1. Friday, January 11, 2002

    what sort of ex-boyfriend the lad would make 

    It's Serena's title is he the jealous type who will remain jealous even after he has moved on to other babes, or will he be perfect, like me for example?

    chris came over last night for the “Survivor” finale and i grilled her some steaks, prepared huge baked potatoes, boiled some carrots, and heated up a small bowl of my navy bean pork rib stew. chris is an angel who looks more beautiful with each day and it was great to have her over at my place and it was a pretty terrific episode of my favorite tv show (next to the Simpsons) and for the life of me i dont know why the old lady thought that the soccer player would be less competition for her than the punk rocker from Santa Cruz, but it’s all good.

    and i know all you chicks say that there’s more to your boyfriends than looks, but sometimes i seriously doubt it. birthday girl didnt call me all night and still hasnt called me which wouldnt be all that bad but she was being driven by her ex-bf through the desert last night – the very desert that was home to 40 mph winds through the passes. bro was supposed to pick her up at ten am and 2:11pm she wrote me at work saying that he was “on the way,” yet when i arrived home there was a phone message from her at 6pm saying that he still hadnt arrived.

    i called her new roommate down in newport at midnight who said that she had talked to ashley around 8 and they still hadnt left and she said that she tried to call her on bro’s cell phone around 11pm and there was no reception.

    im sure everything is ok, but when i went to bed last night at 4am i still hadnt received a call, which is weird as hell because ashley calls me at least three times a day even if i tell her to take it easy. and part of me says that she maybe wanted to call but didnt because she didnt want to make bro jealous cuz hes a pussy ass bitch like that and would be upset even though his fingers smell of another.

    so fellas, let me talk to you. jealousy is not your friend. it doesnt make you seem cooler, or make you look like you love the girl more. it makes you look like a wuss. you look weak. you are weak. jealousy is an emotion that should be saved for fictional tales of the past – especially if you left the girl who you are now green because of. if your ex expects you at 10am for your emotional journey of change, be there at 9:30 with donuts and daisies. reputation goes a long way and when you’re barely out of highschool you have no clue how much tail there is out there waiting for you, but let me tell you, there’s more than you can ever imagine, so move on and drive your ex safely to where she wants to be and get on with your so-called life.

    and if she wants to call someone, let her, and dont pout like a bitch and if you want to practice being a man, hand her your crappy cell phone so that people know that she and her shit are not strewn across I-15 hundreds of feet from a flipped-over rusty pick-up truck.

    after Survivor, Chris and I screened an academy copy of “Moulin Rouge” which was a zillion times better than i ever expected. i wanted to get right up to my tv to savor all the details, but i was stuffed and we swore we only were going to watch a few minutes of it as it was evidence for a case i had helped break where some pacific palisades teens had stolen dozens of screening copies of all the best films of the year from their parents who worked in the biz and were mass-duplicating them and selling them outside of highschools throughout the southland from, get this, the back of their shiny new sport utility vehicles!

    if everything works out i get to see the birthday girl tomorrow night.

    just in time for the Raiders game.