guest blogger: tony’s blog

hi, im tony’s blog. thanks for checking me out.

one of the benefits to BloggerPro, which is used on this site, is that it has folders for Future posts and for Drafts.

unlike Mozart, tony writes down notes, and organizes them and gets everything together before he lays the smack down. but because he’s kind of a ditzy freak, sometimes he forgets what he put in here and then on a whim deletes everything.

like examining the contents of a young boy’s pockets, i thought you all might be interested in seeing what he has stored away in the Drafts folder of this blog.

voici:

emo band name: Courtesy Flush

dear sir,

this blog is not a whorehouse. if it were somebody would be getting paid. the best thing in the world is when you can get hot chicks to write about sex. dont blow it for the rest of us.

short interview with a Bud can:

hi.

whazzzzup.

blog experiment

dont update untill three real comments are left to previous post, or $20 gets paypaled.

songs i cant get out of my head:

“hot in herre” by nelly, “beyond belief” by elvis costello and “holiday” by weezer

Weezer

Weezer (1994)

Holiday

Lets go away for a while,

You and I, to a strange and distant land,

Where they speak no word of truth,

But we don’t understand anyway.

Holiday.

Far away, to stay.

On a Holiday.

Far away. Lets go today, in a heartbeat!

Heartbeat! Heartbeat!

Don’t bother to pack your bags, or your map.

You won’t need them where we’re going.

We’re going where the wind is blowing,

Not knowing where we’re going to stay.

Holiday.

Far away, to stay.

On a Holiday.

Far away. Lets go today, in a heartbeat!

Heartbeat! Heartbeat!

Heartbeat! Heartbeat!

{quietly}

We will write a post card to our friends and family in free verse.

We will write a post card to our friends and family in free verse.

{Background Mumble: In the word with carrol at, jot her in his pilgrim land

and this road will never die…}

We will write a post card to our friends and family in free verse.

Lets go away for a while,

You and I, to a strange and distant land,

Where they speak no word of truth,

But we don’t understand anyway.

Holiday.

Far away, to stay.

On a Holiday.

Far away, to stay.

On a Holi!

{Lets go away/Far away}

{Lets go away/to stay}

{Lets go away/On a holi…}

{Lets go away/Day, far away}

{Lets go away/to stay.}

In a heartbeat!

i dont think she really likes to blog, and should just fess up: rabbit

Dearest Ashley,

Okay, I don’t really care what’s true or a lie. It’s all true in my mind, and that is the only reality that matters.

I am in lust with Jennifer Jason Leigh. So, what is the truth on how I can meet her and seduce her into being my love slave?

She’ll thank you for hooking us up. You’ll thank me for getting you to hook us up.

Tony won’t thank me, but I’m cool with that.

All my love,

wKen

Dear wKen,

You have awesome taste dude. And no I’m not just saying that because I’ve been known to be a JJL lookalike. She just rocks.

Here’s what I did to meet Jennifer. I found out when there was going to be a four-day film tribute to her in Hollywood that she was to be attending. I went. We met. And twice at that. She was awesome.

If I was a lesbian, maybe I would’ve tried to seduce her. But I’m not.

If you do get to meet up with Her Radness, I would suggest not being too aggresive. She’s really shy + that could freak her out. Just play it cool.

Tell her you liked her dog Otis in “The Anniversay Party.” Her dogs are important to her, so that will get you brownie points.

Good luck!

Ashley,

I’ve got a question for you.

As a gal how long does it take you to decide if and when you will sleep with a perspective suitor?

I know there all sorts of factors that play into this,

but i am only looking for abll-park figure here. Minutes after meeting? Hours? after the first kiss? Weeks?

thanks

Nunya,

http://mrknowitall.blogspot.com

Dear Nunya [loved the midget story by the way],

Well, I have found that I am somewhat of a weirdo. My tastes + behaviors don’t seem to fall in synch with those of other girls my age.

But here’s my take on the whole thing. It’s a lot easier for me to start with knowing if I’m even going to kiss this person. That usually is determined immediately after meeting them if they’re cute with a good personality. If they’re not so cute, but have a good personality, give it a couple hours.

As far as doing the deed, I am never 100% sure if it’s going to happen until it actually is. There have been people I’ve decided I would with, + then never ended up going through with it.

So if you’ve got someone you’re persisting [+ hopefully for wKen, it’s not the lovely Jennifer Jason Leigh], get beyond the first kiss + then just see. Make sure the oppurtunity is there b/c if she’s considering sleeping with you, she needs a shot at it. That will increase the possibility of it happening by like 94%.

Good Luck to you too!

Are you really glitter-dipped, or is it radioactive glow from all the nuclear bomb tests of the 1950’s?

Steven A. Adams

Hi Steven!

Well, seeing as I was born in 1982, I have to say that I am just naturally this sparkley + it is not a result of any testing that occured in the 50s. My parents weren’t even alive then actually.

Thanks for asking!

* * * * * * * * *

If you have other pressing questions about me, drew, jjl, tony, no doubt or francesca lia block, feel free to click my picture above and write me.

also, if youre too shy for all of that and you just want to buy me something from my wishlist, i guess that will be okay too, and tony doesnt get jealous at all.

Daisy Kisses,

Ashley*

guest blogger: anna kournikova

tony says he’s back, but he’s not, his wrists are still a little sore. he did a ken griffey and returned too early but its all good in the hood because im your favorite commie tennis star anna k, saving the day, sippin on grape shasta, and my voice sounds sweet cause it hasta.

tony hardly ever lets me speak for myself, which i was used to behind the iron curtain but i thought that things would be different in america, but i guess i was wrong. all the men here try to make me watch my mouth which is why ive dated so few americans.

currently, its true, im dating enrique eglasias. not because i want to, really, i mean, he’s cute and all, but mostly because i want to be tony’s girlfriend but he’s obviously got so many planes in his landing pattern that theres hardly any room for those of us who are circling the airspace and im running low on fuel and enrique, how shall we say, fills me up. sorta.

but tony is my true love. hes the only one i really love. i wear the outfits that i do for him. i pout because he likes it. i wear my hair long because he loves long hair. i tell him i love him but he has such low self esteem it hardly ever gets through to him, so when i do have some time off and i find myself in Hell-A i wear a tshirt that my mom made for me.

its a little belly shirt with a red heart on the front that says, “my name is anna” and on the back theres another red heart that says “and i love tony”.

i made that cuz he likes to twirl me around to let it all soak in.

when i stay with tony at his apartment it’s great because he never wants to go out. i love just lazing around his house flipping through the tv channels ordering thai and chinese and pizza and all the things that i cant really get my hands on in dusseldorf and sydney and mexico city. we kiss. A LOT. hes a great kisser. i read in “Jane” the other month that one way to find out if a guy is a great kisser is to watch him eat. if he’s a messy eater then he’s good in bed. ooops i have them all confused. ok, i don’t know how to tell if a guy’s a good kisser other than to kiss him.

tony’s a really slow eater. guess what that means. ;)

but the best thing i like about going to tony’s house is watching movies with him. he’s got such great taste in movies i cant even believe it. sometimes we’ll just wake up, make love, i’ll cook some breakfast, he’ll check his email and then we’ll just watch one movie after another. he’s bound to fall asleep but i don’t mind telling him what he missed. he’s almost like a heroin addict the way he passes out all the time, but i have my little special way of rousing him from his zzzz’s.

i also like to change clothes while he naps and fix my hair different and not tell him. his memory’s so bad that sometimes he doesn’t even notice.

god i love to mess with that kid’s head.

ok, well, gotta go. im doing pretty good in my tennis. not that you care.

yesterday i beat Wynne Prakusya in the second round of the Bank of the West Classic 7-5, 6-4 in Stanford, California. it’s so beautiful here.

this is the second match in a row that ive won which is pretty good for me cuz i admit, ive pretty much sucked lately.

today is gonna be pretty busy for me, which is why im procrastinating this morning. tonight at 7:30pm i have to go against Venus Williams (ugh) in the singles quarter finals. and then right after i have to go play doubles.

who the hell schedules this shit?

anyhow, love ya. thanks for always thinking of me.

tony, hope you feel better soon.

happy anniversary: kitty bukkake

guest blogger: Dawn Olsen

Truth, Lies and Digitalcams

First there was�.

Dawn: Wow, I..can�t..believe..I..am..talking..to..Warren Zevon!!

WarrenZevon: What was your name again?

Dawn: Dawn. Do you have a blog? I bet it would be so cool if you did.

WarrenZevon: A what? Hey could you, um, give me a little more personal space please.

Dawn: Sure, sorry about that. Wow, I..can�t..believe..I..am..talking..to..Warren Zevon!!

WarrenZevon: What was your name again?

Dawn: Uh, Dawn?

And of course�.

Dawn: Matt�Welch. Wow, I..can�t..believe..I..am..talking..to..Matt Welch!!

Matt: Um, yes you are. How are you doing?

Dawn: Really great. You are just as cute in person.

Matt: Um, thanks? And you too. (looking around feverishly for Emmanuelle)

Dawn: Matt�Welch. Wow, I..can�t..believe..I..am..talking..to..Matt Welch!!

Matt: Hey, it�s great meeting you too. I think I see Doc Searles, talk to you later.

Dawn: Ok, bye Matt.

Sadly�.

Dawn: Tony Pierce. Wow, I..can�t..believe..I..am..standing..next..to..Tony Pierce!!

Tony: Hi Dawn. It�s really nice to meet you.

Dawn: [gawks obnoxiously]

Tony: I really enjoy yours and Eric�s blog.

Dawn: [still gawking]

Tony: Okay, I am going to go and talk to some girls now. Great meeting you.

Dawn: [still gawking] can�t�speak�too�stunned.

Then another�.

Dawn: So you are Nigel Dick. What do you do?

Nigel: Oh, just some video stuff, probably nothing you have heard of.

Dawn: Try me?

Nigel: I don�t really like to talk about work.

Dawn: Come on, please, just a hint. Anything on MTV?

Nigel: Maybe. Oh, looks like the pizza is here. Boy am I hungry. Nice talking to you.

Dawn: Bye Nigel.

Can�t forget�.

Dawn: So Os, do you have a blog too?

Os: Nope, just hosting and technical stuff.

Dawn: Wow.. you host and know technical stuff. YOU ARE SO COOL.

Os: Sure. If you say so.

Dawn: So why don�t you have a blog? I bet it would be SO COOL.

Os: Just not interested.

Dawn: You really need to get a blog, it would be so COOL. I will blog about you and everything.

Os. Um, maybe. I have to use the restroom, nice chatting with you.

Dawn: Oh.My.Gawd. I..Can�t..Believe..I..Talked..To..Os!

As you might expect�.

Madison: So you are Dawn Olsen of Up Yours. I love the name of your site. I have always thought that was a really funny name, you know, if you are having a bad day you can just say �Up Yours.

Dawn: [staring and thinking, �um she is really pretty and I saw Eric staring at her and he was checking out her butt.�]

Madison: [some other witty and funny stuff, being polite and nice]

Dawn: [more internal dialogue, �This girl is really smart, Eric said so. What�s his fucking problem? Always the pretty, blonde, skinny ones. I feel kind of drunk and wobbly. Is that pizza over there?]

Madison: Well it was nice chatting with you. Love that site name.

Dawn: You too, I�ll check yours out. [and keep a freaking eye on you girly]

Somewhere between drunk and loaded�.

Dawn: So who the hell are you [slurring words and touching people a little too much]

Martin: Martin Devon

Dawn: And�.?

Martin: PatioPundit

Dawn: Oh, yeah, I know who you are. You are that Patio guy. I like your blog.

Martin: I like yours too, irreverent humor.

Dawn: [did he just say I was irrelevant or something? Where did I leave that glass of wine]

Martin: Nice to meet you, keep up the good work.

Dawn: [did he just say I was a jerk?]

Lastly�

Eric: So Dawn, are you having a good time? I can�t believe all the great bloggers in one room. This is just so much fun.

Dawn: [sighs heavily] Ken Layne�s not here.

Eric: Yeah, that kind of sucks. Oh well, all these other great people are here.

Dawn: I know it�s great, they are all so nice. But Ken�s not here. I wonder why?

Eric: Maybe he was busy. Don�t worry about it. We�ll meet him some day.

Dawn: I don�t think Ken likes me.

Eric: Probably. [looking around] Hey, um, my drinks empty, talk to you later.

Dawn: Okay bye Eric

Dawn: Wow..I..can�t..believe..I..just..talked..to..Eric Olsen.

thinking: kate sullivan should write every day