1. Sunday, December 29, 2002

    there is a newspaper here in hell. 

    it’s pretty bad.

    i think it’s called the Los Angeles Times.

    These people have the opportunity to talk to and write about some of the most fascinating people in the world, and they dont.

    All the coolest people in the world stroll through this here every day. Is that represented in the newspaper? no.

    its the capitol of entertainment. is the Calander section that incredible? if it were, there wouldnt be soooo much room for variety, the hollywood reporter, the la weekly, and eonline.

    but what do i know?

    today they had me sending off spam.

    apparently theres big money in penis enlargement cream and university diplomas.

    it was my job to write fake-out spam. the idea was to make an email that didnt look like spam but that would make someone click it so that theyd go to the webpage, which of course would launch a half dozen pop up ads.

    unfortunately i was a little too good at this, so sorry if i got you.

    anyway the Times chose to interview me yesterday morning.

    i caught a breif glace at it on the newstands today, but with all the fire down here, newpapers last about 10 seconds after the newsboys toss it from their trucks.

    how have you enjoyed your stay in hell so far?

    this is a terrible place. i hate it.

    whats your favorite part of hell?

    hmmm thats a good question. probably the freedom to be creative.

    was it what you thought it would be?

    sorta. i didnt think you would be able to eat so much, or that youd be able to have sex, and i never imagined it smelling so bad. fuck!

    did you leave a will on earth?

    yes, i gave everything to the united negro college fund.

    what do you miss the most?

    are you kidding me?

    no, really, what?

    ice cream.

    are you sorry for the things that you did that brought you here?

    yes.

    how much?

    lots.

    you dont sound like it.

    maybe you should listen closer.

    what do you want to accomplish here?

    i want to meet a nice girl and settle down.

    sometimes i feel like im just chasing my tail.

    1000 journals