sorta sucks but what can i do?
today he said, dude, did you see bro steppin to your girl like you aint even standing there?
english, sonny, speak english to me.
meesh has it on her site, nunya business has it on his site…
meesh isn’t my girl!
she should be.
she lives all the way up in oxnard!
an hour. fuck, for that shit, i’d walk.
no offense sonny, but if you did walk from here to oxnard you’d walk past about 5,000 other hot chicks who wouldn’t have you either.
maybe not me, but she’d have you.
omg, tony, look what is posted on her site right now. it’s you spewing the most unbelievable stupid shit and her eating it up. its nearly disgusting.
not as disgusting as moxie and jim treacher.
don’t change the subject.
this is a stupid subject.
what on earth has invaded my best friend tony pierce?
because whatever is in the skin of my buddy just said that talking about hot chicks is a stupid subject.
go get some beers or something, order a pizza.
don’t you like asian chicks any more?
don’t you like tall girls with long hair any more?
say one more thing, sonny and im going to smack you.
got something against marketing directors at a computer company?
come here so i can smack you.
and shes a libra! your gay ass air sign requirement is filled.
stand still, im going to throw this shot glass at your eye.
some guy is going to pop in simply red and swoop on the hottest chick you ever met and you’re not going to do shit. i cant believe this.
shes in the top three. i never said number one.
you used to be my hero, tony pierce.
i wish you had told me back then, i woulda kicked your ass.
if its the turtleneck thing. i will buy you a fucking turtleneck if that’s what’s holding you back.
great, now all i need is a mercedes sedan.
moxie will loan you her porsche.
no. but maybe people will start flowing you bucks for your snoop de ville.
that say im no good and i shouldn’t be trusted.
i love it because then i know that im not the dumbest person alive. they are.
how on earth are you going to give advice on a relationship about two people you’ve never even met?
and why would you?
what if me and ashley would have ended up being super close friends for the rest of our lives, but both decided not to because some loser housewife in the woods somewhere didnt “get” who im all about and told ashley to “be careful” and she took that as to “not trust” and the entire relationship stumbles and falls?
ive been hanging out with me for 108 years, lady, and i don’t get me either, but i do know the numbers and the numbers say that if you are in a romantic relationship with me for even six months you have a 95% chance of being my very good friend for ever.
theres a lot that i “don’t get” in life.
i don’t get why half of these girls like me, but they do. i don’t get why theres nobody like me, but there isn’t. i don’t get why people write and write and nothing good ever comes out of them, i don’t get why pot’s not legal, i don’t get why drinking is, i don’t get why kroq finds it necessary to shove good music so far up our ass that its not good anymore.
on paper, a guy with a loser job, no money, no car, no future, and no aspirations other than running a major league baseball team should be getting absolutely no play from the ladies.
and on paper, ma’am, im sure that your laundry list is even worse.
which is why, thankfully, life isnt played out theoretically in the mind of the creator, it’s improvised on this great stage. where even an old loser like me and and older loser like you can actually have interesting people hop on top of us and wake the neighbors.
so step off.
i don’t understand a lot, lady, but i don’t go to the person who’s squeezing your ass and whisper in his ear, “be careful with that one,” because it would be worthless. that guy knows whose ass he’s squeezing, and ashley of all people on this planet right now, knows about as much about modern day tony pierce dot com than anyone and she may come across as fairy princess with her blonde locks in the clouds but thats just her little game. nobody’s putting anything over our daisy princess, especially me, the one who has tried to kick her out of this relationship a zillion times.
do i date girls? yes.
am i honest about everything i do?
am i honest about everything i do when i talk to ashley?
i can look you in the eye and have you ask me any question there is. you can smell my fingers or dna my bedsheets. i trust you, whoever you are, that you have ten times the skeletons in your closet than i ever will have because the only closets i have hold my computer or my clothes and i expose myself in both of them because secrets are for cowards whose motto is “be careful in love.”
the only thing ashley needs to be careful about is limiting her possibilities. if she wants to come up to hollywood and catch a movie and hold hands and goof off and see the stars, i am totally up for that. if she is doing it to avoid the scary world of dating pimply faced co-eds of UC Irvine who think Korn is the next Zeppelin, then i cant blame her.
but at some point she is going to stop showering me with her glittery attention and that day will come soon enough, concerned one(s), and it will be me who is the loser in that transaction.
and then, hopefully, everything, will once again make perfect sense
to all of us.
now fuck off and don’t ever waste another thought about what ashley and i should be doing. odds are you have your own miserably pathetic household to ruin.
check out: ashley’s auctions
just like his tshirt says.
the inventor of the modern hootennany, one of the top three lead guitarists in all of los angeles, and a distinguished gentleman, greg directed me in my film debut, convinced me to join him in my first real band, and takes better pictures of me than anyone.
anyone other than ashley.
just look at how he shows off in his latest portrait by giving a tip o’ the hat to one of my favorite artists by including a mirror in the upper left perfectly framed so that it shows a different perspective.
subtlety, my friends, is the calling card of genius.
everything that ive been able to do well on this blog ive stolen from greg. all the people who think im the man cuz i interview myself? greg was the first one to do it flawlessly. plus he’s way better at fake names.
while he patiently expects his first born, he has sealed a deal to show his latest collection of paintings here in Los Angeles.
August 31 is the opening reception and you can expect a great turn out of local musicians, artists, and beautiful people of all kinds.
i cant hardly wait.
20: ashley is 20 and gives 20 reasons why she lusts me.
xxsosaxx: how was your dinner?
meesh: mmmm, so good, Hot and Sour soup
xxsosaxx: make it yourself?
meesh: it’s pretty easy
meesh: what did you have?
xxsosaxx: i make chicken breasts, baked potato and peas
meesh: so all american!
xxsosaxx: if i knew how to cook anything else i would
meesh: I’d love to cook for ya sometime
xxsosaxx: whats your specialty?
meesh: some guy from the personals is trying to chat me up right now
meesh: I have my own specialty I guess, it’s fusion
meesh: Asian Spanish Middle Eastern
meesh: alot of fresh herbs and vegetables
xxsosaxx: whats the best way for a guy from the personals to chat you up?
meesh: have a freaking profile
meesh: I’m like, :Do you talk to strangers on the street
meesh: with bags on their heads?
meesh: me, neither
xxsosaxx: good point
meesh: do you?
xxsosaxx: i think guys just feel like theres not much special about them that you could put on a profile
meesh: chat up girls in the personals
xxsosaxx: no, i havent had the pleasure of doing that yet
meesh: there is someone for everyone
meesh: noone is as cool as they think
meesh: or as they are on paper
meesh: except you maybe
xxsosaxx: flattery will get you everywhere
meesh: so it seems
xxsosaxx: i went on a date with the biggest tallest girl in hs cuz she called me cutie all the time
meesh: oooh, call me Sweetheart, and I melt
meesh: it is weird!
meesh: or , baby
xxsosaxx: baby is doable
xxsosaxx: sweetheart would seem too much like humphry bogart
meesh: yeah, well there was this one guy, who said it
meesh: the first guy to ever say it
xxsosaxx: did he say it slowly and ironically or smoothly?
meesh: usually with the puppy dog eyes
meesh: and an I’m Sorry
xxsosaxx: how tall are you meesh?
meesh: 5′ 10″ I think
meesh: last time I checked
meesh: hopefully I am not shrinking
meesh: taller in the winter
xxsosaxx: the same
xxsosaxx: im telling you, we are strange mirror images
xxsosaxx: except my side is cracked
meesh: your side?
meesh: I am kind of milk chocolately
xxsosaxx: youre the gorgeous graceful wonderful side
meesh: I am a Libra, I am always both sides
meesh: you should know that
meesh: it is a constant struggle
xxsosaxx: what sides are you struggling between recently?
meesh: I try realllly HARD
meesh: i GUESS i WOULDN’T SAY STRUGGLE, i LIKE EXPERIENCING THE EXTREMES IN FEELINGS
meesh: oops caps
meesh: It makes you feel more alive
meesh: from great sadness comes great joy
meesh: I am glad to just be feeling at all
xxsosaxx: cut off your feelings, did you?
meesh: do I?
meesh: do you?
xxsosaxx: you say that youre glad to be feeling
meesh: are we in therapy?
meesh: I would say
xxsosaxx: im not in therapy but tons of people i know are
meesh: no I mean you and I now?
meesh: we are our own support group!
xxsosaxx: oh, ok then
xxsosaxx: but libras are bad at being shoulders to cry on
meesh: No, ok, I will say that I prefer to be in charge of how I feel, and act, and what I do, and that is not always possible in a relationship, inevidibly, you have to give up control
meesh: you think?
xxsosaxx: i wrote a poem where i said, the only way to fall in love is to fall
meesh: So many times, I was not in control of what was happening to me,
meesh: you know, it is good to feel stable
meesh: relationships are turmoil
meesh: hopefully not everyones
xxsosaxx: have you ever been in a smooth one?
meesh: yeah, a little over a year ago
meesh: it was surprisingly smooth
meesh: that is why it was sooo fucking hard when it just evaporated in front of me!
meesh: nothing is certain
meesh: is it?
meesh: speaking of..
meesh: want an Amstel
meesh: mmm, Smallville is on
meesh: notice how I am always like mmmmmmmmm…?
meesh: I am a sigher
xxsosaxx: thats nice
xxsosaxx: its sweet
meesh: when I eat, too man
meesh: my ex could not stand it
meesh: he is crazy though
chat with someone: and email it to me
Of all the celebrities and groups pushing an environmental agenda, there has been one group totally left out of the debate: the Druids.
True, they were stupid enough to build Stonehenge to tell time when all they had to do was send someone to Switzerland to buy a watch, but I think it�s unfair to hold this against them. They have been charged by Mother Earth, who is one bad mother shut-your-mouth, with defense of the Earth. I decided to ask a Druid priestess about environmental issues. However, all I could get was a Druid priestess in training.
woohaa2k1: Hey, can I ask a couple of questions
druidess_in_training: ummmm…i guess
woohaa2k1: good. My name is Steven Adams; I’m a columnist
woohaa2k1: lol, hi
woohaa2k1: so before I start, what are you: a witch or Druid?
woohaa2k1: ok, I gathered so from the name, but people use the name superstud18 when they are fat and 40, so I have to be careful
woohaa2k1: How long have you been involved with being a Druidess?
druidess_in_training: 11 years
woohaa2k1: awesome, so why did you go down this route?
druidess_in_training: because it made sense to me…wicca didn’t make much sense
woohaa2k1: Yeah, those Wiccans are a little nuts.
druidess_in_training: a little nuts?!
woohaa2k1: so what do you do for a living?
druidess_in_training: i’m a home mom….basically the goddess of the abode
woohaa2k1: well, I think we all like goddesses
woohaa2k1: so what do you have to do or read to be a Druid?
druidess_in_training: study study study…meditate meditate meditate….work work work…and then study some more..lol
druidess_in_training: not the easiest path I assure you
woohaa2k1: so what is the result, what does being a druid mean? What does one do as a Druid?
druidess_in_training: druids protect and study Mother Earth…we are seen as the guardians, the song singers, the keepers of tales, the bookkeepers, among other things
woohaa2k1: so you probably do a lot of environmental activism
druidess_in_training: i would if i had the money…lol
druidess_in_training: i did chain myself to the tree outside my door when the city tried to come and hack it down though
woohaa2k1: amen, log all you want out in the forest but leave me oak alone.
druidess_in_training: well..the tree in front of my apt. isn’t an oak…but it’s still pretty and it likes me
woohaa2k1: well, mine is oak and I will sic Capt. Planet and the Planeteers on anyone who tries to take it
druidess_in_training: don’t blame you
woohaa2k1: so�you for the Kyoto Protocol?
druidess_in_training: Kyoto protocol? sorry..don’t watch TV much. What is this kyoto protocol thingy?
woohaa2k1: Ohh, it’s a U.N. resolution limiting green house emissions. It limits the United States while the third world countries continue to pollute.
druidess_in_training: hmmmm..that doesn’t make sense…if one nation should be forbidden to pollute everyone should
druidess_in_training: course i don’t like the pollution anyways
woohaa2k1: well, the theory is the U.S. is the biggest polluter
woohaa2k1: which isn’t true, but still
druidess_in_training: so….if the us stops polluting…then everyone else will be the biggest polluters…so they all should stop
woohaa2k1: well, the U.S. is the cleanest country
woohaa2k1: we are careful with our pollution
druidess_in_training: true…but in my opinion there shouldn’t be any pollution
woohaa2k1: well, there is no way around it. Besides, volcanoes pollute more than any factory can
druidess_in_training: this is also true…but that is Mother’s work…she would only do that if it needed to be done
druidess_in_training: to create a change
woohaa2k1: very true, but I believe our mother knows how to take care of herself
woohaa2k1: like the hole in the o-zone
woohaa2k1: the hole isn’t there
druidess_in_training: this is also true…she heals herself…when we let her
woohaa2k1: I think she heals herself no matter what
druidess_in_training: yes…but she would heal herself faster if we just let her do her work…of course that is why people like me are around…lol
woohaa2k1: very true
woohaa2k1: good luck, may mother Earth bless your garden.
druidess_in_training: awwwww ty so much
woohaa2k1: thanks for your time
druidess_in_training: anytime dear
I am Steven Adams saying the power is yours.
loving: dawn interviewing maddie