1. Tuesday, November 27, 2001

    anyone who reads even two pages 

    of this knows im not gay. but the fellas at the expensive gay gym that i belong to, however, probably dont read my web page.

    men are aggressive enough as it is. gay men, in a gym, in a locker room. sheesh. and everyone is trying to show each other how much more naked they can get.

    needless to say, i dont like any of this. i get nervous. i get anxious. i want to dry off, change, and get the heck home.

    theres good points to belonging to a gay gym, however. hot chicks for days.

    bad parts is, i think anything that i do in the locker room is either the gayest thing i can do, or so damn homoerotic, that i couldnt even have planned it better for their enjoyment.

    like the wonderfully talented sksmith, i, too, like to keep my distance when choosing a locker. yesterday i found myself assigned a locker right next to the two old men who try to out-naked each other and out-old themselves. they talk about their diseases, then they talk about how theyre fighting it with exercise and diet. they do all of this butt naked sitting on towels on the bench where i want to be changing.

    so i walked to the front desk and asked for a locker in the back.

    little did i know, but that was code for, “please assign the next gayest guys lockers next to me.”

    so i work out, impress the models, sauna, shower, and there is the gayest guy ive ever seen, buffed out, dressing himself where i want to be. not only does my towel fall off as soon as i get there, but each time i try to adjust it, it falls off again.

    fortunately there are prettier men all around and ultragay guy runs off giggling while i drip in a little puddle of shame.