1. Tuesday, August 6, 2002


    scoffed at my $20 call-out and upped the ante to $30 like it ain’t no thing.

    do you have any idea how great that makes me feel? first JC gives a buck every day for two weeks. then kevin does it for a week. then max power flows with a buck, which i never got to say thanks for. thanks, bro, sorry about your fantasy team. then wKen with the andrew jackson, and now WU with the thirty spot.

    and i didn’t even have to get naked.


    but it did accidently turn on The Incredible Post-Modern Great Idea Machine:

    for the billionaires behind “Girls Gone Wild” a new series documenting the phenomenon previously ascribed to the rave culture, incorrectly, but should be filmed and titled “Southern California Ecstasy Parties 101”.

    thank you.

    perfume companies should sponsor strippers.

    thank you very much.

    women like little white things little pink things and little cute things, when it comes to electronics. trust me, i know.

    electronics companies should make see-through televisions and dvd players similar to the iMac with plastic casings that come in clear, powder pink and baby blue. laugh all you want, if tv’s were prettier when they were turned off, women wouldn’t feel the urge to hide them into whopping huge armoires.

    thank you.

    the golden arches motel in zurich has the right idea with self-serve reservations check-in. as someone who used to be on the road a lot, there is no reason for there to be a human being employed to have me fill out a form, run my credit card and hand me a key. you could do that in a vending machine.

    and why does this mcdonald’s style motel make it hard to get a happy meal?

    guests at the motel are forced to get our of bed and walk across the parking lot to get their big macs, which pretty much ruins the novelty of being at a mcmotel, no? all-mcdonald’s room service is an indulgence whose time has come.

    get it together, switzerland.

    and finally, Directv, who i love, needs to think about the Couch Potato Club, where for $150/month you get everything that your tv can handle. All you can eat. and im not *just* talking pay-per-view movies, im talking local channels and feeds from all over the country, mtv east coast and west coast, and the jewel of them all “blacked-out” sporting events.

    the Directv lawyers will think of a million reasons why this couldn’t possibly work, but you know, that’s the problem with society today: we create this cool thing called tv, improve it with satellite, distribute it all around the world, and then make it illegal so that a tv freak like me cannot see the local news out of Iowa because of bullshit fcc regulations.

    regardless, Directv needs to learn how to cater to tv junkies like me who would pay for more more more if the price was right. we live in a super-sized culture where americans look at ford explorers as not big enough so they buy expeditions and chevy tahoes. if we like something we want more. give us more, fuckheads.

    what i want is local news and programming from all around this glorious country of ours, and i want to stop getting my sporting events blacked out. its ridiculous. no matter what you do im not going to anaheim to see the angels play the yankees. i paid $150 for the baseball package, show me the friggin baseball games now.

    anna kornikova, my girlfriend was playing just south of irvine saturday at 1pm. tickets were only $40. i was up at 9am contemplating seeing it in person. seeing her in person. i found out it was going to be on tv so i decided to stay at home and enjoy it in my pajama bottoms. but guess what, i woulda stayed in my pajamas on saturday anyway, fcc and fox sports.


    because thats what you should do in america in southern california in the summertime, getting up only to open the french door windows a tad to let the breeze in and refill my glass of orange juice.

    its why our forefathers faught all those wars.

    so accept my hard earned money, and give me my Iowa tv.

    Blogger Pro, which I recently bought, happily, cost me $35. the first person who flows me $35 will get a link to their web site next to the Blogger Pro button for a year.

    tell me that isnt a great deal.