1. Monday, September 16, 2002

    ashley says i dont look 108 

    i say that will earn you another night’s stay at the casa del vista.

    the daisy princess brought both the bears and the raiders good luck this weekend and i told her that her reward would be a milk shake at johnny rockets on melrose and a sweet blog entry all about her.

    ashley is a superhero of her own. all the cool kids love her. as you might know, we have a pretty special relationship. i let her date other dudes and i only get sorta jealous, she lets me date and when she gets in my house she goes straight to the caller ID and says “who’s this? who’s this! OMG get enough calls from this girl?” i think it’s funny.

    on saturday me and jeanine went down to the historic jewelry district of downtown LA and we picked up some jewels to make my mom a necklace for her 60th birthday, which is coming up. as a beverly hills jeweler, jeanine travels downtown once a week and knows her way through the maze of bizarre bazaars. everyone has codes on their merchandise. when we found something and asked the lady how much, she looked at the three letter code and came up with a number. it was fascinating.

    i think we got a pretty decent deal, and great quality and then jeanine made it that night. and on the side she made ashley a necklace which we surprised her with on sunday afternoon. unfortunately my camera is still in the shop, but i will be happy to post a picture or two later this week when ashley uploads pics from her cam.

    sunday morning we had breakfast and watched the bears eek out a win over the falcons. then we picked up her necklace and zoomed over to drew barrymore’s favorite burrito place and made it back to my house to watch the new anna nicole episode (have i mentioned that i think her lawyer, howard k. stern is a massive dweeb? almost ruins the whole show.) and then we watched the incredible Sopranos season premiere. then we watched the chris rock “bigger and blacker” show from ’99 which ashley had never seen somehow and she loved.

    we adjourned to the boudoir as we both had to wake up early this morn. ashley is a perfect angel at dawn. such a natural beauty. she chirps good morning. she sings little melodies. she clears the tables of wine bottles and taco shells before i can even get out of the shower. its sorta like dreaming. she pulls a brush through her hair and the glitter is activated. we drove to my office this morning and first i wanted to fill her tank with some gas and i swear to you, this hooker is in the mini market at the gas station, and she says, “honey, would you mind driving me down just a few blocks?” and i said that i wouldn’t mind, but the girl who checks my caller ID might.

    she laughed. the armenian behind the cash register laughed. the two mexican girls purchasing frappuchinos in their plaid skirts laughed.

    then the armenian said that my pay pal credit card was denied. then everyone laughed again. except for the hooker.

    and me.

    the armenian said, “for you, tony pierce, i give you $12 gas on the house because you make me laugh so much.” the girls gave me one of their frappuchinos and the hooker showed me her g string.

    aren’t you happy nothing in here is true?