1. Tuesday, October 1, 2002

    anna kournikova 

    returned to her winning ways today in moscow, putting away Switzerland’s Marie-Gaianah Mikaelian 6-4, 6-3 as easy as knocking back a shot of vodka.

    the russian beauty advanced in the Kremlin Cup to rousing applause and bouquets of flowers.

    “tennis smennish,” the 21-year-old hearthrob said in her post-match press conference. “all i want to know is what the fuck is Adam Curry doing at #34 in the Truth Laid Bear’s blogosphere, when my sweet lovable tony is lost in the pack at #108!”

    the sensuous athlete known for her provacative outfits was complaining about the informal rankings of web blogs put together by N.Z. Bear who lists sites by how many other sites on the list link each other. sources say it’s very complicated.

    “it’s not complicated at all!” kournikova complained, dabbing a glistening rivulet of perspiration from her brow with her baby blue Adidas hand towel. “i would like to see this happen. i would like to see all the people on the blogosphere who are not linking the busblog begin linking immediately. im sure tony will return the favor.”

    the tennis star reeled off a short list of sites that she said she would like very much to have links to pierce’s site. and with each name she pounded her fist on the table.

    “first, i think there should be a link from Uppity Negro, obviously. and Tonecluster!

    the star went on, and on and was dragged from the conference shouting. “Compete with Curry!”