nothing in here is true

  1. Tuesday, December 18, 2018

    bohemian rhapsody 

    i will watch any bio pic about any band any time. 

    i love music so much and music docs or retellings, especially if they utilize the actual tunes, will have me glued, so i am the wrong person to ask about the Freddy Mercury film because of course i loved it. 

    rami malek was perfect in every way possible. his accent, his moves, the way he arched his back, the way he posed

    i grew up in an extremely homophobic town. if you were a teenage boy you could barely say you liked Journey without being called gay. And yet every long haired rocker had a Judas Priest shirt despite the fact that Rob Halford was never seen without a full leather daddy outfit. 

    Why were we surprised when he came out, likewise why was Queen of all bands allowed a pass? 

    Because sometimes the music is so good that the champion of the gayest guy in the room can sing it right to your face and all you see are heart emojis. 

    I’m still very curious why I never thought about Freddy’s sexuality while in high school. Could he have been more blatant? Whatever. Loved him then, love him more now. 

    My only gripe about the film was they glossed right over “Under Pressure” like it’s NBD that Queen had an unbelievable collaboration with David Bowie. As if that song wasn’t a huge hit for both of them. For Queen it was just their second #1 tune in the UK, for Bowie it was his third. 

    Originally Bowie came to the studio with Queen to sing background on a song that was never released. So while he was there they jammed and tried another song that failed. Later they met up again in Switzerland and jammed and you can hear via the scatting on “Under Pressure” how they were formulating the dynamic tune. It is epic not in length but in styles. Count how many changes happen in it: a gazillion. It goes from one song to another to another to another and returns to that beautiful Vanilla Ice riff. 

    How do you just toss that into a story about something else? 

    Whatever. Loved it. Give the dude an award because fuck man that could not have been easy to do. 

  2. Sunday, December 16, 2018

    am i a terrible boyfriend? yes. 

    and here’s how i know. she keeps telling me, “don’t change a thing. i love you exactly how you are.”

    she doesn’t complain about the laundry that is in baskets for weeks, she doesn’t say a word about the endless newspapers that litter the bathroom floor. she never says a word about my taste in clothing or anything.

    she says stay gold ponyboy and i know what thats code for

    clearly i must rethink everything as the axe is about to fall. 

    what person in Trump’s staff has survived once sarah huckabee sanders has said “the president has full confidence in…”

    i dont even have full confidence in me.

    is this because i have been away from the office environment for so long now and i need Others around me to be happy?

    is it because my monthly stipend still hasn’t arrived and i need money to feel secure?

    is it because i have never met a woman who looked me in the eyes and said, change nothing while i was breathing garlic and morning breath on her? 

    i have never met a person who has not wanted more and/or better in their relationship, and for sure not someone in a ship with me, which is why i have such a long list of experiences.

    first order of business for Monday: toupee.

  3. Saturday, December 15, 2018

    im learning some things on this path 

    im talking to people. lots of people. lots of freelancers. and here’s what they tell me one and all

    don’t put all your eggs in one basket. 

    one of them was telling me about a particular Christmas, they had some money coming to them. each month they did the work, they filed their invoice and they got their money. except on this one Christmas

    they would go to the mail box every day and every day it was everything except for that check. and they would do this or that to make sure their payments for their car and their apartment wouldn’t bounce, but that included all this stress. stress they never experienced before when they were working 9 to 5 and the direct deposit would arrive every two weeks like clockwork.

    freelancers do not have such luxury. they never know when the checks will come. 

    one person told me, after that anxiety filled Christmas where they thought they would never be able to buy gifts and pay bills on time due to this late-coming check, they decided

    im never going to find myself in a situation where one check made or broke my Christmas. 

    im a hard worker, this person said, working hard is not the problem. weird loyalties are the problem. patience is fine, but multiple checks flowing in to the mailbox is better. 

  4. Friday, December 14, 2018


    Is beauty enough? Fine directing, gorgeous images. But what if the plot is so thin it doesn’t exist?

    This movie reminds me of getting your car cleaned so well that you cant tell if you even have a windshield

    but then you realize you’re driving through endless fields of corn.

  5. Thursday, December 13, 2018

    not everythings terrible 

    they’ll tell you it is but it isnt. 

    sure theres misery and sadness and evil and horribleness far as the eye can see

    but theres always a silver lining, a rainbow, a pot of gold

    without peaks and valleys we’d never have waterfalls or pitchers mounds

    donuts would cost a fortune

    i spent a little more on Christmas than i expected, so i will be driving uber again shortly to pay it off

    for months now ive only worked on the secret project, obsessively

    even on Sundays (a sin), but i’m working on it.

    my cats are hunting a magical cricket

  6. Wednesday, December 12, 2018

    deep down i dont know what, but deepr down i do 

    every time i go to this, i forget. but here we are now, entertain us.

    right now theres only two things i wanna blog about when i blog and the first is blogging which is boring and the other is amber which will bore you.

    i wanna write about her because shes a mystery. the whole thing is a day dream. 

    every girlfriend ive had has been so different than the others and some of the things that some liked the others hated and likewise some things that they hated about me, the others loved. so youre constantly adjusting, as you should, and expecting something to go terribly wrong if this happens but nothing wrong goes wrong when that happens so you move on. 

    amber is pure of spirit. she only wants the best for all parties. she is perfectly situated as a concierge because service is so important to her that shes at work an hour early every day, completely prepared, and ready to take on every task. 

    she takes the bus home, cleans up a little, cooks, and then urges me to do yoga with her and then eats four salads. her oddities remind me that im weirder than everyone combined so i should shut the hell up. but her peculiarities are amusing and not annoying. unless we are driving.

    monday we had the fanciest dinner of all time for free because she won employee of the month. they fed us well and in turn i overtipped because thats how it should be. today was her company party so we returned and ate giant shrimps and shook a million peoples hands and drove through hollywood which i must tell you is one of my pure joys of life

    while having my hand on her leg, listening to sinatras christmas album

    got home, and as she was falling asleep she said, turn off tv now

    which sends me to the living room with the cats

    and i watched the manchurian candidate which was way different than i expected. 

  7. Monday, December 10, 2018

    my man jerry invited me to church 

    so i went to church.

    we met in the garage and took the elevator up and the guy in the elevator said are you two friends?

    he said, yes we havent seen each other in a while though.

    the man asked, oh? how long has it been?

    and jerry said 18 years. 

    jerry’s a good man, drives a cab that he owns. he has a long graying beard. walks with a cane. drives all the way from orange county to koreatown to go to this church because he says the ones by his house aren’t very progressive, let’s say. 

    i had only gotten a few hours sleep because i was up all night working. didn’t get to bed until 5am because i didn’t wanna work at all on Sunday seeing that i knew i was going to church early and da bears were on at 5pm and who can concentrate leading up to a game between two teams leading their respective divisions?

    so i worked and worked and so many things in life are so subjective so you try to make it as good as you can but who really knows if anyones going to like it until they say holy shit tony this is so good, so simple, so clear, so informative, and at times funny.  God has blessed you!

    jerry expected me at that church at 10:20 and there i was at 10:20 in that elevator and i was all, wow, 18 years? time flies.

    i was so sleepy. but who doesnt like a grand, beautiful, old school christian church with high ceilings and an enormous pipe organ with pipes over there, over here, behind you, in front of you, and an expert from UCLA playing the music, making it all work.

    preacher said his hellos, the choir led us into two obscure Christmas hymns and then a woman, a beautiful young woman, in a period outfit said, and now i introduce you to Charles Dickens

    and a man dressed up like that olden time whenever that was, waltzed out and the two of them, using musical instruments and a few chairs, acted out the entirety of A Christmas Carol. 

    at first i was all, thats cute they’re going to do the opening and peace out so we can get back to church. but nope they introduced the three ghosts of Christmas Whatever – and these were thorough introductions, and then they went to the next one and next one.

    the church was packed and entranced. applause breaking out after a beautiful song sung by the woman or a particularly well delivered soliloquy delivered by the man. 

    did i catch myself dozing off from time to time due to the soothing melody of well written and sung lines by two obvious professionals? only the Lord knows.

    and Jerry. 


  8. Saturday, December 8, 2018

    blogging is hard enough 

    heres the hard thing about blogging: keeping it real. 

    we live in polite society.

    we also live among humans and humans love gossip. 

    so on your blog you can either have no friends no job no life and 100% keep it real on your amazing blog and be perez hilton – and noone wants that

    or you can say nothing in heres true but still withhold like 99% of your life

    or you can somehow tip toe around everything and attempt to make general stories that could apply to anyone. but seriously how many of us are the Brothers Grimm? 

    so when your blog cms changes and you cannot revert back safely, you feel as though you were already floating in space, but now you have been detached from the space ship. 

    its just you and your suit against the world. and you may stop breathing soon.

    which is exactly what they want you to think.

  9. Friday, December 7, 2018

    title goes here 

    maybe the key is writing first and then seeing what happens then adding the photo after, which is the opposite of how blogging should be but whatever.

    it was raining pretty bad this morning. so bad it was wonderful. i was able to get some work done and i was considering ordering postmates even though you cant get that too often.

    however, what a better time than if its raining?

    but then i got a text message from the young lady who was all its raining i was all yeah and she was like come get me

    only reason i did was cuz it’s the fourth day of hanukkah and everyone knew it was supposed to rain

    so i figured no one would be on the roads and luck be a lady, the roads were clear.

    picked her up. went to Pho 2000, ran a few errands and we were in bed by 5:30pm watching game of thrones. by 6:30pm she was alseep and i was back to work.

    this is the incredible star studded life all of us in hollywood are living.

  10. Thursday, December 6, 2018