1. Thursday, November 7, 2002

    in the time of chimpanzees i was a flunky 

    what’s up president of the united states of america?

    my approval ratings, bay bee. ahahahahaha.

    well congratulations, mr. president, it looks like your influence is what brought your party all the success it had in winning back the majority in congress.

    thats what they tell me.

    do you agree?

    i agree with what i said, yes.

    i hear you have a hit documentary on hbo.

    thats what i hear too. i’m in it right?

    yep, its called travels with george.

    now see, thats a good title.

    part of the documentary, mr. president is you suggesting that title.

    get out.

    i shit you not, mr. president.

    please dont.

    so how about this war on terrorism, huh.

    see, you say things like that and i dont think youre being sincere.

    im not being sincere.

    this war is very serious. and i read your blog. i see you taking jabs at me. when was the last time we’ve been attacked by terrorists?

    dc sniper?

    he doesnt count.

    why doesnt he count?

    he was an american.

    so does that mean you’re going to pardon john walker lindh?

    mmmmmaybe.

    i dont think you should.

    why not?

    you might come across as being soft of terrorism.

    but if i hang him all those people who bitched about my record in texas– executing people and stuff– they’ll come back to life like zombies.

    hang em.

    he’s just a kid.

    so is the kid partner of the dc sniper.

    yeah but–

    but john walker is white.

    i didnt say that.

    and his parents are rich.

    youre putting words in my mouth.

    george if i could put words in your mouth i would put way better ones in there.

    i bet you would fuckball.

    okay, well, yay usa. good luck getting help from the u.n. to help you blow iraq to hell.

    thanks.

    and good luck with the economy, you’re going to look like a gigantic ass if you cant get something right in the next two years with the congress, the supreme court and the executive branch on your side.

    see, youre not being genuine again, are you?

    that time i was. i want you to do well.

    you do?

    of course i do, mr. president. see, i am an american. i want america to do well. and i also know that the american voters, for the most part, have their heads up their asses and they dont care if the former administration did well, they’ll still vote for whoever they want.

    you’ve lost me.

    it’s cool. by the way, if you were so influencial, why couldnt you get rid of that political powerhouse Gray Davis?

    you know how many texan republicans made a fortune off Gray Davis?

    touche.

    hey how many books have you sold so far?

    30 books.

    not bad.

    only four more days to get it at the discounted rate.

    i’m thinking about getting a few for my daughters, they love your stuff.

    find bin laden and i’ll give you a few free.

    okay, now that’s a deal.

    truth laid bear