1. Tuesday, June 11, 2002

    insatiable? hardly 

    yes i have my dreams.

    some may be ridiculous, leading the Cubs to a world series victory thanks to my motivational people skills and gutsy baseball strategies.

    but some are totally attainable.

    lately my dreams have been coming to my doorstep and knocking, bashing, pounding, jamming their fingers into the buzzer and not releasing after quite some time.

    some of the dreams are even rude.

    would i like to date fashion models and actresses and bikini clad pop stars?

    no, not really.

    would i like to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley one day in my jersy and cap?

    yes, but i’d wear the pants and shoes too.

    first i’d check the imaginary runner at first.

    lean into the catcher for the signal.

    check that bastard at first again.

    throw from the stretch.

    raise both hands in celebration.

    for the longest time i thought that my life would be incomplete without a girlfriend. in some ways i still think that, but just like 12 hours of sleep each day, that dream has faded away into a better reality that i do not Need as much as i thought i did, that i can be pretty happy As Is.

    of course thats when the buzzer rings again and the Cubs want me to coach one of their instructional leagues but first i have to fill out some paperwork including a two thousand word essay on Why I Want The Job.

    i could do two thousand words in my sleep.

    im doing a few hundred words in my sleep right now.

    but i resist the hoop that i must jump through. its crazy. i dont understand. all i have to do is take a step forward and yet i resist. everything that i think i can do and do well is right there within arms reach and i am hesitating.

    and i couldnt hate matt damon and his buddy more but of course they deserve the gwenyths and the oscars since they obvioisly have no problem with the paperwork.

    and to the form fillers come the riches and the spoils.

    and to me, what do i have?

    a blog.

    and a buzzer.