1. Monday, December 17, 2001

    two things happen in life 

    : fucked up shit, and really nice shit.

    the last time the Bears made it into the playoffs was 85, the Super Bowl Shuffle. the Fridge, Sweetness, McMahon, Ditka, Willie Gault, Singletary, Fencik. Hampton: how do I know all these names off the top of my head? Because it’s some of the nicest moments that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Easilly my favorite football team. But I have to tell you, during it all I disbelieved everything. Even while watching the massacre during the Super Bowl I was waiting and anticipating the tragic downfall that never came. Growing up a Bears fan you dont expect too much nice shit.

    What’s going on with the Bears right now is so nice, I tape it. Nobody I know tapes sports, something about it gets lost when you tape live events, but as the Bears waltz their way into post-season with two knuckleheaded quarterbacks I am documentating it like one would when trying to prove the existence of ghosts. This whole season has been one happy apparation and I can’t even name ten percent of the team. My mom calls and she says, “I’m getting on the A Train.” Clippergirl calls and she says, “All the Packers have to do is lose and the Bears have clinched it.” Welcome to the bandwagon, ladies. There’s plenty of room.

    Of course I ignore the inevitable doom the Bears will be forced endure when they face off against teams like St. Louis or Oakland or Pittsburgh, but that will be so far in the future that it wont matter, and who knows, maybe lady luck will continue to dance with the monsters of the midway and we can just laugh like dot com millionaires through January. Fuck, Nebraska knows that nice shit sometimes appears when you least deserve it and so does our President, so let’s just roll with it while we have it.

    There’s a teen girl in Las Vegas sniffling from the onset of an allergy attack due to kicking up dust in my Hollywood Hills cabana all weekend. I cannot remember a time when I would have discounted or poo-pooed the good fortune of having such a peppy, positive, happy, sexy, giving young girl adore me the way that Ashley has, and yet, just like this Bears run for the Super Bowl, I look at the evidence presented before me and I scoff. Actual scoffing!

    All my adult life I have said that the reason that there aren’t more Christians is becuase people have a hard time accepting Good in their lives. How could someone be able to imagine Heaven, or the Son of God coming down here to pay for our sins if we can’t even show a nice blowjob in a movie or on tv? I used to say that all the time to prove the point that humans have a need to want, and a discomfort of receiving. You want Vanilla Sky to be the Erotic Thriller that Rolling Stone claims it to be: have Penelope give Tom Cruise head for 4 minutes. Fucking film is well past 2 hours long, let her do stuff to his knob in such a way that we know that he’s alive in there. Or something. I dont know what I’m saying half the time. but I know what i’m meaning.

    Whatever, all I ask all of you to do these next few weeks is appreciate some of the good shit that has come your way. Lord knows it might not be around forever. And when it’s gone, you damn sure will miss it. I know I will.