1. Tuesday, July 23, 2002

    guest blogger: Sonny I. LaVista 

    coulter drops me off after bowling with os and the gang and drinking modelo from cans at the auto bar. i have the best friends in the world.

    walk to my flat and who do i see sitting nicely on my porch with an open can of tuna feeding Losty? rosalita.

    unlock the door and she follows me in. the cat wants to follow us both but keeps working on the tuna. perfect. i shut the door and turn on the lights.

    rosalita has a new game that she likes to play with me. its called, “is this cheating?” perhaps tony has told you about her, shes a beautiful girl. all the girls in LA are beautiful, but rosalita and i have this sort of magnetism that is indescribable.

    i guess its describable. we want to rip each others clothes off every time we’re around each other.

    not only do we want to rip each other’s clothes off, but i want to rip off my own clothes.

    she and i both have significant others. hers is semi-famous, mine is a stewardess. neither are around much. so sometimes its nice to be tempted as all hell.

    so rosalita looks around my place. she hasn’t been there in a while. she has those low rider jeans on. shes a puerto rican from nyc and knows how to work it. i love it. but what i love the most is shes an exhibitionist and loves to hear me talk dirty.

    me, i love talking dirty and i love that it seems like no matter what i say to her she smiles. she loves to be looked at. she loves to be sensual. i know her boyfriend, i like him. the last thing i want to do is do him wrong. but damn, dude, your chick is on fire.

    i ask her if its cheating if i hold her hand. she says yes. i say is it cheating if i check her out, she says, check me out all you want, and proceeds to spin around a little and clack her heels around my hardwood pretending to be interested in the books way up on the top shelf.

    i ask her if its cheating if i get real close behind her like this. she doesn’t say anything. i see her close her eyes and smile. i smell her neck. soap. i say can i drag my fingernails down your back? she says mmmmmm. i say is it cheating? she says, mmmmmmmm.

    i have to get out of my clothes and into my jammies. its late. ive been drinking. she says no. no undressing. i say, can i take a little toke off my bong? she says no, i want you right here with me.

    im dying people. this girls lowriders are killing me. her bellybutton keeps eyeing me. she and i have never done it before but weve done the dirtiest things youve ever seen two people do and not touch. im suprised tony hasn’t told you, fucker cant keep a secret to save his life.

    she sees some extra strength tylenol on my floor that i dropped. she says, do you keep these things on the floor so that the girls have to pick them up?

    i say, no, they’re there cuz im a slob.

    she says, let me ask you again, do you keep these things on the floor so that…

    and she bends at the hip keeping the legs straight, keeps the feet planted, knees locked and just lowers her back making the ass the pivot point and nabs the tylenol and raises back up stripperlike. rosalita claims to have never stripped, but that move brings up serious doubts.

    we retreat to the attic where i have my computer. i want to see if tony ran my guest blogger column. he didn’t. ass. not even a “thank you. try this instead.” just nothing.

    rosalita goes to tony’s links page and clicks some of the links and starts reading kitty bukkake. she says she loves bukkake. i say pardon me, she says, “omg, shes so funny.”

    i say, oh i thought you meant you like the act.

    she says, what act.

    i say, the porn genre, bukkake.

    she says whats that?

    i say it’s porn. she says, show me.

    lucky for her i have lots of porn on my computer. we go through a bunch that says its bukkake but its not. this is where i made my big mistake. somehow looking at this smut with her doesn’t turn me on, its just fun to watch it with a super hot babe. but her, it turns her on like crazy.

    we never even get to the real bukkake and she heads to the ladder to climb down back to the first floor and i say, where are you going? she says, if i watch any more, then i will cheat.

    and i hear her clomp through the house, open the door, and shut it.

    i check my messages, hottest chick i know called apparently right as i was leaving to bowl. damnit.

    and once again, im alone, drunk, horny, sitting in front of a computer full of smut.

    stoked: that a.beam is back