i was afraid that if she went out into the world she would come back with the Rona and we would both die and the cats would die because they wouldn’t have anyone to feed them. so much death.

tomorrow im getting my shot. i texted amber to help her get her shot. then when moxie called i helped her schedule her appointment. everyone should be safe and happy soon.

in conclusion: im not a good person deep down. im probably going to Hell. but tomorrow at this point i will be protected, mostly, from COVID-19. praise Jah.

dont tell anyone but i might be getting a job soon

and like all the other jobs i shoulda already got,

it is idealistic and needed, creative and inspiring

and if everything goes right i’ll be able to do it from whereever i want, which includes the tropical island of maui

or tokyo

or jamaica

or for a month or so, wrigleyville, illinois

maya rudolph was the host of snl on saturday

and they did this nice thing as a tribute to her mom, minnie riperton.

they posed her in these images based on her mom’s albums.

minnie’s mom, like jeanine’s died at 31 of breast cancer.

i talk to my mom all the time and i dont know what i would do without her.

just today she sent me a photo of a box of baseball cards from a department store

and luckily i was near the phone when it dinged

do you want these? she asked.

and indeed i did!

my mom told me that because the world is upside down right now she forgot that easter is next sunday and therefore her annual easter basket will not arrive on time.

but i must say it’s ok.

ironically, minus amber, my house is filled with food, in part because i have little appetite.

everythings crazy. everything.

something crazy happened just today.

i was on facebook, because im addicted. and someone said

if you are 50 or over they just opened the floodgates and if you get on it you can get an appointment to get your vaccination shot in the next few days.

and sure enough i got one for tuesday.

which means on wednesday imma

do exactly what i do now

stay up late

wake up at noon

think up crazy ideas that might be crazy enough to work

read everything that twitter can feed me

try not to pick fights with strangers

and then smoke weed around 2am in hopes of getting to sleep by 4.

what have i been eating? glad you asked.

theres been wild sales on campbell soup lately. like $1.50 a can.

i’ll put one of those cans in a pot

then i’ll add a bunch of peas or carrots or broccoli because george bush didn’t like em.

then i’ll toss in some pasta or rice.

basically beef it all up real good.

then when its almost done i’ll top it with some shredded cheese which melts real good

then i’ll grab an avocado and put that on top.

i do the dishes about every 3-4 days.

cooking cleaning and helping peoples dreams come true.