nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, February 17, 2017

    just because youre nice doesnt mean yr not the boss 

    she was all, i want you to do this thing

    i said you should probably change that verb

    to what?

    how about to one where you are begging.

    you mean, tony i beg of you to do this thing?

    i said thats a start in the right direction.

    she said, please tony, im begging?

    i said, keep practicing in that ball park.

    the sad thing about the world is there are very few leaders.

    there are repeaters, and they dont even do that very well

    there are followers, many of whom stray.

    and there are doe eyed believers.

    but leaders, especially those who know where to go and how to get there

    are few and diminishing.

    for some reason she wants to tell me what to do in my house and in my bed


    gigantic mistake.

    and proof she has been lusting the wrong white boys.

    brothers dont play that game.

    other day i was driving through a bad part of town. but crazy me, i forgot i was driving a benz.

    young dude, looked to be have hispanic half black, skinny, hungry, wild eyed

    he was sitting at the bus stop then he jumped up when he saw me not flinch when our eyes met

    the light was red and he approached my rolled up window. he tapped.

    i rolled it down a smidge.

    “whats your name” he asked and yanked the door handle

    knife glistening in his sweaty waistband.

    Death i said. meant it, and drove away.

  2. Wednesday, February 15, 2017

    this was my dinner 

    ended up in west LA around 7:22pm

    traffic was crazy everywhere. on the freeways off the freeways.

    i was starving heading south on Bundy. really wanted to go to Pico but traffic was gridlocked.

    so i settled on the Taco Bell on Pico and Bundy near the Amherst House.

    so glad i did because i tried the Naked Chili Chalupa box.

    a boneless fried breast of chicken folded to be the taco shell! and then taco fixings inside of it.

    plus you get a Dorito beef taco and a regular crunchy beef taco.

    and a bottle of water because im healthy.

    $5.44 after taxes

    took me forever to get onto the 10 heading east to usc

    so i took the 405 to the marina freeway to slauson for a cruise thru the hood

    i ate all three of those “tacos” fast.

    700 calories, messy, slimy, crunchy, miraculous.

    listened to tom petty interview andrew oldham about driving the stones around the US in the early 60s

    before they had broken thru

    and wished i had ordered two.

  3. Tuesday, February 14, 2017

    do i believe in love? 

    of course.

    you dont have to have a boo to be into the magical force that binds us all

    i havent had a girlfriend in a few years for a number of reasons

    most of which i cannot reveal here because nothing in here is true.

    so what happens is every now and then i will get a tap on my window

    or my doorbell will ring a ding ding

    and i will put on my housecoat and flick on the porch light

    and i will see a flowing gown in the distance running away

    and hear a delightful giggle

    and later screeching tires

    i’ll look down on the welcome mat and see a gift box or two

    smelling of perfume and lust.

    inside might be chocolates spiked with molly

    or bananas dipped in butterscotch

    or a nice little bottle of rum

    and two shot glasses that say




    every blue moon one of the courageous ones will stand pat at the door twirling her hair peeping through the peep hole for a sign of light

    and i’ll open the door and invite her in

    one thing will lead to another and there will be dancing

    and laughing

    maybe some merriment

    followed by surprising disappointment.

    a chopper will arrive and swoop her away

    little red Bougainvillea blossoms swirling in the courtyard

    and much later a text begging for a selfie

    which is always obliged.

    so yes i know i get used.

    but thats better than

    a lonely trip to the apple pan.

  4. Monday, February 13, 2017

    leaky worse than the oroville dam 

    they say that people don’t trust the media right now and i say thats fake news.

    people know that fox news and breitbart and bill oreilly and rush limbaugh and all that is bullshit.

    they just like to be stroked every now and then.

    it must be seriously hard to be told every day that you support a racist lying fascist not-really billionaire and you were an imbecile for voting for him.

    so instead you watch the fiction station like it was pro wrestling and after a while you get into it.

    whats weird about living right now is i only know of one tv station that isn’t demolishing the president of the united states at every chance possible.

    bush cheney was a fucking nightmare but they weren’t barraged like whats happening to trump.

    for some reason the press held back to their nonsense. they lied right to our faces like we’re being lied to now, but maybe it’s the frequency of todays bullshit that made the press say oh hell no.

    maybe its the fact that they were shocked that they didn’t predict his popularity. no one likes to feel dumb. not even the press. how could this walking Id just waltz into the most cherished position in the world and wipe his ass with it without nary a one member of the critical press shouting MALARKEY from the highest rooftop?

    but now they are shouting. and shit is starting to crumble. and it is beautiful. and the fake news can hit its audience over the head with a folding chair but the jig is up. the white house is in bed with the russians and the first traitor was outted today. weirdly not because he was a dirty lying bastard, but because he omg embarrassed the vice president.

    its like the mafia. they were never busted for murder or gambling or rum running, it was always for not paying taxes on their ill begotten gains.

    todays double agents will be canned for making the  former talk show host who as governor believed in electrocuting gay people LOOK BAD

    the vp would be smart to keep the prying eyes of the press away from his dirty laundry because something tells me theres something in there so funky, and it’s the reason the GOP hand picked him to be an impeachment away from the oval, and it isn’t his genius ideas about taxes.

  5. Sunday, February 12, 2017

    hello from the other side 

    i ran into some racism growing up in the sticks outside of Chicago but thats not why i flew to LA the day after high school graduation.

    i came here for the weather and the pretty girls and a fresh start.

    they say you are capable of completely changing every seven years and they say that lots of people do it.

    even though i was popular in school and had lots of good friends, i knew from visiting california in the summers that there was something here that was me that would be very difficult to fulfill in the midwest.

    there is a drive here. a spirit of creativity, acceptance, freedom.

    now 33 years removed it shocks me sometimes to read the things i do on facebook from the people i went to high school with.

    the racism is out of control, not to mention the fear and hate and absolute close mindedness.

    where did it come from? why does it fester?

    we see it so clearly in and around St Louis and gradually now in Wisconsin and Indiana but Sweet Home Chicago?

    and why isn’t it here? i know in the 70s and 80s the gangs in South Central were serious business, all based on race

    but maybe that was just a totally different thing.

    of course theres racism here too but it’s more “i will Not buy a house in Inglewood, Mandy.”

    not “omg please don’t ask me to take yoga from Jamaal again.”

    i think the secret might be in the stirring of the pot.

    in the midwest everyone pretty much stays in the same neighborhoods and area codes.

    in the west people are moving in, moving out, swirling and mixing.

    especially when you’re young, if you meet a group of people and you call women “girls” or “gals” or “bitches” thinking you’re funny you will get pushback reminding you that you are not funny and if you wish to be funny, make some, you know jokes. real jokes.

    but if you grew up with a crowd and you say dumb shit, they’ll let it slide because thats how the tribe survives – you can’t eat your own, you adapt TO THEM not to the whole wide world.

    but in the swirling pot of the west you have to adapt to the whole wide world because you want to get along with your neighbor, your boss, your new friends, and that hot babe across the table from you who is from a totally different country entirely.

    and so you learn that certain words are unacceptable, but better, that certain ways of thought will stop you from getting laid.


    if you wanna be some narrowminded racist sexist modern day archie bunker AND get laid, you might be able to find a small portion of hot babes who will tolerate that sort of nonsense but the world will not be your oyster.

    because the world, in general, does know the deal.

    and the deal is racism and being a fucking dumbshit is for another time

    and another place.

    namely the past and not here.

    here is the place where new ideas sprout up and solve old problems.

    here is the place where i want to swirl the best of what ive got

    with the best of what youve got and i dont mean surfacey bullshit things

    but things pertaining to the soul

    as a starting point.

    when i get depressed it is when i start thinking that i have not lived up to the great potential that i dove into when i moved here

    and im not living up to what i am capable of.

    i know i am no longer slacker from the sticks.

    and it’s liberating to know there is nothing here to hold me back

    but it’s also frightening because then why are you still back.

    why arent you front.

    why am i not front.

    leading the way.

    or even close to the light.

    and thats when i appreciate the supportive words of the enlightened who say

    your concepts about front back darkness and light

    are old

    and wrong.

    do better.

    which is what i almost always need to hear.

  6. Friday, February 10, 2017
  7. today i tried some slow cooking 

    i bought a whole chicken

    some baby carrots, celery, potatoes, peas, everything you need.

    i put it in the pot.

    jeanine had left behind some slo cook junk-in-a-bag

    poured that in.

    all night i stirred and tasted it.

    it needed salt. so much salt.

    was thinking about putting some bacon in there. but i eat so much bacon anyways.

    this morning i woke up and voila

    it had turned into cupcakes.

    chewy, delicious, rocky road cupcakes.

    i fucking love them.

    long live cooking.

    now i see what all the fuss is about.

    my only problem is i didnt have any real containers to put them in because i had made soooooo many.

    so i got a garbage bag and dumped them in there.

    and now i have two bags full.

    i will go to this spot under the freeway where the homeless are.

    i will hand them to the poor.

    as we all should.

    and i will share.

    thanks cooking!

  8. Thursday, February 9, 2017

    this pretty girl was all omg i would love you so hard if you let me 

    and i was all listen

    if you knew me even a little youd know that the only reason anyone is even slightly interested in busblog is because this entire thing is an illusion

    palm trees in winter

    warm winds before the oscars

    fantasy island baby da plane da plane

    im here for one reason and one reason only and its not to be married five kids ranch home in the valley mini van key party

    panic room

    i am here to take you to the rock show once in a blue moon and

    watch shooting stars in the back seat maybe



    the first fifty years was about saving the world

    the next fifty is about writing books.

    this was always the plan.

    bukowski didnt hit till after 50 and even then he wasn’t super happy. he was pretty happy but not super happy and unlike him i wanna be super happy. i know im not as handsome as he was or as tough or even as talented but im not a drunk im not wild

    and best of all im black so i dont crack.

    she was not happy with this response.

    i could tell because this morning she returned the cheerleader outfit, hot pants, and headdress.

    strangely she kept the shoes.


  9. Wednesday, February 8, 2017

    took an uber to see the doctor yesterday 

    i didnt drive cuz i was all dopey on all the Benadryl and rum i was using to make my cough and headache STFU

    when the driver found himself in a little traffic i noticed that i was gonna be about 10 minutes tardy so i called the doctors office to alert them

    “oh tony no one called you?”

    called me?

    “yes the doctor had to go to home around lunchtime.”

    apparently he was sick too.

    “we can reschedule you for friday if you like.”

    this is the thing about the xbi. they dont want you to get well. and for sure they dont want you using non-xbi doctors.

    the REASON you’re sick is because either they poisoned you

    or they are experimenting with sound waves or mites

    or food allergies or lsd microdoses.

    will they tell you they are using you as a guinea pig?


    will they apologize? or send you a remedy via sexy delivery service?


    they make YOU figure it out. they make YOU suffer. they give you the worst headaches youve ever had in your life. because it is their belief that if you think you are going to die, you, their pride and joy, YOU will find the cure and when you do they will in turn benefit.

    so theres one of two things you can do: die or fight.

    ive seen agents just give up and jump off the rocks into the mexican riviera. and all the xbi will ever say is well he proved he was no longer worth our time and effort.

    and then theres morons like me who curl up with blankets and capt morgan and let the poison do its magic which those bastards love because they can see and they can learn and they can scribble their notes and even though I havent been one of theirs for years suddenly i am working for them in this capacity and its disgusting.

    but i do know some things that they dont like. they dont like me fat. which is why i only eat at drive thrus and never work out. they dont like me single, which is why i havent dated seriously in a long time. and they dont like me writing about them which is why the busblog is my favorite f you.

    who will have the last laugh?

    mcdonalds, probs.

    until then i hope my doc recovers because hes a good man and doesnt deserve this.