nothing in here is true

  1. Friday, May 27, 2016

    adios Patrick J 

    patrick and the ladies

    yesterday we said goodby to Patrick J, the young drupal developer who was swooped up by our competitor

    Patrick had worked with us for about a year and a half. quiet, unassuming, brilliant.

    we would go to lunch all the time and talk about Tesla, iphone apps, and the east coast

    the weird thing is, when i originally saw his resume and corresponding personal site

    i didnt think we should hire him.

    that kid is too quiet and his site has pretty much nothing on it i said

    so, they asked?

    i said he is hiding something.

    turned out he WAS hiding something.

    he was hiding that he was probs the best drupal developer around.

    sad to see him go but excited to see what he will do for them.

    rock on Patrick J, thanks for showing me Natalie Thai

  2. Thursday, May 26, 2016

    ten years ago today i was fired from buzznet 

    holland wtf

    did i deserve it? probably. you cant yell at your boss apparently. even if he deserves it.

    was i great at my job? i was incredible.

    when it happened i was actually shocked so i went home in a daze and put together this blog post to sorta remind myself what i had done there in such a short period of time.

    sadly now the links are broken because buzznet not only doesnt exist but the people who bought the people who bought the people arent like me and dont appreciate the necessity of keeping links working so you’ll just have to use your imagination i guess (or the wayback machine).

    regardless i did a lot but i wasnt happy. i was getting sick all the time and throwing up blood almost every day near the end. why? because i was so stressed, more stressed than id ever been in my life. why? because even when i was successful, even when i hit the outrageous goal that one of the co-founders set up for me, he would get angry and disappointed that i didnt fail.

    my whole life was about hitting goals because the love of my life, the chicago cubs, could never hit goals. so i had made it my mission to never fail like they had. therefore when i did what was asked of me i expected: rewards, glory, positive feedback, celebrations, smiles, pats on the backs, etc. but i got the opposite.

    so i vomited blood.

    i went to the doctor and he said dude youre not sick you’re in a terrible situation and your body is telling you to get the fuck out. i said doc youre the greatest. he said “yes yes i am. then he said, any time you talk about blogging you light up, and i dont even know what youre talking about but i light up. i dont know if theres any money in this blogging but you should seek it out.”

    and because God is beautiful and life is weird, soon after writing the blog post laying out all the things i did at buzznet i got an email which led to another email which led to me running LAist and getting paid to blog. which a year and a half later led to me running all the blogs at the Times.

    so the lesson of this bittersweet anniversary is a) listen to your body b) listen to your doctor c) if youre in a bad gig get the f out and d) there really is light at the end of the tunnel, dont be afraid of it, there is someone somewhere who will appreciate what you have to offer: run to them. now. NOW.

  3. Wednesday, May 25, 2016
  4. most of us wont be giants, or bikini models 

    andre the giantmost of us wont be rock stars or baseball players, play by play announcers or heads of state

    most of us wont be millionaires or international drug lords

    hell, most of us would be so lucky to be local drug lords

    most of us are just going to end up being sweet, loving, creative people, doomed to influence a small circle of friends, neighbors and family members

    maybe coworkers, but probably not them, they’re busy crunching numbers and doing all the things they do

    and most of the ways we can influence our small circles isn’t by doing anything outrageous other than being as wonderful as we can be

    think about who influences you. it isn’t the guy with the biggest house or fanciest car or prettiest wife

    what influences me are the people with the best attitudes and brightest smiles during the gloomiest days.

    how do they keep their positive attitudes, i wonder, how do they find the energy to work tirelessly, listen to how they interact with dale from accounting or merle from the mailroom. it sounds exactly how when they speak to the ceo or that mean girl from — where does that girl work anyway?

    im influenced by steady writers and cheerful cooks, people who raise their kids right, people who do their best to help the public. it’s rarely the jokers who end up on E! or accumulating a zillion followers on instagram.

    weirdly the people who i love the most have very little time for instagram,

    they’re too busy being international love smugglers.

    sharing their houses with others, working at soup kitchens, fixing friends’ computers, coaching little league, teaching at the school, fighting fires, writing books, helping kids with their homework for hours,

    showing people things at the library that will make them literally cry out loud

    you see those people all the time.

    they’ll never get on a baseball card.

    til Heaven.

    i had a dream last night that when you get to the pearly gates, st. peter is flipping through his new pack of cards and right in front of you he says um hum, yep, yep, oh here you are, and he hands you your card and it’s you doing what God loved best and your name is there

    and when you flip it over, theres your stats. all the good youve done. all the ways youve reflected love and peace and you know positive things humans are capable of doing when they’re being awesome

    and you show that to the angel and




  5. Tuesday, May 24, 2016
  6. i had this theory that pretty girls can wear anything 

    belindathat “fashion” is baloney

    i wanted to prove that theory by creating a potato sack dress

    that was lined with something non itchy but basically it was a burlap sack that you put a belt around

    or not, who cares

    and you put it on a model of some sort and voila


    and then i saw this picture of marilyn monroe from way back like a million years ago and i thought

    damn tony, you are the least original person in the whole wide world how do you even live?

    and then i went on with life because calling myself stupid is just a typical part of my day.

    but then yesterday i was reading a terrific article about the go-gos and how they were terrible at first, but cute, so they kept going, and then they got a drummer and a guitarist who were actually good so they kept going and then they got a record deal because thats what happened back in the day,

    and then they got a song and a beat and the guy who produced Blondie wanted to produce them and so he did and then he recorded them and they said omg this is terrible and he said but i actually know what the hell im doing dont you remember how deep down youre actually not great at music and they were all oh yeah ok whatever who cares more drugs please

    and in the article i saw this picture of Belinda their singer in this garbage bag dress  

    and i thought wow this is even better than the potato sack and you dont even need any lining plus who the hell wants to wear a potato sack anyways

    and i never thought of a beret.

    god im dumb.

  7. Monday, May 23, 2016

    why do old people hate beyonce? 

    beyonce formation

    in my weird universe Beyonce is Queen. thats how it is on my social media, in the web sites i read, and the young people i know.

    when i drive if one of her songs comes on, especially the newer ones, everyone will hush up and sing along.

    last week she sold out the 100,000 seat Rose Bowl, by her damn self, to support a record that had just come out a few weeks previous. The average ticket price was about $100 and the good seats were much more.

    before the Rose Bowl concert went off,  she announced a future engagement at the more intimate 50,000 seat Dodger Stadium in September where face value ticket prices on the field range from $500 – $2,000. if you want to sit at the tippy-top of the baseball stadium tickets are a mere $109 before Ticketmaster et all get their cut.

    beyonce poolpeople admire her beauty, singing, dancing, style, lyrics, husband, child, marriage, career, and most importantly the way she handles herself in times of every day real life drama.

    people, other than those who wrote in last week to complain that the LA Times, that is. and what really irked them was the paper put one of their stories about her on the OMG front page.

    Chuck from Huntington Beach said “I love newspapers.  I have been a subscriber of The Times since 1972.  I am not a subscriber of the National Enquirer, but it is beginning to seem that way.  I know all print media are struggling to stay afloat, but come on, guys.  There has to be some actual news you could put on Page 1.”

    Jeff in Eagle Rock wrote, “Does an unusually gushy article about Beyoncé deserve to be on the front page of The Times when another story about her is on Page 1 of Calendar?”

    There was Carole down in San Diego who complained, “Really, Beyoncé is front page news? And we wonder why someone like Donald Trump could be a leading candidate for president. By any chance, have you seen the movie ‘Idiocracy’?”

    And of course Marty in Whittier who asked, “Is it just me or is anyone else getting weary of Beyoncé?”

    if I was the LA Times, I’d write an op-ed defending its coverage and educating it’s whining readership why they, like the ticket buying public of this country and the world, appreciate her.

    beyonce formationperhaps they can get into the fact that it’s rare for a black woman on a solo tour to be able to command such a huge audience that cuts across race, gender, and age. perhaps they can show pictures of attendees of the enormous Rose Bowl audience crying. Maybe it should be written by a choreographer who can explain that while many female stars like Brittany Spears or Rihanna or Taylor Swift pose real nice, Queen Bey is dancing in dozen of numbers in ways we haven’t seen since Tina Turner.

    there’s a reason they keep inviting her back to the Super Bowl. there’s a reason HBO allowed her what amounted to an infomercial last month to air her groundbreaking Lemonade long-form video. there’s a reason she can put her album on the fledgling Tidal and everyone will rush to the streaming service to hear what she has to say.

    it is because for many many many who don’t usually have a voice in papers like the LA Times or even in LA, she is their Streisand, their Elvis, their Beatles. and there is no way in hell that Marty in Whittier would have bitched that the paper gave The King too much ink if he ever sold out the Rose Bowl.

    so he should probably STFU about The Queen getting hers.

    or better yet, perhaps they should OMG listen to what she’s singing about and realize that she’s just not singing to girls, women, black, brown, gay and straight people, she’s singing to and for everyone. and that’s why everyone, pretty much, adore her. including your local rag.

  8. Sunday, May 22, 2016

    creativity and progress are not bonuses, they are necessities 

    cruel shoesive been around the block now and ive seen some things

    one of the things that bothers me and worries me and gets me depressed is what can happen at

    The Top

    rarely up there do i see creative geniuses. right now i have the pleasure of working for someone who is an innovator and thats one reason i enjoy working for him.

    but as i talk to others and as i remember some of my previous gigs there seems to be this trend to

    put people at the top who are not innovators, who punish creativity, who resist change

    even if others in their very same field are reaping the rewards of trying new things, especially in the digital storytelling world.

    whats bizarre is these are the people making bucketloads of money, who have been given close to unlimited power and who influence the young all around them that

    you should not aspire to be Prince

    instead you should do your very best to be a safe derivative of something safe.

    a Drake, a Bruno Mars, a Live, a Creed,

    a Joe Buck.

    the thing that worries me is not the immediate effect because talented people just peace out and move on to bigger and better and shine their light elsewhere

    it is the long term detriment. one where middle management, newbies, and interns see

    that playing it super safe = money power & bitches.

    whats great about digital media today is there’s a scoreboard. you can see from your stats if you are bringing in and retaining an audience. you can see it in your unique visitors, in time spent, in your social media numbers

    and in the broader view: are people copying your style and ways.

    if all you are doing is following the leader and nobody in the world is following you, you are unworthy of your job because a robot could be doing what you’re doing. even babies can mimic, so who are you?

    in sports you can play to win

    or play not to lose.

    when you play not to lose you either dont lose

    or you lose.

    you never win.

    our mommas did not go through nine months of pregnancy, all those years of changing diapers, sitting with us to learn our alphabets and time tables

    so we can roll in to work and

    not win.

    it is disrespectful to them, the people who pay us, and those who are influenced by us.

    and it fucks with the nature of things itself.

    we as a species are constantly evolving.

    you arent because youre scared but guess what we’re all scared

    be scared

    but keep moving

    and stop getting in the way of the people around you

    who rock.

  9. my mom doesnt like it when i swear on here 


    but what can i do.

    i bet picassos mom didnt like it when he painted nude ladies.

    i bet rembrants mom didnt like it when he used so much gray

    i bet warhols mom didnt like it when he was always wearing sunglasses.

    we love our moms but sometimes the paint is gonna do what the paints gonna do.

    to me the secret of creativity is to get out of the way.

    the spirit doesnt have hands or a blog or a reliable internet connection

    and thats why God made Earth and us. hi!

    likewise we dont have any good ideas.

    if this blog was devoid of any spirit all id do on here is put up xxx pictures the NSA save to the cloud

    and write about baseball.

    no one would read that.

    how do i know? have you seen how few ads there have been in the last 10 years

    inside the LA Times Sports section?

    the kkk took my baby away

    video killed the radio star

    and espn took all the money out of sports pages.

    today im gonna have brunch with a guy named mike.

  10. Saturday, May 21, 2016

    fuck radio, fuck mtv for abandoning us all 

    fuck ticketmaster fuck the dh fuck cancer

    but one thing they can never take from us

    even when they cant figure out a way to strip all the art from it

    in their tireless attempt to suck all the money out of it

    is rock and roll.

    a guitar and a voice.

    there is a spirit that comes straight down from heaven into us all

    people have different words for it

    and at its roots it is love.

    and it manifests in that contagious chorus

    that is so natural at it’s heart

    which is why it heals us there

    so we can then take on what needs to get done.

    rock on little girl

    and rock on florence and the machine.