1. Wednesday, April 10, 2002

    even at the renegade xbi, we have to go through the tedious art of “reviews” 

    nce a year to determine promotions and raises and possible terminations.

    and just like at many of my other places of employment, here they first want the employee to fill out a self-review, something that until this year, i have never had a problem with, but this year i want to rebel.

    why should i give them ammunition to withhold any monies or rewards that i might have coming my way? what could someone do if i either didnt say a thing on my self-review or if i only said very very nice things about myself?

    what would be the glory in being honest?

    the guy who drove his airplane through a couple of powerlines today is going to have to fill out a self-review one day and do you think he’s gonna bring this matter up on his own?


    first question they ask is Q. have you taken any additional training to better yourself in your position?

    A. a hooker taught me how to discharge my weapon with my left hand, in case my right hand becomes injured or blown off.

    Q. what areas do you need improvement in?

    A. i would like to learn Spanish, i would like to be better at Persuasion, and i would like to learn how to cut a man’s eye out with a ball point pen, like Frankie can.

    even though most of us are undercover, sometimes its good to have a reputation that preceeds you and Frankie doesnt need to be undercover any more, all he has to do is call a suspect up and tell him his name and tell him that he will be paying the gentleman a visit unless he does so-and-so and guess what, Frankie doesnt need to learn anything more about Persuasion thanks to his talent with the Bic.

    Q. what would you like to see yourself doing in a year?

    A. using my three-month Eurail pass with a former nba cheerleader.

    Q. what improvements would you like to see at your workplace?

    A. i have never liked companies who make a profit off their employees. cans of soda do not cost sixty cents. i know they got lowered to fifty-five cents, but a company should not be making a profit from snacks and the like of workers who are saving the company time and money by not walking across the street to the market and buying a generic soda for a quarter. i would like to see all snacks reduced to their cost. coffee is free, so should be the dr. pepper. or make it a quarter.

    tell me i’m not easilly pleased.