still, i feel like i havent thanked the academy enough. so ignore this post if you think that i have.
my exgirlfriend chris called me last night and asked what i was going to do for my birthday.
a bunch of my friends were at a french place watching the angels game. i was tempted to go there because i have the best friends in the world. another group of friends were over celebrating simone’s birthday at palms thai, famous for its thai elvis who sings while you eat the best thai food in hollywood.
anna was in town and wanted to take me to a strip club of my choice, which is the conveniently located Cheetah’s very close to my home. and there were several other offers and quite a few knocks at my door of a variety of Strip-Oh-Grams, which we wont get into at this point because im still not exactly sure what went on there.
so chris was on the phone and it occured to both of us that i hadnt eaten. she lives by the beach, i live in hollywood. we wouldnt be able to have dinner together because ashley was two miles away stalking drew barrymore and would be home in no time, so chris did something very sweet, she ordered thai for me and paid for it with her credit card. one two three awwwwww.
i had a semi spicy tom kha kai soup, curry shrimp, white rice and won tons. deeee-lish. thank you toi on vine. and thank you chris.
ashley had arrived earlier in the afternoon to suprise me. she had a cute little helium balloon tied to a wrapped gift. the balloon had a race car on it that sported the number 30 on it because she swears she saw my drivers liscense and it said that i am 30. youve seen the pictures. i aint 30.
surrounding the gift were chocolate bars and m&m’s and a sweet card of a little boy and a barking dog telling me i was a very special boy. and the present was a nice new wallet, which i needed very badly, and it had what any wallet needs, a flip open flap for my bus pass on one side and my xbi badge on the other. thank you, ashley!
on my amazon wishlist i got, as reported earlier, a pancake maker, and a bamboo place mat set, to go along with a Quick Chopper. so the kitchen was represented nicely. gracias, anonymous donors.
the good people of Manila made me a big ass shoe (pictured) because they’ve read about my prowess, which means that i must have big feet? im not sure. the boom you heard this morning was when the ups man delivered it. im still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
and then there were the web page tributes, and the emails, comments, fan signs. i got emails from people who had never emailed me before and who i didnt even know read my blog. that made me feel soooooo good, you dont even know. and i got perma linked by like a half dozen sites that i didnt even know about, including one from a gay guy! who knew i would appeal to that demographic?! welcome, everyone. and thank you for the love.
after the movie ashley came home and sent me into a place where only eagles dare to fly.
they say that men are a visual creature and it’s true. i could just sit there and look at a girl like ashley all night and say things and have her smile and model this or that or walk around in her clompy heels and reposition herself, and all would be well. but to have her say the things she said, and to let me photograph the evening? how could one man be so lucky? i say this not to brag, but to educate the ladies of the web that fancy dinners, etc., cannot be replaced by a floorshow. if your man loves you, love him back with exactly what he wants, and i like little outfits and spicy conversation.
i burned a dirty cd and we played it and it stopped and we didnt notice. she said things to me that would make hef blush. she smelled of perfume, she looked like an angel, she felt like, well, like a twenty year old girl should.
i wish there was a word for thankyouthankyouthankyou.
when i turned 50 i was lucky enough to have a girlfriend. she knew the big 5-0 would be hard on me so she got us a sweet room across the bay, she ordered up some to-go from my favorite chinese restaurant, dressed up as dirty as she could, and banged the living shit out of me.
it made a difficult birthday go down a lot smoother.
despite that wonderful evening, since then all birthdays have been tough for me.
i may not look my age, but sometimes i feel it when i’m trying to steal home, or running a hook route, or chasing a perp down a long alley. mortality is a bitch and each anniversary sometimes reminds me more of one more step to doom than a celebration of life.
the love that was showered upon me yesterday through emails and gifts and comments and web pages out there was overwhelming And i got banged by a girl who tried to dress like a dirty ho.
sometimes i wonder if i am the luckiest man in the world.
yesterday there was no question.
i feel very touched by the warmth that you all shared with me.
i swear to you that i will do my best to continue to bring you all the fucked up weirdness that you come here to find each day.
this morning, however, the first order of business it to wipe this goofy smirk off my face.