busblog

when i was in vegas an angel appeared to me

and began speaking in tongues.

at first i thought it was to celebrate david byrne’s 60th birthday but the holy ghost dont play.

so i listened. carefully.

ive been visited a few times in my long life and every time the themes are the same:

1) who’s that girl 2) stop doing dumb stuff 3) spread the word

so me and the angel started brainstorming number three because come on baby

the angel kept saying you need to build a hipster church and i was all f hipsters

which at first made the angel frown

but then she cracked a smile and gave me a low five.

then i said lets talk about all the reasons good people dont go to church

its boring, its phony baloney, it makes some people feel bad, you gotta dress up, the music sucks, the dudes on stage are cruddy, no one keeps it real, it doesnt apply to real life, and its too long.

so i was all, what if we made a church called 30 minute church?

angel was like, go on…

and it started off with some kick ass gospel

loud as hell

(heavens loud too the angel alerted me)

and the music is beautiful and powerful and it lets the whole block know theres some damn church goin on right hurrr.

and then something surprising happens for 6 minutes. not a preacher. not me. not a little kid struggling to remember what he was opposed to say. but something very cool.

now theres 20 minutes left. and you know the last 5 minutes is more awesome music. like maybe green day is setting up. or rihanna unplugged. something. so you really only have 15 minutes.

most people cant stand more than 5 minutes of bible reading, so maybe right after the super cool six, theres 4 minutes and 20 seconds of bible reading.

but done right.

plenty of actors struggling in LA and comedians. one of them gets a shot at 30 minute church every sunday. right after the awesome. 4 minutes of the bible presented perfectly.

so now theres nine minutes. half goes to Question Time. theres a monk and a rabbi and a lady bible expert.

clergy gets to ask questions. and the panel has to answer them honestly or they dont get invited back next week.

that goes on for 5 minutes. which means theres 4 minutes left. thats where i come in. i have a little Q & A with someone in front of everyone.

we talk about spirituality. love. god. peace. the bible.

in a real way.

then i’ll say, and now, green day.

i was all nah, id rather wash my hair

they were like, theres food trucks!

and suddenly i was in one of Charles Bukowski’s old stomping grounds, hollywood park

(conveniently located a good half hour drive from hollywood)

everyone was there, karisa, her mom, her boyfriend, her sister, and izzy and mary and kroq

even g love and special sauce were there to play to the drunkies after the race,

but im jumping ahead of myself.

how many people do you think i can get in one picture who are shorter than a typical lady?

the answer is six, including three jockeys (one is sorta hidden)

wanna see what my favorite picture would have been if the iphone was better at night?

this one:

anyways yes there were about 10 food trucks there, but only one was any good

if Hollywood Park wants to draw a real crowd, having bands play is a good idea

but a better idea would to be have some really good food trucks like Kogi, the Grilled Cheese Truck, Tacos Arizas

and of course, Rival Poutine!

also have the ladies get interviewed between races and projected on the big screen behind them

not only did the audience like it better than the races, but we all got “backstage” to g-love.

meanwhile we all won every race, somehow, mysteriously.

and now imma gonna buy a new tv with my winnings.

screw you, hemingway!

dainty, so def not mines

even Downtown August Brown liked it

Tenacious D works because its music is as good as the stuff it parodies, and it’s easy to imagine the ode-to-declining-hookup-standards “Low Hangin’ Fruit” or blowin’-stuff-up anthem “Deth Starr” actually making traction on KROQ-FM (106.7). When sincere rock music is DOA on the charts, is it too late to wonder whether the D is the genre’s last true defender?

it’s uneven, it has too many spoken-joke segues. in the olden days it would have been a good “party album” where everyone sits around eating pizza and listening and laughing together.

but in an era where there are very few rock stars any more, jack black and KG somehow bring a return to rock

while being portly and wielding acoustic guitars.

that alone deserves kudos.

then something every day next week.

i suppose i should be happy about all of that.

but it is a little weird that i try pretty hard not to have anything planned

and yet theres rarely a full day to do nada.

i suppose one day i will get my wish.

and that day i’ll probably be bummed.

Kyle Fitzpatrick has quickly become one of LA’s top bloggers

Today’s roundup on LA I’m Yours of a dozen budget date spots couldn’t be more on the money.

Witness:

Pink’s Hot Dogs
We’d never suggest Pink’s for anything else ever. We try to stay as far away from that tourist trappy La Brea landmark, which just sells OK hot dogs and is always at least an hour wait. However, it would be a very cute place to go to on a date–especially a first date–as the two of you would be going to this super cheesy, slightly stupid place, probably waiting in line for up to an hour, which provides perfect fodder for talking and people watching and being cute as you decide which hot dog you want. It’s also dirt cheap because, duh, it’s hot dogs.

Daikokuya
For similar reasons, Little Tokyo’s Daikokuya would be perfect for a date. It’s a place that almost always has a long line and is a super intimate space. The only difference between here and Pink’s is that Daikokuya is actually good. We recommend that you go a time before if you haven’t been and try their basic Daikokuya Ramen. The reason we say to do this is so when you and your date go you know how to eat the dish and you can show your date how it’s done. Who *wouldn’t* think it’s cute to be taught how to eat ramen? Also, totally metro accessible and Little Tokyo is super cute for wandering around before and after your meal.

What would i add?

How about some shrimp tacos at The Best Fish Taco in Ensenada followed by a walk over to Paradis for a scoop of ice cream? (They even have several flavors of vegan ice cream if your date rolls that way.)

What nice about Paradis’ location is that if things are going nicely and you’d like to keep it going theres the Los Feliz 3 a few blocks to the north if you’d like to take in a film, or the Good Luck bar a few blocks to the southeast.

a long time ago someone had the bright idea to teach some very special young people a variety of skills

reportedly to better protect the usa.

and what they couldnt teach theyd re-engineer.

one of those skills was the ability to read peoples minds, also known as the lie detector.

only problem was it didnt really work properly (at first).

the result was many unfortunate agents were overwhelmed with hearing the thoughts of dozens of people in their radius at one time, which confused them at first

and depressed them almost immediately.

americans, it seemed, in the mid 80s, were bummed.

one agent couldnt stand it and hastily created special eyeglasses that could regulate the amount of esp signal that would reach his mind.

his cohorts literally owed him their lives when he improved and then shared his invention with them.

eventually he tried to create a volume control of sorts that rested in the agent’s pocket to regulate the amount of “signal”,

but most of the xbi just left their glasses on and blocked out the thoughts of their fellow americans. unless they absolutely needed to know things.

but usually even small doses of absolute esp was enough to turn even the toughest agent worthless.

and after a while it became obvious that the agents who didn’t wear glasses had something unique about their personalities.

not only could they withstand the steady stream of human pessimism and lies, but weirdly most of the small subset of agents quickly turn into the most strangely upbeat and positive characters.

out of frustration one day, a paranoid commander attempted to ridicule what would soon become the elite class of xbi by calling the non-glasses wearers Cubfans,

a slight the officer assumed would insult the handful of men and women who had no problem with the unfiltered data.

but instead it bonded them.

and to rub it in his face, they wore Cubs hats

all the damn time.

everywhere.