busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Thursday, January 29, 2015

    andrew sullivan quit blogging today: good 

    kennedy deppi didnt read his whole deal, because it was whining, but i understand.

    blogging isn’t easy. especially marathon blogging. and for sure its a grind when youre writing about politics.

    but judging from what i read, bro was sad that there isn’t a vibrant blogging community out there any more, and it seemed he was sad there wasnt a bunch of money left in it neither.

    to quote the great artie lang: whaaaaaaaaa.

    omg boo hoo you cant make a bucketload from writing on the web.

    i say good.

    when the blogosphere was buzzing, those were some good times, but does no one remember all the scum? all the lame ass blogs trying to teach you how to make money from your crappy crap?

    all the blogs that were just echos of the others?

    ignorance on top of ignorance sprinkled with annoyance?

    all of those ppl are gone now.

    now is the time the real bloggers are doing their thing.

    anyone can blog when there are ads paying your rent and commentors fueling your ego

    the real writing happens in a lonesome, empty

    darkly lit

    pit.

    now is the worst time to bail.

  2. Feeling Minnesotan 

    The Minnesota Timberwolves dont have a lot to celebrate or party with right now, in part because their best player, Kevin Love, defected to Cleveland to play alongside King James.

    In advance of Love’s first game back to the Twin Cities, the TWolves put out this video today which to me is the most brilliant diss of the year.

  3. Wednesday, January 28, 2015

    i want chips, like all the time, in my mouth 

    funyuns

    it’s what makes me fat, im certain, but what can i do.

    those and the drive thru visits. and the lack of exercise.

    but what i want, always, as in right now, are chips. any sorts.

    doritios, bbq, oil and vinegar, cheetos, fritos, sun chips, avocado chips,

    but especially funyuns, like right now, like in my mouth.

    the problem with funyuns though is they ruin your breath for a good day.

    no amount of mouthwash will wash that onion out.

    so like what if a nice girl wants to kiss you?

    you can point to your cheek and have her kiss there, but youre supposed to be a man.

    on top of that youre supposed to be a gentleman, which means everything about you should smell fantastic.

    most importantly your breath. which it wont if you eat funyuns.

    i dont even like onions is the thing but i love funyuns.

    thats how crazy i am.

    so usually the only time i indulge in my favorite snack is late at night

    once i know theres no chance for a pretty girl to wanna smooch with me.

    it’s also a good booty call device because if someone txts you and says whattya doin

    and its 2:15am, you can honestly say, i just downed a bag of funyuns

    and if they say can me and my bff come over you can say

    i just downed a bag of funyuns

    and see if they giggle and say

    so

  4. 29 years ago today i was selling tvs in west LA’s 

    space shuttle Challenger crew

    the super store was called Federated Group, known for its zany commercials, i was but a lad but i was great at selling home stereos, car stereos, boomboxes,

    however tvs were my specialty.

    29 years ago for some reason i was working the afternoon shift. maybe i didnt have school that day.

    not a lot of salesmen were on the floor. i remember this clearly. because when the rich couple came in looking for a new tv i was able to greet them and begin qualifying the customer.

    you know: what tv are you replacing, where will this go in your home, what features are you looking for, what made you choose Federated, could it have been our world famous extended service plans?

    and as they started talking behind me the giant wall of 100 tvs all started showing the same thing: the Challenger space shuttle warming up on the launch pad.

    “hey before we go on, how about we watch the astronauts?” the gentleman asked.

    “sure, I said and turned up the volume of the JVC 25″ set that i wanted to sell them and the Sony 25 XBR that i used to compare it to that cost $100 more that i was willing to allow them to trade up to

    their choice.

    the countdown began, 10, 9, 8, 7, etc, the smoke built up around the space craft

    then the ship began to slowly rise from the platform, it gained speed

    and, of course, it then exploded

    zenith, magnavox, rca, daytron, hitachi, panasonic, quasar, and even the sony and jvc all showed those brilliant lives

    scatter across the sky.

    the couple looked at the screens like i did, in astonishment

    and then sadness.

    and then super sadness.

    no tv was purchased that day.

    but they did take my card.

  5. Tuesday, January 27, 2015

    today i learned about thora birch 

    snow kidthora was that young actress who was in American Beauty (but not the one who got naked with the dad) and was also in Ghost World with Scarlet Johnansson.

    Thora, and this is Oscar Trivia that you wont see on Trivial Pursuit, is the only actress to star in an Oscar-winning Best Picture film whose parents were xxx-rated stars.

    yes, both of them.

    in fact both of Thoras parents were not just porn stars but they both appeared in one of the most classic adult films ever: Deep Throat.

    so thats the fun part the cute part the trivia part the part that is unique and weird and all omg

    the sad part is about her dad.

    Thoras dad, despite being a former porn star, gets super weird when dudes stepped to his little girl

    even in movies!

    which as we all know are just like the busblog: make believe.

    thoras dad, allegedly, would blow his top when dudes would have love scenes with his angel and he would threaten them.

    maybe it was like a vietnam flashback? maybe if it wasnt a movie he’d be all cool?

    no, when thora was the ripe old age of 28 she was in a play

    A PLAY

    and mr birch threatened a young actor who was to get cozy with Thora and it basically got her fired from the production.

    which only goes to show you: you can tune a piano but you cant have your dad manage you if he was a porn star who met your mom on the set of Deep Throat.

    now take on the day

  6. Monday, January 26, 2015

    chris and i go to the clipper game 

    clippers game

    my buddy chris is a laker fan. he’s also a season ticket holder.

    he’s only been to two clippers games. one i took him to several years ago.

    and tonight.

    my boss is a clipper fan. he’s also a season ticket holder.

    for some reason he couldnt use his tickets tonight and asked if i was interested.

    i hadnt seen the clippers all year so why not, it was rainy and not really the type of night i wanted to uber in.

    chris picked me up at my pad after work and we drove in.

    we got to our seats, which were good, but after getting our second beer right before halftime we noticed these third row seats seemed lonely and maybe we should eat our nachos there until the half.

    the half came and went and no one booted us, so we stayed.

    its time to do work clippers

    meanwhile the clippers fought back to get the lead through dunks, great D, and solid passing.

    blake griffin ended the night with like 16 points 10 assists and 9 boards.

    i took the subway home and played with the cats who have sorta ignored me

    after they drank blood the other night.

    earlier at work i may have discovered a never before scene in the blues brothers.

    tomorrow i will have to investigate it closer.

    it could be amazing.

  7. Saturday, January 24, 2015

    im worried about heaven 

    ernie banks

    the only logical reason for ernie banks to be dead is because God needed Heaven to be happier.

    Ernie Banks, Mr. Cub, was like the sun. he was always there, always warm, and you’d always be glad to see him.

    the skinny shortstop and later first baseman hit 512 home runs without cheating

    and more importantly, with a smile on his face.

    joy is a thing many athletes, and non-athletes, have difficulty expressing at work

    but not Ernie, even when it was no longer his job.

    like all of us, he loved baseball and the world’s most beautiful park, Wrigley Field so much that you could just see it on his face. and that made you love it.

    ernie has been a Cub my entire life, yet i never remember him in bad spirits, or sad, or, omg mad.

    and trust me, there have been many times all Cub fans have had good reasons to be all of those things.

    ernie was the first black baseball player on the Cubs. imagine that. and like Jackie Robinson for the Dodgers, what a spectacular first for the Cubs. a solid athlete, and an absolute gentleman.

    harry, ernie, and ron santo

    for some reason i never thought he would die.

    for some reason i thought that in a year or two when the Cubs finally won the World Series, there would be Ernie in the locker room holding the trophy, having bubbly poured over him

    and him saying

    this is so wonderful, let’s play two today!

    this year, for some reason, the Cubs’ first game is a night game.

    in honor of their most beloved player ever, they should schedule another game before it, in the day time

    and have an Opening Day Night double header

    because Ernie’s right, any day at Wrigley is wonderful,

    and maybe this will please Heaven.