1. Wednesday, June 26, 2002

    took the girl who blew me off to minority report 

    and here’s my non-spoiling report.

    “Minority Report” is not as good as people are saying that it is.

    It is very very good during its good parts, but those parts do not keep this zeppelin soaring throughout the entire adventure, which is a STINKING SHAME because it could have been awesome.

    Borrowing a great deal from the Kubrick crime and punishment classic “A Clockwork Orange,” Spielberg has obviously surrounded him with spineless wanks who do not have the courage to say to the fine director that sometimes you have to EDIT the waste. I really liked a lot of this movie, but theres enough fat to trim this 2 hour, 17 minute sci fi thriller into a 90 minute work of art easilly. Super easilly. How easilly? Ever pee before? As easy as that.

    But people in Hollywood are soft and dull and solely interested in their immediate financial gains and a Tom Cruise/Steven Spielberg/Philip K. Dick summer blockbuster is money in the bank, so why tip over the cash cow.

    Because you can make tons more cash, gluttons, giving the people High Quality.

    Nobody’s going to see this movie 3-4 times.

    And another thing. Why no super hot chicks? There’s a character who’s interesting and floating in water most of the film and she’s bald. Do you know how many super hot babes dying to be known for being hot (even while bald) in such a non-sexual role? Tons.

    Maybe when im not so busy will i make a list of actresses who would have been way better than Samantha Morton, who did her job well, but added nothing to what could have been a nice semi-sexual sub-plot to a film that lacks no sexiness. But I’m more than used to that on any post-Risky Business Cruise vehicle.

    Tom wasn’t bad. Hardly annoying. Mostly believable. Almost likeable.

    Was there music in the film? Can’t remember.

    Was there awkward comic relief? Some.

    Would I recommend this to you? Reluctantly, yes.

    I am sick of encouraging geniuses, which Mr. Spielberg is, to continue down this path of sci-fi mediocrity. If you want to be Kubrick, bro, you’ll have to become a tad more of a perfectionist. Get an editor who doesnt care about your past.

    And, jeeze, steve, Kubrick was known for more than his weirdness, his look was so easy to borrow from, the symmetry of the shots, the balance, the colors, the optical illusion of it all. None of that was present here. It never is. People borrow from Kubrick all the time, but they ignore the look, and thats a big fat mistake.

    I give Minority Report a solid “B.”

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