nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, March 28, 2015
  2. Friday, March 27, 2015
  3. there was a time i wanted to have ten kids 

    jim mcmahon

    then i wanted ten corvettes

    then i wanted ten wives

    now i just want ten sunglasses, because i always lose mine.

    i had a box of twenty sunglasses a few years ago and i finally ran through all of them.

    no matter whats going on in your life you always look cooler in sunglasses

    and a bears jersey, even if youre playing for the packers

    chilling with bubba in the oval

    and in the rose garden

    with the packrrrs


  4. Thursday, March 26, 2015

    ali and i were talking about things we wanna do in our lives 


    she was so clear, so focused, it was beautiful.

    me, im more abstract and boring.

    i wanna help people.

    more specifically i wanna help people achieve their dreams.


    even more specifically i wanna help people while wearing a cubs hat and shorts.

    sadly yesterday on the radio i was listening to this guy say that men dont get taken seriously when they wear shorts.

    unless they won the lottery.

    so my new goal is to help people while wearing shorts after winning the lottery.

    however maybe a more realistic goal is to help people while being one of the few men who are respected for wearing shorts.


    by the way, nobody likes my shorts.

    i have several pairs of plaid shorts and two of the same pair of bathing trunks that have pockets

    thus shorts.

    the only people who like them are the good people of Las Vegas who dont care because i tip well.


    drove a fashion designer around today who focuses on mens fashions.

    i shoulda asked her if she would be interested in creating shorts for men which will DEMAND respect.

    DEMAND SHORTS they could be called.

    or RESPECT MY SHORTS could be stitched into the inseam or something.


    deep down i just wanna be a televangelist on one of those Christian cable channels.

    pretty sure St. Peter would love that and sneak me through the sneaky window

    if the show was good.

  5. had a bad night last night 


    screwed up and picked up a Plus customer after work on Pico. huge mistake that i wont make again.

    he was a high roller lawyer who had me drive him through some of the dumbest traffic (dumb because if he had just told me where he wanted to go instead of keeping it a secret I would have taken a faster route) to go to a liquor store.

    then he had me wait for him as he looked through every row. the booze he was looking for wasnt there. he wanted something specific and fancy.

    he didnt talk to me. he talked to a wide assortment of people on the phone. from the conversation i gathered where he wanted me to take him. so i drove there.

    $30 later he was gone but i was far from the fishing hole that i love at that hour so i slowly made my way there and when i did the fish were all gone.

    except for two guys who wanted to go to the nearest hotel which was literally half a mile away. thankfully that was a Plus ride too which has a minimum fare of $10. youd think that dudes going that short of a ride would want a simple Uber X car, but no, they wanted style for their 3 minute ride and i gave it to them.

    disappointed with life i went to the McDonalds drive-thru and called it a night. went to bed early which means i woke up early.

    at 6:30am i was back on the road looking for someone who wanted to go to the airport.

    instead i found a woman at the Chateau who wanted to go to DryBar and then i found a different woman who needed me to take she and her cute little son to his French school in West LA.

    she was a beautiful scandinavian who then needed me to take her to her work. it was a high fare because it was surging like crazy but she didnt care, which was a delight.

    the morning def made up for last night and best of all i was early for work so everyone was happy.

  6. Wednesday, March 25, 2015

    last night was a good night, all my schemes were working 

    tumblr_nl6982xwfB1up1nc2o1_540uber plus is like fishing, you gotta know where the spots are where no one else is fishing.

    and i think i found some good ones. the tricky part, just like in any part of your life is




    the first two are pretty simple but sometimes you end up in the skankiest public restrooms that it makes you consider peeing in a bottle and throwing that bottle in the trash

    but there are a few problems with that

    1) lots of poor people pick through the garbage looking for bottles and cans (clap yr hands)

    2) what if you spill on your way to the dumpster

    3) peeing in your car in a bottle? is that why you went to college?

    there really should be safe clean beautiful public restrooms where you tip the guy a buck and you can do your thing

    but sadly those places are called McDonalds and theyre not always as clean as i kept them back in the day

    however nothing is as terrible as the Del Taco i found myself at in Venice

    holy moses. and on top of that there were two guys selling/using/experimenting with heroin outside the door

    then i worried about the bottom of my shoes, then my hands, thank god for hand sanitizer


    learned a few more things about Marina Del Rey when i left, and also learned it isnt that profitable to drive people from LAX any more

    $17 LAX -> West Hollywood.

    I was all, what!?!?

    but i know how to fix that now so goal, imma hit you faster tonight, just wait.

  7. are ppl cray? oui 

    pieam i cray?

    oh hell yes.

    are ppl capable of beautifully delicious wonderfully selfless loveliness and miracles?


    is that why we should put up with each other?


    we should put up with each other because we are all children of God and when we diss one child we diss the creator, and since we are made in his image we are dissing ourselves.

    we should put up with each other because they put up with us on our bad days, of which there are many, and we need to thank them for that.

    we should put up with each other because theres really no one else

    we are it. they are us. we are we. us is us.

    hating ourselves is what the devil wants, not the angels.

    plus it’s lazy. hate something better than each other.

    hate gravity. hate darkness. hate cancer.

    or better yet, use that power to explore love.

    explore sexiness.

    explore hotness and joy and peace and funkiness.

    put up with yourself because thats what god does

    and love is whats closest to godliness.

  8. Tuesday, March 24, 2015

    van halen to tour this summer, and conclude in hollywood 

    david lee roth van halen

    Van Halen 2015 Tour Dates:
    7/5 – Seattle, WA @ White River Amphitheatre
    7/7 – Portland, OR @ Amphitheater Northwest
    7/9 – Concord, CA @ Concord Pavilion
    7/11 – San Bernardino, CA @ San Manuel Amphitheater
    7/14 – Irvine, CA @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
    7/16 – Mountain View, CA @ Shoreline Amphitheatre
    7/18 – Salt Lake City, UT @ USANA Amphitheatre
    7/20 – Morrison, CO @ Red Rocks Amphitheatre
    7/22 – Kansas City, MO @ Cricket Wireless Amphitheater
    7/24 – Chicago, IL @ First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre
    7/26 – St. Louis, MO @ Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre
    7/28 – Pittsburgh, PA @ First Niagara Pavilion
    7/30 – Bangor, ME @ Darling’s Waterfront Pavilion
    8/1 – Boston, MA @ Xfinity Center
    8/3 – Cleveland, OH @ Blossom Music Center
    8/5 – London, ON @ Western Fair District
    8/7 – Toronto, ON @ Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
    8/9 – Holmdel, NJ @ PNC Bank Arts Center
    8/11 – Hartford, CT @ Xfinity Center
    8/13 – Wantagh, NY @ Nikon At Jones Beach Theater
    8/23 – Hershey, PA @ Hershey Park
    8/25 – Darien Center, NY @ Darien Lake Performing Arts Center
    8/27 – Camden, NJ @ Susquehanna Bank Center
    8/29 – Washington, DC @ Jiffy Lube Live
    8/31 – Cincinnati, OH @ Riverbend Music Center
    9/2 – Indianapolis, IN @ Klipsch Music Center
    9/4 – Detroit, MI @ DTE Energy Music Theatre
    9/6 – Bethel, NY @ Bethel Woods Center for the Arts
    9/9 – Raleigh, NC @ Walnut Creek Amphitheater
    9/11 – Charlotte, NC @ PNC Music Pavilion
    9/13 – Tampa, FL @ MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre
    9/15 – West Palm Beach, FL @ Coral Sky Amphitheatre
    9/17 – Birmingham, AL @ Oak Mountain Amphitheatre
    9/21 – Austin, TX @ Austin360 Amphitheater
    9/23 – Dallas, TX @ Gexa Energy Pavilion
    9/25 – Houston, TX @ Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion
    9/28 – Phoenix, AZ @ Ak-Chin Pavilion
    9/30 – San Diego, CA @ Sleep Train Amphitheatre
    10/2 – Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Bowl

  9. 13 years ago tonight Halle Berry made history 

    as you probably know in 2002 she became the first black actress to win an Oscar for Actress in a Leading Role

    she beat out, among others, Nicole Kidman who was nominated for her role in Moulin Rouge, where she sang, danced, and wowed people.

    but Halle really dug down deep in Monster’s Ball and almost everyone agreed she deserved to go home with the statuette.

    her speech was so good. all off the cuff. the way it should be.

    it was cute she thanked her lawyer.

    every day some deceitful little so-and-so threatens me with legal proceedings over god knows what,

    i am thankful for my lawyer.

    i guess i should thank her more often as well.

  10. Blogger Twitter Timehop Jason Joins Obama’s White House 

    goldmana long time ago the busblog was just a humble little tadpole in the giant pond of Blogger.com

    and for some reason several young men and women took mercy on me as i tried to make this thing cool.

    there were like a half dozen jasons, an ev, a biz, a case, a kimmy, they were all so sweet to me, always there for me when this blog broke down or i wanted to try something new.

    one day jason goldman and jason sutter invited me to visit them at Google one day and when i took them up on their offer they gave me a tour, fed me, and goldman opened up the Blogger Closet and stoked me with a hoodie, a shirt and several other things that i still have.

    it was awesome.

    but today something even more awesome happened: goldman became the president of the united states.

    of america.

    check that: vice president.

    correction: super vice president of rock.

    no wait, he is now the White House’s First Chief Digital Officer

    While several of Obama’s former top aides have left Washington for Silicon Valley, Goldman is moving the other direction, taking over the new media and digital outreach that had evolved into one of Pfeiffer’s main projects by the time he left earlier this month. Goldman’s résumé includes Google, Medium, and Twitter, where he worked directly with co-founders Ev Williams and Biz Stone, serving as the first “head of product,” supervising managers, designers, an experts in user research and corporate marketing to develop effective outreach strategies.

    Goldman, who worked on a two-week engagement project for the White House last month, will report directly to chief of staff Denis McDonough.

    “Goldman brings new energy and coveted expertise as someone who’s helped shape the digital age,” Obama said.

    i keep trying to tell everyone: Blogger is a magical thing that helps people in powerful ways.

    it is so nice that those who helped people are continuing to realize great success. Rock on Jason!