1. Wednesday, July 24, 2002

    guest blogger: tony pierce 

    hi everyone. im back. my thanks to all the guest bloggers. finally went to the doctor yesterday about my carpal tunnel.

    mr. pierce.

    mr. doctor.

    what seems to be the problem?

    i think i have carpal tunnel.

    where does it hurt?

    my fingers are tingly, my arms are numb. like they’re asleep. the bones feel like they have arthritis. i want to crack my knuckles. electric zaps go through my arms like in Tron.

    does it hurt when you do this?

    yes, but i don’t do that.

    when did these pains start?

    about 2-3 weeks ago.

    did you experience a lot of stress 2-3 weeks ago?

    some.

    is that when you changed the masthead of your blog to those scary crows from that van gogh painting?

    you read my blog?

    you’re the best blog around.

    wow.

    tony, the body and the mind are linked. the one influences the other. what you have is not carpal tunnel it’s what i like to call “tired hands” you write and type but you’re not saying anything. you’re a writer and a good one, so your anxiety will either manifest through writer’s block or “tired hands.”

    but i don’t have writer’s block.

    that’s why you have tired hands.

    so do i need a few days off? maybe hit the beach?

    no. you need to look at what areas of your life are causing you stress and you need to get rid of it. let me take your blood pressure.

    but i don’t really have much stress.

    sure you do, get rid of it. your blood pressure though is amazing. you may be the most mellow person ive ever met.

    i told you.

    do you take alcohol?

    a have some rum when i write.

    drugs?

    never.

    keep drinking, and you might want to take a toke of the wacky tobaccy once a day before dinner.

    can you prescribe that?

    no, that proposition got over turned.

    why do we even vote any more if they’re just going to overturn what we vote?

    no more stress, tony. practice.

    ok. sorry.

    you might even start doing some yoga.

    yoga’s for girls.

    women live longer than men.

    no, they are old for longer. if a man dies at 75 and a woman dies at 85, those 10 years are not the ones i will be envious of. 10 years of pissing in a diaper? no thanks.

    still, yoga will help you.

    why are you squeezing my boobs?

    men get breast cancer, im checking. relax.

    well you’re the most interesting hand doctor ive ever met.

    and im serious, i want you to relax. quit chasing the girls so much. find sweet ones who wont fight with you, who’ll be nice. think about air sign girls.

    when can i write again?

    does writing stress you out?

    no, i laugh like crazy when i write. it’s insane. i also sweat.

    i want you to write as soon as you get home. write all the time. but don’t just sit there at the computer. write and laugh. laughter’s the best medicine. write about anna more often. then get up and walk around. you may even want to walk outside.

    so smoke pot, drink, do yoga, and write.

    do you watch porn?

    not really.

    watch porn three times a week. make yourself happy. work at it.

    this is crazy, i must be losing my mind.

    no, you’re losing your anxiety. life is meant to be a happy waltz. not a slam dance. when was the last time you had great sex?

    not long ago.

    what made it great?

    it was wild, perfect, it lasted a long time. we were on the same page. it was wonderful.

    was it loving?

    not really.

    make love next time.

    yikes.

    don’t be afraid to. be willing to. you’re a double libra on the scorpio cusp. you’re full of love. love. you’re a terrible fighter.

    love?

    love.

    wow.

    now put on this wrist brace so you wont forget our talk.

    loving: that welch is back