1. Tuesday, September 3, 2002

    hi, tony here 

    im still on the super cali fragile istic sexy under cover like a mofo but i had to slip into this korean internet cafe to tell you a little about whats going through my mind right now.

    there was a girl who i liked in highschool who was so cool. she had red hair and freckles and a big smile and was point guard for the girls basketball team and played volleyball and soccer and i really had a massive crush on her and i know that if i had gone for it my entire life would have changed maybe for the better.

    i bring this up because one of the girls whose lives we are trying to save reminds me a lot of her.

    now my girl was loved by the geeks, dweebs, losers, preps, jocks, sleezeballs, and burnouts alike because she had girlnextdoor looks – not too crazy, but everything in the right place – and emily post manners. she was sweet to everyone even me who loved to go one-on-one with her before practice in the good gym.

    both point guards i would talk so much trash as she dribbled on me.

    “red headed stepchild, girl at that, not even a woman. know why theres no pro women’s basketball teams? cuz even little boys could beat their … whoa.”

    and she would drive right past me, lay up the ball, catch it when it got through the net, do three push ups and hand me the ball.

    kicked my ass royally each and every time.

    made me fall in love.

    our senior year it looked like she had a pretty good chance to make it to the homecoming court. now i was a pretty popular guy myself so i figured that i probably could have gotten said yes to by her, but i never asked her, and just this afternoon i realized why i didn’t go for it.

    she was too popular!

    everyone loved her and everyone fell in love with her and i just didn’t want to be another guy who would wander the halls with her on my thoughts. even back then i was all uptight about being original or different or whatever it was that i didn’t really allow myself to just like the girl who i really liked.

    the kids in school woulda called me retarded had they known.

    so whats the lesson?

    aint no lesson.

    we all make mistakes, we all go through life alone, if i had asked her and fallen in love for all i know i woulda married her and stayed in hangover park, illinois across the street from my mom and my sister and i wouldn’t be chasing the bad guys down wilshire blvd on a hot afternoon in los angeles, like im about to.

    nor would i be writing to you.

    my favorite thing to do.

    ok, i just had some of the best pound cake and even though i dont have to go, i should go, cuz if we end up sitting in that car for longer than i expect and i hafta poop my partner is gonna say, “i thought you took care of that on your break.”

    and i’ll have to explain that i was busy reminiscing about the homecoming girl who got away.


    p.s. tell me who’s gonna win this american idol thing, justin or kelly, thanks!