1. Friday, September 20, 2002

    hi, my name is Lefty Tony. 

    they call me Lefty Tony because my family left me when i was a child. the entire truth is that the doctors the nurses, everyone, not just my family left me when i was born. the doctor pulled me out, horrified behind his mask, showed me to a nurse who fainted, showed me to another nurse who peed herself and showed me to my parents who cried. and then ditched me.

    burgalars who robbed the abandonded hospital found me and adopted me into a life of crime. eventually i went to jail, and after my ten year rehabilitation i was recruited into the xbi by someone very dear to your hearts.

    as he prepares to depart, on his much deserved vacation, he has entrusted me with his blog today, and the keys to his bachelor pad, flying car, and home computer.

    in return, i will housesit for him, occasionally update his blog with classic posts from the past, and attempt to entertain you with, in some cases, new pictures and tighter editing.

    speaking of pictures, today’s posts will include photos of my little brother freddy, who got himself nationwide press with our cousin manny as they beat the shit out of kansas city royal first base coach Tom Gamboa last night in the ninth inning at comisky.

    south side!

    i love that kid, i swear. even though he’s my brother he calls me uncle lefty because he doesnt want to believe that hes related to me. knucklehead.

    strangers think that i’m called Lefty due to my prostetic arm.

    i must admit, i would probably think that too.

    but i love my half arm. it’s what makes me different. in many ways it’s my personality. and if it wasnt for a great idea by tony, and his insight, i would have never thought that i stood a chance to get in the xbi.

    but when he asked me if i was willing to put a gigantic screw at the end of my elbow, and attach deadly weapons or useful tools to the end of it, i saw what he saw, unlimited potential.

    so needless to say, i’d do anything for him.

    remind me to tell you about the time he made this two foot vibrator, screwed it on me, took me to a strip club.

    the ladies were speechless.

    today’s entries are in honor of my little brother freddy and our cousin manny.

    you two did good.