nothing in here is true

  1. Saturday, June 24, 2017

    my cookie has expired 

    sort of a perfect day

    one ride after another, little ones, long ones,

    profitable, not worth it

    a cancel from an elusive good one.

    two teenage you tube stars;

    a vegas cocktail waitress heading home after a mid week soiree with a new love;

    dude picking up his girlfriend for a romantico italiano dinner on their one year anniversary

    another dude who had been hanging at a high price veggie and fruit store

    said he goes there on friday nights and drinks coffee

    because models shop there.

    (which is true)

    then two PR peeps who told me about the last time they were actually star struck.

    one of the youtube stars had just recorded a song i said is it on apple she was all yes

    blushing in the backseat, her bff laughing saying i know all the words

    i held my phone and said PLAY SIERRA JUST THIS MOMENT

    and it found it and

    this girl sang soooo — like she was 30.

    this girl was 17.

    i said quit school.

    she said i wanna learn production.

    i said fall in love, and write a song a day like what andy warhol told lou reed

    and when you break up write three a day.

  2. Thursday, June 22, 2017

    wild mood swings 

    if libras are one thing we are lovers

    if we are two things we are peacemakers and lovers

    if we are three things it’s




    which is why the xbi is filled with libras.

    maybe something happens at 50 though

    or maybe it’s the fact that the cubs won the world series and life no longer has meaning

    but things have been bothering me recently.

    the dumbest things.

    the dumbest things in the world.

    things that have zero meaning in the universe when it comes right down to it.

    and earth to tony: goal posts do move. people change their minds about things.

    people are not completely predictable reliable narrators.

    and, no, not everyone is transparent.

    so what.

    yours is the kingdom of heaven.

    run away from things of the earth.

    fucking meek are gonna inherit this

    ignore this.

    jesus didnt run around getting pissed off deep down inside about this or that.

    there were a few times, sure, in the money changing temple

    in that super big crowd for some reason

    and right when he was gonna get ratted out.

    im sorry, BETRAYED

    but for the most part he was chilly chill.

    got home today and i wanted to cry.

    even though i had the best uber ride with these two mexican kids on their way to the snoop dogg show

    west LA to staples on 2.5 surge.

    maybe some people cry when theyre happy.

    maybe some people can get happy.

    me, as they trained us way back when,

    i just get hungry.

  3. you know someone respects you 

    and considers you their friend

    if they send you pics of their naked body covered in either



    stress rash

    sun rash

    BDSM bites

    and/or panic attacks.

    for some reason Mary thinks I’m a doctor.

    far as i know her man is a world renowned surgeon, but me she sends her gross pics to.

    but i’ll take it because i have nothing better to do than sit in bed with a differnt hot blonde doing gross google searches as the tv flickrs and the cats peek under the closed door and the wind


    and the trucks back up outside

    beep beep beep beep

    called my city representative yesterday.

    got his lackey.

    actually got the lackey’s assistant.

    that dude DID NOT want me to leave a message, but i convinced him to allow it anyways. i left a message.

    dude left ME a message the next day which was full of baloney.

    one thing i like about Mary is she isn’t full of baloney. at least not to me. which is something that i also consider respectful.

    when people feed me bs i consider it this:

    Tony, I know you’re not a dummy but i’m hoping on this one topic you are, so heres a ton of malarkey im gonna toss at you.

    because you probably are a dummy.

    but im not.

    i just dont know what causes rashes.

    and im secretly trying to find something – anything – else to look at in your nudes.

  4. Wednesday, June 21, 2017

    debating seeing Roger Waters 

    apparently this show is amaze

    also hes 73

    rock stars dont last this long

    except for the Stones, i know,

    and zep


    tix are like $181

    the screens are supposed to be like U2, incredible

    and i do love those songs

    but they do depress me sometimes

    amber has been paying rent, so maybe i should be happy about that and use that money for tix

    but i wanted to use that money to pay off the national debt.

    because debt is bad, mmmmkay? but missing great rock shows is also bad.

    do you see the problems i have in my life?

    we’re all gonna die.

    i should probs go to the rock show. so i have something to talk to St. Peter about.

    cuz lord knows i dont have any good stories up my sleeve,

    and all the angels and saints are dying for rock reviews.

    and not tales of freedom.

  5. Monday, June 19, 2017

    pretty sure soon big businesses are gonna know your every move 

    your beloved phone rats you out all day

    every day

    all night.

    even if you dont facebook, the GPS tracker is on

    even if you dont twitter, your email is tied to a giant company and

    that company literally let Bush and then Obama

    and now Trump

    totally dig their paws through your data.

    it’s gotta be a Pandoras Box for someone like the current POTUS

    and thats probably why he’s PISSED all the time

    that sort of knowledge can do a number to a stable man

    imagine if youre unhinged.

    today he fired Sean Spencer, the clown prince

    he might replace him with Laura Ingram which would be a laugh riot.

    all i know is this.

    if i was Samsung, and I wanted to take a giant bite out of Apple’s phone sales, i would make a device that wouldn’t rat you out.

    id make an email system that’s totally secure.

    and i wouldn’t use cell towers to do the communique, id use proxy servers and flubbystones.

    people would pay double what theyre paying right now

    because to a certain extent, privacy does mean something to some of us

    and where theres a demand, there’s a price.

  6. Sunday, June 18, 2017

    made up my mind, wont turn around 

    all the years of music.

    all the years of Christianity.

    then, not that long ago, comes Gospel music.

    pure American if ever there was a thing.

    black people singing, preaching, witnessing, combining the blues with choral hymns.

    but better.

    the god in the godfathermother of rock n roll.




    you can invent a dance craze that comes and goes, you can invent a pocket fisherman, you can even invent a Pet Rock

    which are all brilliant. but how do you just come and create the most joyful noise, the most beautiful spiritual sound of all.

    the songs of slaves, not of their native tongue, a true light in the darkness

    a retelling of the greatest stories ever told.

    how you gonna do that without

    singing about it.

  7. picked up a beautiful woman in a high cut black dress 

    in a good part of town. i had just washed my car. and i was thinking about putting on jazz.

    as she approached she seemed younger than 30 so i switched over to todays sounds, sung by women, mostly.

    she got in and we hit it off immediately. she was going to a graduation party for some of her fellow med students.

    i had a soon-to-be surgeon in the back seat.

    i asked her how come in movies theyre always cutting off peoples legs.

    she said if you get an infection and it screws with the main blood flow or the big bone, then your leg dies anyways and there you are with a dead leg.

    so you my as well cut the damn thing off.

    the earlier the better.

    she said back in the day, the kings would be fragile from other dumb things that they did in medicine back then and they’d break a leg and it would just die there. but no one had the guts to tell the king, dude, your leg is dead, it smells, and every time your butler pulls out the footstool, IT STINKS UP THE JOINT

    one of the leading causes of old school leg deaths: too much sugar leading to diabetes.

    i was sipping on a super big gulp of Classic Coke at the time.

    rolled down the window and threw it right into the traffic.

    im telling you, i learn something with every trip.

  8. Saturday, June 17, 2017

    you can say anything you want to about me 

    you can say my clothes are terrible

    or i ended up fat

    but one thing you cant say is you couldnt get hold of me.

    where is this world where people melt into when you send out an email or text

    and they don’t get back for 5-6 hours?

    where do those people go?

    me, i have my phone on me at all times, you know, like a normal person.

    if im in a movie, fine, out of commish for 2 hours. but 4?

    and during the week i get even more baffled.

    during work hours shouldnt you be available within minutes? whats up with being out of pocket for half the day?

    this last two days people have contacted me via email, text, facebook messenger, LinkedIn chat, Slack, Snapchat message, Instagram message and even the good old phone.

    pretty girl this morning even rolled over and whispered something in my ear.

    we live in the age of communication and i wonder about the ones who peace out for so long.

    i wonder if

    they can

    take me

    with them.

  9. i dont give a damn about my bad reputation 

    last night AJ and I saw Joan Jett and then Boston at the Greek.

    I never knew “I Love Rock n Roll” was a cover. Anyways when Bad Reputation is your 4th tune, it’s a good set.

    Victim of Circumstance (1981)
    Cherry Bomb (The Runaways)
    Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) (Gary Glitter)
    Bad Reputation (1981)
    You Drive Me Wild (The Runaways)
    Light of Day (Bruce Springsteen)
    Love Is Pain (1981)
    Love Is All Around (Mary Tyler Moore theme) Sonny Curtis cover)
    I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll (The Arrows)
    Crimson & Clover (Tommy James & the Shondells)
    I Hate Myself for Loving You (1988)
    Everyday People (Sly & The Family Stone cover)

    Then Boston came out and it was like a bunch of dads who have been practicing this shit for years.

    Worth it.


  10. Friday, June 16, 2017

    had a great night driving last night 

    started later than normal but heres what i have learned about control: aint no such thing.

    driving around fairfax picked up a native american which in canada they call First Nation

    she was from canada – outside vancouver.

    do you know of Matthew Good? i ask. “yes!” she says excitedly.

    then, “is he from vancouver?”

    took her to the Hollywood Bowl to see Phoenix. i think she was going alone.

    got on the wrong side of the traffic jam so i headed toward Universal Studios. i figured i might get lucky and get someone leaving the park or a businessman hopefully trying to get to LAX from one of those hotels over by there.

    sure enough, a ping from a hotel. hot dam! when he waved at me with his shorts and cute girlfriend i thought oh no i hope they arent here to see Phoenix because that traffic was horrible.

    they were going to Griffith Observatory! whoooo hoooo.

    have you seen La La Land? I ask. the observatory is prominently featured.

    yes, the young lady answered scrunching her face in disapproval. but i didnt like it.

    got a couple of short rides and a cancellation that Uber didn’t pay me for, so i headed home, but kept the apps on.

    then around melrose and la brea get a ping from Sugarfish.

    probably a couple heading home after a little sushi meal. fine. whatever. who cares. cubs are world champs.

    dude says, 79th street, westchester. bango! ($28)

    got home and amber, who is crashing with me while she finds a new pad, had made dinner, got dolled up

    and had done all the dishes.

    i shoulda played the numbers.