ok ladies of the internet

you can stop flooding my inbox with fantasies of featherbeds and dance routines, pink champagne and restraints.

im just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit.

took a midnight train

going anywhere.

los angeles is on fire. its warm as summer here. at least eighty five, maybe ninety. and not too windy. the wind blew all the crap out of the skies so its warm clear hot babes everywhere. we know this is borrowed time but it doesnt matter, it makes a guy like me feel 79 again.

people ask me to write about michael jackson and his kids, but i wont. black folk dont like to talk about other black folk losing their minds. and obviously he’s just doing it all for the nookie, i mean for the attention.

and the warm weather just makes me meloncholy cuz i wish i did have a fast car, fast enough that we could fly away.

i would keep driving till it stopped being warm and gorgeous then i would double back, maybe go down a dusty road following the edge of warmth and if the road stopped, well i guess then we’d have to push the blinking orange button that would levitate us over the trees over the hills and above the clouds where days like these live every day.

when i was a boy in chicago i would look at the birds outside my window on the sill and id say stupid bird you could be anywhere in the world what are you doing here in cold chicago and it would twist its neck and blink.

karisa has exciting adventures that i wish she would allow me to share with you, and i suppose tony has exciting adventures that he wishes he could share with you too but there is a strange immediacy to writing in this media that makes some things feel like theyre better left saved for novels where we really pretend that its fake.

but if i told you that karisa got drunk last night with her pals and rode the bull at the saddle ranch and saw some famous people including the southern girl from real world vegas i guess thats not showing off.

and if i told you that i got to hang out with a skinny blonde girl who watched buffy while i showered and sang along to jayz and then shaved and then got to be close to her thats not really showing off i hope.

and if i told you that this morning i clicked on mad pony and was suprised to see that they put up a cute little photo gallery would you come back to me, or would you just stay over there and forget who sent ya?

ah, if only i was 87 years younger and living on a ranch in oklahoma where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain.

and dont tell them but i cant figure out which one is kristen and which one is lauren but does it really matter?

i do know which one is meesh and it bums me out that she hasnt updated.

so lets all go over there and fill her comments box with pleas and excertations, shall we?


ashley picked me up at work last night

i think she has esp that all the hot single women of sweden and asia and planet zip are sending me their emails and telling me all the nice things that a fella wants to read when he wakes up in the morn.

we met in the lobby of the xbi and she had been in traffic for two and a half hours and she said that she didnt want to be in the car any more.

can we walk to your home? she asked.

of course, i said. she had both arms around me as we walked. there are gentlemen who dont like this sort of attention, but i think its great. across the street was the baja fresh mexican place. i said would you like some baja? and she shook her head up and down and pouted as if the 405 had victimized her and only pampering via guacamole and chips and a thick quesedia could cure.

and a kiss on the forehead.

i pushed her away for a second and twirled her around so i could get a good look. she happilly obliged.

silk shirt with an asian pattern, little white shirt underneath, sexy bra straps saying hi, tight jeans, sweet shoes, daisy behind her ear and a sticker that said taken that she peeled off and put on my cheek.

who wouldnta been taken?

we sat out in the night under the umbrella watching the cars pass by on wilshire when a very nice chap came up to us and said, “tony pierce? im matt. you linked my girlfriend.

i said who’s your girlfriend?

he said katie hall.

i said wow! i saw your girlfriend dance on her site with you! dude i love your site, how to be hip!

he said, i love your site, are you kidding me!

ashley cleared her throat.

oh oh yes, matt, this is the famous ashley.

we exchanged pleasantries and when he left ashley said, does this happen all the time that you eat here, famous boy?

i said, yes. despite being in the shadow of the screen actor’s guild, variety, e!, and many production offices like the fifth wheel and the hollywood squares, mr. blogger boy is the most famous face in the food court.

then we went to the video store which doesnt have many video tapes any more. when did that happen? picked up pulp fiction which ashley somehow had never seen before and i dont think ive seen since i saw it on opening night.

this morning it was nearly impossible to leave the daisy princess who laid beatifully in my bed as the warm breeze nudged the thin drapes as the parrots chirped in the palm trees and the school bus picked up some neighbors.

but alas here i am. big day of fighting crime ahead.

thanks for all the notes you all have left. and for those who have clicked the button on the left, the anna button, to order books, gracias. there are just a few left if you want a First Edition which will be sure to include some embarrassing errors that will be corrected in the second edition run.

rock today, superheroes, okay?

how to be hip