dear brittany,

i had one of the best weekends in a long time. it was so much fun making out with you. i didnt think that a big time hollywood movie star would find me in the least bit interesting, but thank god for pills huh?

after i dropped you off friday night i went home and started going through my email. i had something from the girls over at mad pony who said some of the sweetest things to me. i love fan mail, dont you?

dear women of the world, if you want to make me happy please keep sending those cards and letters. its makes me so happy.

on saturday my exgirl chris took me to see your movie with eminem. i must say i was blown away. what a great movie. so not cheesy. great movie. even dissed my boys the beasties, which was so funny. i loved it. and brittany you looked so hot. you popped right off the screen. my neighbor said that you looked too good for that crew but sometimes its like that.

thank you for the new jay-z cd. i love it. it reminds me of pauls boutique. so many different musical styles. i remember back then the dust brothers were the shit and now the neptunes are, and they obviously opened their notebooks and let the jiggaman take whatever he wanted and hell, he took a double album full. what a hip hop weekend i had. maybe thats why im so happy.

maybe its you.

it was so much fun hanging out with chris though. shes so gorgeous and we have so much fun together. we had spinach and shrimp and scallops and lettuce wraps at pf changs and the spinach was so garlicy we barely ate any and they were nice enough to remove it from the bill which shocked me because theyre not really known for their service, but that was super slick, so thank you pf. we’ll be back.

and then maybe ten minutes after chris dropped me off at home ashley surprised me and showed up with some pizza slices and decided to spend the night which was good because i dont like staying mad for too long and she was very apologetic and very beautiful and bought these new little socks that looked real good and sometimes a girl will say, lets do anything you like, and you dont know what to do and other times a girl will say that and you’ll know exactly what to do.

and as much as i try to push ashley away, on many many levels we are eye to eye, i feel extremely comfortable with her, she fully loves me no matter what bs is happening, she totally wants me, and i really know my boundaries with her. we watched the last half of “gimme shelter” which she’d never seen and then you on saturday night live, and you were terrific by the way, and then we went to bed.

tossed and turned and eventually fell asleep.

in the morning i woke up and i tried to crawl out of bed as football was calling my name and she had the death grip on me and even asleep she wanted me. i said it’s twenty minutes after ten, i must leave. and she said, no, cuddle.

long naturally curly blonde hair, cute little necklace, she looks like a hippie girl straight out of the sixties when shes naked. little wood nymph girl with a big smile. she said ten more minutes. i said i wouldnt miss a half hour of football if you were pam anderson.

fifty minutes later i was finally leaving the bedroom and i realized that there werent any games i wanted to see, so we drove over to poquito mas and had lunch, then the ninety nine cents store, then she had to go to work and i had to watch the raiders.

ah, the raiders. east bay assassins. and no finer victim than that man named brady.

under the cover of darkness the silver and black ripped apart the pats and it was delicious. but i wont gloat because this season isnt even half way done and the raiders are in the toughest division in the nfl. and theres bigger fish to fry.

all i have to say is thank you lord, it was a great weekend and i didnt deserve an ounce of it.

anyhow, brittany, sorry i gave you a hickey. i promise i wont be that rough again.




i knew the raiders would make the patriots their bitch

so on friday i made a u-turn after i left work and climbed back into chopper one.

this time without the prying eyes and hands and commands of hq.

i took her up and started pressing all the buttons i didnt see described in the three ring binders ive been pouring over.

most people wouldnt recommend that you do such things at 40k feet but most people would tell you that im not most people.

fortunately choppper one is idiot proof because the xbi knows that the only people who would ever be crazy enough to be flying an untested black copter that could be mistaken by the military as being a threat, would be crazy enough to

oh shit.

the seat suddenly became very warm and began vibrating like crazy.

a sultry voice said


i flicked another switch and a fluid poured into my mask.

canadian dry ginger ale

i flicked the switch again

diet canadian dry ginger ale

i flicked it twice more and the fluid stopped.

instead of pressing the buttons or blindly, and may i add, foolishly touching the controls, you can just ask me. the voice said.

how about shutting the hell up. i thought.

i should probably alert you that i can also read your mind. your helmet, captain.

i pushed the throttle and began tearing across the sky.

ive been waiting for you the voice said. no need to fight me.

i pulled back on the wheel and the copter began to flip.

the boys below warned me not to try to “eat her out” which was a crude way of saying to fly upside down.

suddenly the machine righted itself, the panel lights flashed in unison and blinked off.

not so fast

i couldnt move my arms. i couldnt move my feet. the lights went back on but they blinked in patterns.

ive adjusted the magnetic field in the cabin. your jet suit is now forcing you to sit still.

and thats when chopper one took it out of first gear and began to really fly.

random fixation

the stars are coming out, will you see them?

from JPL News today.

The early morning hours of Nov. 19 (late tonight) may be your last chance to see the spectacular Leonid meteor shower in its full glory, according to astronomers.

“Even with the full Moon, this year’s Leonids will probably be better than any other for the next hundred years,” said Dr. Don Yeomans, an astronomer at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Pasadena, Calif. “If you’re ever going to see them, this might be the year to try.” NASA is taking advantage of the event for several research efforts around the world.

The shower is predicted to have two peaks, each a couple of hours long, during which the most meteors can be seen. The shower’s second peak, most prominent in North American skies, is expected at around 2:30 a.m. (Pacific time) Nov. 19, and promises the rare spectacle of a few meteors every minute or even more. “Observers in good locations away from city lights might see a few hundred per hour. You’ll only get to see the bright ones because the moonlight will wash out the ones that aren’t as bright,” said Yeomans. Last year, observers did not have to contend with the Moon and saw meteors at a pace of several hundred per hour.

An earlier peak is expected over Europe and Africa the night of Nov. 18, and observers in North America might see a few grazers — meteors skimming the top of the atmosphere — from this first peak starting around 8:30 p.m. (Pacific time) Nov. 18.

The Leonids are grains of dust from comet Tempel-Tuttle colliding into Earth’s atmosphere. Most Leonid particles are tiny and will vaporize very high in the atmosphere due to their extreme speed (about 71 kilometers or 44 miles per second), so they present no threat to people on the ground or even in airplanes. As it progresses in its 33-year orbit, the comet releases dust particles every time it comes near the Sun. Earth intersects the comet’s debris trail every year in mid-November, but the intensity of each year’s Leonid meteor shower depends on whether Earth ploughs through a particularly concentrated stream of dust within the broader debris trail.

The dust that Tempel-Tuttle shed in 1866 makes up the stream predicted to give Americans a good show this year. Last year, people in Asia saw the plentiful collisions within that stream. A dust stream from 1767 provided last year’s peak hour of viewing in North America and will provide this year’s peak hour of viewing in Europe. After 2002, Earth won’t hit either of those streams again for decades to come, and is not predicted to encounter a dense Leonid stream until 2098 or 2131.

The golden rule for watching the Leonids — or any meteor shower — is to be comfortable. Be sure to wrap up warmly — a sleeping bag placed atop a lawn chair facing east is a good way to enjoy the show. Put your chair in a clear, dark place with a view of as much of the sky as possible. Don’t stare at any one place. Keep your eyes moving across the sky. Most Leonids will appear as fleeting streaks of light, but watch for the bigger ones that produce fireballs and trails. Some trails will remain visible for several minutes or more.