1. Sunday, May 26, 2002

    dawn and marc speculated 

    the other week about how much booty i get, but the catch22 of being a single man is if you kiss n tell, nobody’s gonna wanna kiss you any more.

    except for the exhibitionists.

    i do pretty well among that crowd and fortunately for me i live in hollywood where theres more cameras per capita than convertibles.

    this superhot babe from the video king finally accepted my invitation to accompn’y me to the white trash bar in burbank where they serve pabst, play skynyrd, and feature homemade tv dinners served in the aluminum trays that we all love.

    the parking lot action was nice. i hadnt steamed up backseat windows in quite a while and the whole time she kept telling me that “this” doesnt mean that i’ll get any. i kept telling her that what i was getting was plenty.

    of course we ended up at my place.

    eventually it was she, not i, who lost at chicken but there are no losers in these games just withered will power.

    but seriously, those who are interested, im hardly getting any play. most of the things in here are my wildest dreams and even in la la land dreams rarely come true, and if they did why would they to a black man who doesnt look black in a town full of surfers, rockers, and multimillionaires. not only is my hair receeding at a ridiculous rate, but instead of a cell phone and a corvette, i carry a backpack and a bus pass.

    aint no way the ladies would fall for that no matter what you choose to believe as you read the internet.

    maybe one day my luck will change.

    in the meantime i’ll just continue to write these lies and attempt to make your visits here worthwhile.

    to finish the story, the hot chick took care of herself on the couch and instructed me to do the same while i sat compelled on my chair in the computer closet and obeyed, listening to her list off one filthy promise after another while opening and closing her eyes uncontrolably.

    im always amazed at how some women could consider themselves slutty if they had sex on the first date, but somehow bringing themselves to completion on a stranger’s couch while he watches is kosher.

    and as much as i love my television, it’s never shown me that before.

    but it did show me a helluva playoff game this afternoon in boston.

    and once again, im glad that i ignored my astrology that advised that i go outside to find enlightenment, when everything i ever needed today was either on the tv or five feet away from it.

    except for you, miss usa. where were you today? competing in a goofy white bikini contest?

    yeah.

    arent we all.