1. Sunday, June 9, 2002

    ken layne has been my pal 

    since the early 60s and i dont think he’s ever looked better.

    because we’re friends we can agree to disagree (if we were enemies we would have to duel to the death), but the fox news columnist couldnt be more wrong about Iron Mike.

    Mike Tyson brought more to pro boxing than anyone since Ali and yet he is constantly put down for being exactly what we loved him to be: a dirty high pitched short stocky thug.

    you dont bring a teenage beauty queen to the hotel room of a twentysomething thug in the middle of the night and expect him to recite sonnets from memory and sit back in his leather chair of the suite and listen to her, enthralled, as she tells him about every little detail of her sweet little life.

    mike tyson was a professional boxer at the age of eighteen.

    before that he was a purse snatching thug.

    he was lucky to find an old man trainer who knew how to mold that visciousness and salvage it into something that this elegantly refined society would deem acceptable.

    he also had a young man trainer and they all worked together and created Iron Mike, the scariest and youngest heavy weight champion in the world.

    when the old trainer died and the young trainer was fired and when tyson married a golddigging starfucker and her mother, he instantly turned into king kong minus the restraints, lord macbeth minus the cute accent.

    the woods were coming to get him.

    scratch that.

    the king was coming to get him.

    mike tyson was a confused, ignorant, uneducated, lisping bully when we all fell in love with him, and he was all those things when he was surrounded by robin givens, her mother, and don king.

    he was a confused, failing, ignorant bully when he bit the ear off evander holyfield in The most amazing moment in professional boxing.

    who was really surprised when he took a first bite at that thing, stepped back and watched Evander hop around?

    were you surprised that tyson took a bigger bite the next time?

    ripped off part of that ear

    and spit it back at him.

    after a quick chew

    right there on pay per view

    crazy warrior.

    never say die.

    bully.

    thug.

    there he was, now,

    entertaining.

    with an arthur ashe tattoo on one bicep

    chairman mao on his chest

    lord knows why

    but i do know why i love mike tyson.

    because he has never let me down, he has never surprised me, he has never disappointed me.

    one fight the bell rang and most guys sorta dance out to the center of the ring and meet the opponent and then they

    mike fucking ran across and started wailing on the guy before he had barely made it off the stool.

    fearless fucking fighter.

    but rapist?

    desiree washington called tyson up, he sent over a limo, she hopped in, went up to his room, went into his room, and this is mike tyson, not that suave mother tony pierce saying all the right things, this is “ooh, like that asssth baby.”

    hung out with mike, went into the bathroom, removed the panty shield from her

    panties,

    returned to tyson, who applied lube to

    her

    climbed on top of him and had sex with the champ,

    then went back to her hotel

    woke up in the morning and went to the miss black america pageant and participated in the dance routines.

    and then later told the police that tyson had raped her and she was incredibly sore from the violent act.

    of course, don king was nowhere to be found to help him.

    infact, king didnt attend one day at tyson’s trial, but he did hire the champ his tax attorney.

    the all woman jury found tyson guilty of rape and he did three years in the slam.

    so the question is, why would the king want the champ to go down?

    did king want the heavyweight divison to be more competitive?

    did the division become more competitive?

    in the wake of tyson’s false imprisonment, were 46 year old hefty has-beens like george foreman allowed to develop and regain the title?

    knuckleheads like evander and lennox would have been beaten by tyson two or three times before they would have been able to become the headbutters that they became.

    when mike tyson was accused of rape, he was at the top of his game with nothing but fallen challengers behind him and no true peers in the horizon.

    the greatness of this manboy was stolen from him by people who have a history of manipulating men for their money.

    i used to think that hell on earth would be to be stupid and ugly living in america.

    now i think a worse fate would be being stupid and ugly living with don king

    and robin givens.

    im still with you, champ.