1. Monday, July 1, 2002

    pete townshend rang me up, 

    but he knows that i only accept calls from hot young babes, so he left a message. he’s in town to play the Bowl tonight.

    it was a long message, so i called him back. im terribly impatient, since the operation.

    tony, do you think we’re doing the right thing? you know, oing on with the tour a mere four days after our comrade of 30 years john entwistle’s sudden passing?

    no, i think it’s really bad form.

    no.

    yes, and counting crows as your opening act? what, was dave matthews busy?

    counting crows is good!

    counting crows is good the way flaming diahreah is good after too much texas chili. you really are deaf, aren’t you, pete?

    changing the subject, what’s up with ken and matt calling it quits?

    i dont know, i think this is a good time to AOL interview them and find out.

    i thought you were mates, don’t you know?

    turn up the volume of your phone, old man. i said i didnt fucking know! they’re probably just a little burnt out.

    it is the summer time. and they might either be inking a deal with Dick Riordan to run his new paper, or they’re pooped after getting teased by him. either way, they deserve a vacation, they both have hot wives, and whats better than hanging out with your wife in the backyard in your bathing suits?

    i see that your links are up to 84 now, of those who havent linked you yet, who would you like to be linked to?

    Good question! Definately Little Green Footballs. ive met charles on a few occassions and he is a swell guy. not at all what i expected.

    what did you expect?

    i dont know, but he’s just a super cool, mellow, long haired musician who just seems to know way too much about computers and music.

    what about Andrew Sullivan or Postrel or Stryker or any of them?

    well, it would be nice, but i really dont read much of them so it would be hypocritical.

    but you link to them.

    yeah, but thats a courtesy to people who might not like what i have to write about and who are looking for your big names in Blogging.

    aren’t you a big name in Blogging?

    no, not even.

    don’t be like that, you know you are.

    im not being like that. im a freak. i write about myself and interview celebrities in my head. why on earth would that appeal to andrew sullivan?

    so those goth girls, that one sister really got pissed at you.

    yeah, well, who can blame her, she caught my site on a bad day.

    how so?

    well, on the main page was a picture of lil kim next to a poem about a kid asking the town slut if he could finger her.

    so?

    so, then theres all these pictures of half naked women, and in the post the day before i wrote about the real goth twins is an entry about “fake” twins who have sex with me with a third girl.

    why did you put fake in quotes?

    because my life is way better than i let on.

    so that entry is true, then?

    no, pete, nothing in here is true.

    but your life is better— your sex life is better than you let on?

    way better. and not just that part of my life.

    then why wouldnt you want to write about it?

    because then that little girl’s head would have really exploded. if she cant even grasp the idea that Maxim might not be as bad as all her trendy-lez-friends convince her that it is, how is she going to be ok with a single man pushing the boundaries, with the help of totally together, totally independent young women pushing their boundaries?

    what is it about you that allows you to have such an interesting life?

    hmmm, hell if i know. maybe it helps that im single, im alive, and i live in LA.

    thats all it takes?

    pretty much.

    so you say all the right things to the ladies, is that it?

    i say some good things, but i say a ton of the wrong things too.

    how do you get away with it then?

    i keep smiling pete, just like youre about to do, except you smile all the way to the bank.

    piss off.

    same to you.

    84. Get Your Drawers On