busblog

hi future. hope things are going well at 12:22pm.

yesterday at lunch i had some bad fish. i got it at this sushi place where the food is on little boats.

the boats float around the place and you grab a little dish and eat it and say ahhhhhhh.

sadly after few hours the stomach and the fish were all AHHHHHHHHHH

and i had to leave work about an hour earlier than i wanted to.

b/c every time i stood up i got dizzy and i felt like my face was turning green.

my belly and i have a weird relationship. always has.

when i was a kid it didnt like hardly anything in it. during college i weighed like 120 pounds.

i could barely eat a whole slice of pizza.

but soon after college everything was coolio so i ate EVERYTHING. but now i have a gut.

some of the ladies dont mind. in fact some think its sexy. but of course most dont. nor do i.

so last night when all by belly would tolerate was saltines that was fine cuz i did eat a bit in vegas.

however this morning during my morning constitutional it was a bit odd to smell crackers again.

in the last year the worst my stomach ever felt was in the photo above when etienne and i were eating poutine at mcdonalds

we were up to something. it was secret. even though im xbi, i really dont like secrets and my belly Hates them.

and all that cheese and gravy and french fries and happiness and stress and pre stress made me cray.

strangely i miss all of that, future.

probs b/c im cray times a zillion.

howard stern’s long time radio sidekick robin quivers said on the show that doctors discovered a 5-inch mass near her bladder.

said Quivers:

“[The doctor] lowered the boom. He took me out. I was devastated… [Sirius executive] Tim [Sabean] called me right after I left his office. I was a mess… America’s Got Talet was coming on… I wanted you [Howard] to enjoy the show… He went along this line of what they might have to do in order to remove this… I saw it… It’s as big as a grapefruit… Some of the outcomes are not that good… It’s not a death thing… but those outcomes aren’t acceptable to me… I don’t want to talk about it.”

Yesterday Howard asked Robin why she wasn’t available when he called her Monday after the show.

Robin, 59, said, “You must have called the phone that was left in Pittsburgh. I was busy all day with testing.”

In the middle of Monday’s show Robin told Howard and the listeners that she was wearing a “pee bag” to which Howard said, “Boy we are geting old.”

Robin said, “I’m wearing a catheter. So when you see me, I’m peeing. It just constantly goes.”

Quivers has been a vegan for a number of years which includes a liquid diet that has been joked about on the show involving “green drinks”. shes also been known to travel around the world on spiritual journeys.

when robin isn’t in the studio the show loses its balance and turns into a frat house, howard has admitted.

she is the secret weapon to America’s most popular radio show of all time.

she will certainly be in my prayers tonight.

1. half my clothes
2. a saltines box
3. a baseball mitt
4. a roll of tp
5. a broomstick
6. todays newspaper
7. yesterdays newspaper
8. sundays newspaper
9. saturdays newspaper
10. a towel named babblefish
11. a suitcase filled with vegas
12. three amazing books
13. an empty can of ginger ale
14. a yankee candle
15. this months good housekeeping

i was all, bands play at the park?

someone you know said um yeah at the race track.

i was like get out. and then i was sent this:

Friday Nights at Hollywood Park

May 18th – G. Love & Special Guest
May 25th – SOJA
June 1st – Rebelution
June 8th – The Wailers
June 15th – The Jesus and the Mary Chain
June 22nd – Jimmy Cliff
June 29th – Michael Franti & Spearhead
July 6th- Iration
July 13th – X

i wanna be softer, fatter, balder, older

i wanna be less interesting, less controversial, more predictable, completely unlickable

i want it to come out like coldplay

i wanna mend your heart like drake

everything i do i want it to be fake.

when we fight i want it to be consistant, predictable, and always end the same way

i want us to embrace the misery.

i wanna have 55 kids all named tom brady

i want several underwater condos, all on the same block

each very far from you

i wanna turn the good into blue

and the blue into baby blue

i hope blogging becomes outlawed and poetry makes a comeback

i hope rick dees and ryan seacrest get stars on hollywood blvd and our taxes are doubled.

all of this i want because im so bored with life

too bad nothing rhymes with life

i want to be harder, funner, quicker, stronger

i want to be more creative, more dynamic, more versatile, more fluid

i want it to come out like hendrix

i want to break yr heart like hank sr

when we kiss it should taste like happiness

i want to have 55 kids all named george foreman

i want a house on the beach and one in LA

and one in NY

and one next door to you.

i want to turn bad things into good

and good things into omg

i want to blog forever even if i have to do it with my nose

or my toes or my elbows or my afro.

all of this i want cuz i cant fix the cubs.

all of this i want because i cant change the world.

all of this i want because rock is dying

and the kids dont care

and passion is being diluted and stifled

and fear is winning

and courage is turning into a four letter word.

i wanna go down fighting and kicking,

and laughing

all the way to the bank.

and then rob it.

it wasnt that good.

people see things other people do and theyre all omg so lucky

but sometimes those people are seeing prince at the troubadour

and like the worlds greatest prince fan barney so wisely noted:

the bigger the room, the more hits prince will play

the smaller the room, the fewer hits prince plays.

troubadour is pretty damn small.

so small prince didnt play any hits.

and charged us $100 for the pleasure.

thus, you might read this very blog and think damn tonys got the life.

and its true that sometimes im seeing prince at the troubadour.

but sometimes im wishing i was anywhere else.

sure its a day late but i sent her flowers on friday and called her yesterday so its all good.

but happy mothers day mom! i love you sooooooo

my mom was born in a georgian rainstorm.

my grandma, legend has it, was picking peaches in the backyard because she was bored of being pregnant.

everyone said Henri you crazi get your pregnant belly back in the house

but my grandma couldnt be bossed around and sure enough after a few peaches were plucked,

the sweetest peach of them all decided it was time to set foot in that red georgia clay.

everyone said Henri you crazi get over to the hospital and deliver that baby

but my grandma just sat down in that back yard sipping on lemonade

and gave birth to my mom on a pleasant september afternoon.

somehow the only thing that my mom is exactly like my grandma about is

they both had a beautiful eye for style, keeping a clean house, and a love of books and mathematics.

my mom was one of the first female computer programmers this nation has ever known.

in the early days of the xbi they taught her both russian and german but when she insisted on using it for good and not evil she was kicked out.

only time she was ever fired in her life.

my mom never swears. once she got frostbite. she was crying on the stairs. it made me cry and the dog bark.

agony! agony! is all she would say.

i felt so worthless.

it was then i decided to move to a climate where my mom would never get frostbite in hopes she would follow to be close to her favorite son.

but like grandma, no one can tell my sweet momma what to do.

except Jesus.

happy mothers day ma!!!!

today is also a special day for me.

today I was appointed to a fancy prestigious board.

very very honored. but it isnt official until next Monday.

so lets keep our fingers crossed that they dont change their mind. :)

spent a three day weekend in las vegas to relax, catch up on some reading
and start my summer dieting routine.
because i knew the xbi would probably drug me, and take me to the hard rock
i drugged myself and kidnapped myself to the east side.
(just kidding mom, no drugs were involved – except fun!)
certainly did not expect to be recognized,
but with canadians on vacation i guess anything is possible.

hard rock hooked me up with a poolside room in the new tower
which karisa calls the douche tower because of its affliction-esque interior design
its a tad annoying because you have to shlep through the whole hotel to get to the room
but part of the summer diet is a tad of walking and climbing.
lucky me, snoop dogg was playing at the pool sat night, but unlucky me
after hanging out at the pool saturday day with karisa, her sis and mom,
we were passed out as the double g freestyled poolside
no worries, by 11pm we were dining on sea bass and catching our second wind.

unfortunately (and fortunately) what happens in vegas doesnt end up on the busblog
even though nothing in here blah blah blah
lets just say new friends were met, old friendships were solidified
and lots and lots of books were read
and one blogger may have gotten a bit tanner thanks to the perfect weather.
dont forget to rock, north america.