1. Monday, May 13, 2002

    anna’s in rome 

    she was calling me all weekend leaving messages on my machine, filling it up. she was cocky. she was stoked that the topless penthouse pictures of her weren’t her.

    “pick up the phone,” she’d say, “im going to win that mamma jamma.” which is funny on the web but funnier on your answering machine with her crazy russian accent.

    “bitch is going down!” she declared.

    anna is cool but after about the 5th or 6th message she started getting mad, asking why i had never gotten the cell phone set up that she sent me.

    but now that i know how handy those phones are, i might consider activating the extravagant gift from our favorite tennis player on the tour.

    anyhow, anna was feeling it and she won in straight sets 6-3, 6-3 whomping Spain’s Marta Marrero in her opening match at the Italian Open.

    our girl had plummeted all the way down to #68 in the WTA computer rankings and i had bought her a football jersey in Goleta with the number 69 on the back and her name over the number that i was going to fed ex it to her, and i still might, but now the joke wont be as funny.

    even though she now has the pleasure of facing Venus Williams in the second round, she’s being up-beat about it, but deep down she wants to beat her ass.

    “I have nothing to lose,” anna told reporters, “so I’m just going to go out there, try and play my best game and see how well I can do.”

    just wear that white top, hot chick, and all will be well.

    if not, you’re going to get that football jersey.