Wednesday, December 17, 2014pretty good car chase tonightwhich means pretty fun live tweeting from you know whoclick below for about half of what i tweeted:
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
my mom loves dave, and darlene, and paul
and this mashup of Darlene Love renditions of Christmas, Baby Please Come Home on the Late Show
is something i’m pretty sure my momma would love.
watch it on your laptop or ipad ma!
there was a time when studios would send over pretty girls to deliver me tapes of their films so i could write about them for the busblog and reach the smartest and most worldly readers in the world.
when theyd come over and pour drinks and give me massages they would tell me they were from the academy but once i started working here i learned they werent from the academy, they were from the studios: or worse, hired by the studios to seduce me and influence my virgin mind into thinking that thier films were amaze times ten
so when i got a knock on my door last night as the drizzle came down and it was two young ladies dressed in santa suits with revealing cleavage i was all, wrong number
they were all, tony? tony pierce?
i was like, he’s across the street, and pointed at the sighentology church.
they laughed and said come on we’re huge fans simply here to deliver you this dvd from the academy.
i said, ah HA ive finally caught you in your bed of lies, i work there now and we dont have any such group of runway models who run around hustling screeners to influencers and powerfully handsome bloggers.
and then they started crying so i let them in because tears.
right as i shut the door another knock sounded and i opened it and it was italian food being delivered. the ladies whipped out some cash and started playing with my cats as i hunted in my kitchen for clean dishes and glasses. failed and decided we would just eat it out of the box as we watched the powerful film.
super great, super intense, great music, fantastic acting, and unreal directing by a guy who at 29 years old had never directed before!
in the morning the girls asked me what my top five list of films were for this year and i said this is actually super easy:
3. the grand budapest hotel
4. the lego movie
and each of them kissed my cheek.
Monday, December 15, 2014
people who ride in ubers are in a car for a good 15-30 minutes.
they’re technically savvy.
good chance theyve got some dispensable income
and, they have a smart phone in their hands
and nothing to do.
what if the ad on the back of the seat said something like
come to this website for a chance to win 2 free uber rides a week.
and then you sell whatever you wanna sell on that site.
or what if the ad on the back of the pack of gum you pay drivers to hand out
has a website, your website, on it and you’re giving away ipads to lucky winners
or better yet, something even cheaper than those these days,
60″ led tvs.
uber passengers are many brands absolute target audience
and uber cant tell drivers what they can or cannot have in their cars
because technically the drivers are not employees of uber.
brands never get direct access to the gatekeepers of their target.
have a code to enter the sweepstakes, that code of course is the drivers ID
and give the driver $20 for each person that signs up on your site.
best believe you’ll get some damn sign ups.
Inherent Vice was one of them
a waste of good acting by Phoenix and Brolin
a wtf story that probably should never have been adapted to screen
muddled dialogue that was intended to mimic stoney thoughts
all together a mess that i wasted way too much money on.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
ive never gotten a tattoo
ive never put my thumb in a girls mouth and taken a picture
while someone else was taking a picture of me.
ive never been to catalina.
ive never been to greece.
<s>ive never kissed a girl and then her sister.</s>
ive never written a screenplay.
ive never been to yankee stadium.
ive never been in the white house.
ive never been to the super bowl or the grammys.
ive never been to any of the halls of fame.
ive never kissed a girl on a gondola in florence.
ive never been to the watts tower.
ive never been to the world series.
i have no stories to tell.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
once a year my favorite clothing line Obey has a sample sale either in Compton or Irvine
kids get to the warehouse in the wee hours to nab what is often deep discounts
on some of the most stylish, sought-after, and $$$$ clothes out there.
because im a cheapskate and super loyal to my favorite brands ive been going
because i was driving last night till 3am and didnt get to sleep till 5am, i didnt get out of the house until mid-afternoon,
which turned out to be perfecto because there were zero lines when i arrived in the OC at 2:30pm
a lot of the clothes had been picked through but that was ok, there was still plenty of great deals.
but with no lines and no time limit to shop it was such a dream come true
that i even came back after eating lunch to pick up three Obey pillows
that i realized would be perfect on my bed.
as blaring music pumped through the cavernous checkout lanes i asked one of the cashiers if they were suprised by the seemingly low turnout
she said it was busy in the morning, and they all expected today to be the busiest day
but assumed that because Obey/Giant advertised, for the first time ever, that this year’s sale would happen this weekend AND next weekend, perhaps the mad frenzy was killed.
fine with me, if the kids of so cal don’t wanna get $100 pants for $25 and $150 sweaters for $20, then more for me.
no huge surprises in this year’s layout, however it was nice to see that the women’s section is about double the size of last year
which was about double from the year prior.
the accessory table was ok, the hat section was huge, however the tshirts were a bit wanting.
i got some flannels, some sweatshirts, a few tshirts and the famous pillows
$118 out the door.
every year another thing happens when i go to the Obey sale: i feel so fat.
they have some of the best shirts that really look horrible if you have even the slightest belly.
because i look about 5 months pregnant i shied away from the shirts this year
and instead opted for the more forgiving numbers.
view too, pls
Friday, December 12, 2014
the best people i met this week, so far, were these Saudi students who loved me right back.
the young lady in the back in the red scarf was telling me all these great stories of living here for the last two years
so i said baby you really need to start a blog, americans, including myself know NOTHING about what its like to be young and saudi
living in the USA.
she said oh they wont like it. all they’ll want to know is why we dress this way and why can’t i drive a car in saudi arabia.
and i said then start there. say my name is this, i wear these clothes out of respect to my culture
and even though i can’t drive a car in the most conservative country in the middle east
i can in the USA, but when i get lucky i ride in an uber with the handsome tony pierce.
me the loudest.
i asked them if it was true that they cant drink or smoke weed or have wild orgies back home and they said yes.
one of them told me that they saw a friend of theirs drunk here at a party in koreatown and they almost called 911
because they had never seen a drunk person before (!)
and after seeing that, they never wanted to get drunk themselves.
i said, fair enough, but lemme tell you something about sex drugs and rock n roll
true you look silly when youre drunk, but as long as youre around your friends you should be ok. just dont drive.
also, ive been drunk once or twice in my life but the dumbest ive ever looked was when i was in love.
and aint no one talking about avoiding that forever.
point, noted, they all agreed.
red scarf girl then said, i always wanted to come to the States to see what life was like here
but now that i’ve been here for a while i see that the grass is always greener
and now i just realize i just want to be a good little muslim girl.
as we waited for the light to change by the pier we took a selfie and i said blog, kids, blog!
but i cant and i wont and i know but i dont but it is
i keep saying one day i’ll write it but i never do
i hate looking backwards because im not sure but i hate it
i dream about whats ahead and thats lame too
and when the moment is bursting im living it
im probably the worst blogger of all time
who has written for so long.
with that said, shits going down so get ready.