1. Monday, November 25, 2002

    so the french are pounding their chests 

    because theres a new report that says that they have more sex than anyone in the world.

    the study was conducted by a condom company which explains why france has so many citizens.

    still, these results are troubling, and ladies of america, i think you have finally seen what your coyness has resulted in, defeat.

    now i have done my best to help our numbers. in july i ordered 60 condoms off ebay. i already had about 30 in reserve and now i only have about 5 left. that means ive used 85 in three and a half months, approximately. at that pace i’d be over 200, which should be our target goal, america.

    but ladies, we need your help.

    200 means sex every two out of three days.

    if you miss a day you’re going to have to double up the next day.

    now please, pay attention, this is very important.

    i dont mind so much that america is ranked #15 in the world in education of our children.

    but to lose to not just france France (167 times a year), the Netherlands (158), Denmark (152), Canada (150) and the uptight Brits (149), it’s downright upsetting to come in at a disappointing 6th place with a measly 138 times a year.

    once again, our president has failed us.

    see what happens when theres no boobies on tv, and when you win this war on drugs?

    all the top placed countries have lax drug and alcohol laws, generous amounts of sex on the small screen, and four of the five have royals to dress up as when their citizens get down.

    200 a year, people.

    with your help, we can do this.

    i know one american who is messing up our average…