my pal thor garcia dedicated his first collection of short stories to marc brown, because he was always there which is probably the finest dedication of all times.
and i was thinking about the old fashioned to my mother like jd did in catcher in the rye.
then i was thinking about dedicating it to alan greenspan because if he hadn’t stuck his little dick into the economy when it was booming i would be making probably $75k a year flying around the world making dreams come true instead of writing the busblog, so out of a sow’s rear ive spun some silk.
then i thought maybe the boss who fired me or the girl who said all the rotten things that led to me getting fired even though i hired them both and made their lives pretty easy. but if those two hadn’t done what they did i wouldn’t have been rehired four hours later a hero and a semi-martyr and i wouldn’t have been reassigned to fight crime with karisa.
then i was thinking about dedicating it to her, but then ashley would set fire to my beachhouse and i’d have to prosecute her to the fullest.
so the list grew: bud selig, master p, anna, mariah, elvis, angus young, hank williams, mozart, hef, kobe, phil jackson, michael jackson, my attorney.
then i thought of something that made me laugh so hard i nearly fell over
to my baby’s momma
but people might get the wrong idea, and the purpose of anything i type is to get laid or paid so ixnay on the baby jokes cuz until she takes a dna test that shit ain’t really all that funny.
except to me.
then i thought i should dedicate it to the Los Angeles Times who refuses not only to offer me my dream job, but didn’t even bother to write an LA Times Magazine feature on me and here i am only a few subway stops from their plush headquarters.
im sure ashley would want me to dedicate it to her, but shes been a very bad girl and proved the other day that her love isn’t for me, but for another so let him learn to read and write and when he puts out a book then he can dedicate it to her.
i have a few titles that he can use if he gets stuck.
it is so hard for me not to write about that stuff but im doing my best not to. shes a sweet girl whose still in love with her first love. and you will always be in love with your first love. even if they’re less than perfect. even if guys like me do everything for you and fill your wallets with cash that you in turn spend on clothes and food and sin.
i don’t want to write about it because i want it to be over and done with. she asked if there was anything that she could do to make things better and there really isn’t. she has a new tattoo that she could put my name inside i kept thinking but then i thought that wouldn’t even do it.
have you ever been so disgusted with something that nothing could make things better. not a zillion apologies. not ten zillion catholic girl skirts.
for a while there were really only two girls i liked and only one of them liked me back and now neither do, so i write to you.
and yesterday i asked my friend, so why then am i so happy.
and she said cuz you’re illegally insane.