nothing in here is true

  1. Wednesday, October 26, 2016

    i told you not to sweat it 


    today the Cubs manhandled the Indians

    they now go to back home to Chicago.

    the first team that wins 3 games is champs.

    the next three games is at Wrigley Field.

    i am targeted to go to the third one.

    i am the luckiest man alive.

  2. why isn’t anyone talking about the battle of the art museums? 

    art institute of chicagoone of the nice things about the Indians and the Cubs squaring off in the fall classic is you don’t have attention grabbing mayors betting buckets of lobsters

    or if their team loses they’ll sing in the opponents uniform.

    instead, because both of these cities have gone lifetimes since they’ve last been in the World Series, they’re focused on winning it.

    they’re also super stoked just to be in it.

    no one seems more stoked than the art institute of chicago

    and the cleveland museum of art

    who had a heartwarming battle in social media yesterday when the chicago museum (as seen in Ferris Buellers Day Off) took some liberties with Gustave Caillebotte’s “Paris Street; Rainy Day” – a work that was completed a mere 31 years before the Cubs won it’s last world championship.

    the art institute has always had a healthy sense of humor and civic pride when it comes to Chicago sports, when the Bears were in the Super Bowl they’d put helmets on the lions in front of the main entrance (since they have Jay Cutler they just put scarves on them). and this year they have fashioned some Cubs hats on them. They’ve also put Black Hawks jerseys and helmets on the lions.

    yesterday the museum posted the reworking of the Caillebotte on it’s Facebook and called out the Cleveland museum and quickly the Ohio museum rallied and posed for a picture of many of its employees donning Indians garb.

    there were signs, big heads and even one dude posed like Rodin’s “Thinker”

    cleveland museum

    gotta love museum humor.

    and midwesterners who don’t make goofy ridiculous corny bets

    like, oh god, this one between the governors of ohio and illinois involving mustard and deep dish pizza.

    oh well.

    Go Cubs.

  3. Tuesday, October 25, 2016

    it’s ok 

    sad jon

    we rallied a few times

    wore down their best pitcher

    gave up two dongs to their #9 hitter

    and popped our world series cherry

    this team is young and emotional and has a lot of pressure on them.

    they will bounce back tomorrow behind jake, i promise.

    enjoy the night.

  4. his name is kyle schwarber 

    kyle schwarber

    he was hurt all year.

    then like kirk gibson in 88 he got off his black ass and said

    put me in coach, im ready to play.

    is he ready to play? probably not.

    will he play? hes starting in a few hours, batting 5th, in the DH spot.

    fuck the DH but whattya gonna do,

    mlb gave cleveland home field, so theres gonna be maybe four games with a DH

    so schwarber it is.

    if i were to have bought a cubs jersey this year it would have either been schwarber

    or willson contreras

    contreras has been hitting out of his mind. for some reason he isnt starting tonight

    but you will see him in some situation unless the cubs blow them out

    which they might with my man schwarb back in the band.

    this is just another amazing page to this long wonderful tale.

  5. couldnt sleep last night 


    finally did. woke up at 6am. couldnt get back to sleep. how could i?

    people are emailing me, theyre texting me, they’re sending me messages on Instagram DM

    tony is not home right now.

    if you see him, it is his hologram.

    if you get a message from him it is from his intern.

    tony is curled up like a ball will his cats licking him and then licking each other.

    and then falling asleep next to him.

    heres something interesting i got in my in box this morning

    108 Years since the Cubs won the World Series:

    • It takes 108 outs to win the NLCS and 108 outs to win the World Series (27 outs per game x 4 games won = 108 outs).
    • AG Spalding, the Chicago Cubs’ first manager and owner of the Spalding Sporting Goods, wrote a rule into the National League’s first set of rules requiring teams to only use Spalding baseballs. His baseballs have 108stitches. His office was at 108 W. Madison.
    • The distance from both the left field and right field foul poles to home plate at Wrigley Field is 108 meters.
    • The City of Chicago’s zoning records show that Planned Development #108 belongs to Wrigley Field. There are 1,336 planned developments in Chicago.
    • The Ricketts family, who own the Cubs, made their fortune with Omaha-based TD Ameritrade. Its corporate headquarters are located on 108th Avenue.
    • The movies “Taking Care of Business” and “Back to the Future Part II” both feature the Cubs winning the World Series. Both movies are108minutes long.
    • Cubs game broadcasts are transmitted from the top of the Willis Tower, which is 108 stories tall.
    • The Cubs’ lawsuit against the State of Illinois to have games at night at Wrigley Field was recorded in Volume 108 of the Illinois Supreme Court Reports.
    • The World Series trophy is made of silver, which carries the atomic weight of 108.
    • 108 is a sacred number in Yoga. Jake Arrieta does yoga six days a week.
    • Cubs star pitcher Jon Lester was born in the 108th largest city in the U.S., Tacoma Washington (according to the 2010 National Census.)
    • NLCS Game 2 starting pitcher was Kyle Hendricks.  Hendricks was born on 12/7/89. 12+7+89=108.

    And the last 2 Cubs to be inducted into the Hall of Fame:             RON SANTO  #10             ANDRE DAWSON  #8

  6. Monday, October 24, 2016

    the sweetest notes from people who have chipped in 

    managersAbout 24 hours ago I started a GoFundMe
    to see if enough people could help me get to Wrigley Field to see the Cubs in the World Series.
    (it cost $4,000 to sit in the bleachers)
    (crazy, huh)

    I am blown away that in that short period of time the pot is up to $677!

    Here are some of the things people have written in their notes:

    Cubbie Birthday, Brother Tony !
    We’ve only met a handful of times but I know you love music, the Nexus and the Cubs! Happy Birthday!

    I’m so excited for you!!!

    Happy 50th Tony! Sending you love and pulling for the Cubs!

    F@&$ yeah Tony! You gotta go!

    First beer is on me bud.

    Other than my late cousin Don, you are the biggest Cubs fan I know. Always happy to help a Cub fan out. Happy Birthday Tony and when you go, say hi to Don for me (he’s on the field and in the ivy) and he is their good luck charm this year.

    Happy birthday, Tony!

    Happy 50th! Now go to Chicago.

    They won’t win unless you’re there.

    Hope you make it Tony. Here is my, albeit small, contribution.

    I’m poor, but I believe in dreams.

    Go and enjoy every moment!!!

    I know the coolest people. Thank you!

    Just $3.1k to go!

  7. had a nightmare last night 


    but it could have been aided by the thunderstorms and lightning and light rain.

    it doesnt really rain out here it drizzles.

    little tiny bursts sometimes, but nothing sustained.

    almost like the weather wants to punish LA for some reason.

    it’s like la la la and then someone says why are you raining on LA you know youre not supposed to.

    then the rain is all, oh yeah forgot, and flies up to frisco.

    i have two rally rags on my bedpost. one from frisco and one from dodger stadium.

    theyre like bulls ears from a matador after he “won” his fight.

    i want one from cleveland.

    i started a gofundme to get me into the bleachers of wrigley for game 5 but those tix are like $4k

    the ones in cleveland are way cheaper.

    in one day i got 10% there, so we’ll see.

    if anything the good people will fly me to chicago and buy me some beers.

    id love to go to the game but just being around all the cub fans will be nice.

    but i would like to go.

    id like this nightmare to be over.

  8. maybe i wasnt meant to be bukowski 

    John Martin and Bukowski

    maybe i was meant to be john martin, the publisher who “discovered” him.

    despite the fact that he was getting printed in various magazines and smut papers, charles bukowski, as legend would have it, was plucked from obscurity by a book publisher in santa barbara

    who told him that he would pay him whatever he was currently being paid at the post office

    and then give him royalties on his books

    if only he would quit sorting mail.

    the deal was agreed to and the rest was literature history.

    if i was a publisher i would pay good money to get Zulieka outta the mail room

    because look what she wrote yesterday

  9. Sunday, October 23, 2016