1. Tuesday, May 14, 2002

    my red phone rang. 

    i nearly shit. no one knows about that line except my boss, so i thought i was getting fired.

    it was him. “tony! the instapundit linked you!!!!”

    i said, “no way.”

    he said, “way! way way way!”

    i said, “for what?”

    he said, “for your stupid weezer thing.”

    i said, “i think this is the first time that ive been linked by him since i auctioned off something ridiculous.”

    my boss said, “why do you think he doesn’t link you?”

    i said, “i think it’s cuz i dont write enough.”

    my boss said, “yeah, and [click]”

    it was my call waiting. i excused myself. who on Earth was calling my hot line?

    “collect call from Rome,” the automated voice said. i dont pay the bills on the phone so i accepted the call, although i was about to pity the fool for not using 1800COLLECT.

    “Tony I VON I VON!”

    i would recognize that voice anywhere. it was anna. my love.

    “of course you won, baby. i always said you would win.”

    it helped that she wasnt facing Venus Williams who had dropped out, but i kept that to myself.

    “oh it was fantastic tony, everything i hit was right. my shots were like lazers, my serves were perfect. oh, i wish you could have seen it.”

    “trust me anna, we all wish we could see it.” i said. “what was the score?”

    “6-1 4-6 6-1” she yelled.

    God it was good to hear those upper registers.

    “Anna you fucking killed her.”

    “I know I know I know!” she said.

    “hey did you hear that that st. louis jeweler said that he thought those pictures were of you because of diamater of your nipples?”


    “oh shit, anna i gotta go, my boss is on the other line.”


    “im so sorry, congratulations, kid, but i gotta go. im sorry, i’ll talk to you tonight.”


    “this is the red phone, baby, you know that.”


    “ok, bye.”

    “hey!” she pouted. “dont you love me?”

    “yes, i love you anna. nice work!”

    “caio, babeee.”