1. Friday, November 1, 2002

    theres a few girls that i go out with that i never write about. 

    i do that because theyre famous celebrities and their girlfriends would be pissed if they knew they were slumming with the likes of me.

    one of them really likes mannish guys, the type that i can be sometimes but i am rarely on dates.

    in real life i have a stubbly beard and a beer belly and a messy apartment and i have sports on all the time.

    but on dates im well shaven, the maid picks up after me, i laugh at all her jokes, i keep my distance, i bring roses and wine, i pull out the chair, and kiss the back of her hand. all the things we gentlemen were trained to do in boarding schools in switzerland. n’est pas?

    this one particlur model i have gone out with a number of times and shes never really seen the man inside that i am who is a brute and a cheat and a bum and a fucker. i can be mean and dirty and masculine (in a good way) and animal and every time im with her i think i would like to show her that part of me but all that comes out is this very polite quiet shy happy person because im very happy whenever im with her and its murphys law cuz her best friend tells me that she hates wimpy dorks like that.

    one of the best moments in last week’s anna nicole show was when anna was meeting up with a matchmaker who was asking the texas playmate what sort of man she was looking for.

    225 lb. anna said, “someone who’s arms i can jump into and he can make me feel small, like a little girl.”

    and i thought, shaq is taken, baby.

    and ive heard this request from the opposite sex before and the only person who i know i have made felt that way is ashley.

    and i wondered if that meant that i should just give in and have what i have and take the princess in front of me who loves me and wants me but who im really wrong for – and try to make it work out – or if i should just keeping on moving dont stop like soul II soul.

    sergi fedorov wouldnt even think these thoughts anna k whispered my way, he would just take whats in front of him and take whats behind him and take whats next to him and take. hes a man but thats what i got sick of, she told me in morse code tapped on my palm as we held hands in the back of a limo on the way from the airport early this morning.

    and i fucking hated his stuble, she tapped and kissed my silky smooth cheek.

    azarock