major league leader in hits, runs, and rock.
speaker of the beautiful truths, and even prettier lies.
rookie of the year last year
comeback player of the year.
dont call it a comeback
well, ive been here for years
don’t i know it, birthday brother
october twenty second
five foot ten
hundred and sixty pounds
i didnt vote for you this year.
thats okay, 2,516,016 other people did.
still keeping your bats in a humidor?
still watching all that porn?
belle and sebastian?
sea and the cake.
how did you get the newest tsar!?
ichiro, you sly dog.
tony, you slick rick.
how’ve you been?
never been better.
still got all those newspaper reporters after you?
phone still ringing like mad?
whats your secret shame, suzuki?
i bat left handed just to show off.
i write left handed so i can drink with my right.
christinas so much hotter.
i met her at a club once.
i coulda met her at a club, but i was with a hotter chick.
you lie so bad.
you lie so bad too.
i dont lie.
you told everyone you dont speak english.
other than that.
when are you gonna hit .400?
when im thirty.
and when im forty.
adios all star of all stars
sayonara, slacker of slackers