to say that the subway system

in hell is complex is an understatement.

the devil runs a tight ship so you know that shits gonna be on time, but since the streets have no names you have to figure things out through landmarks.

tough trick when youre underneath them.

id just gotten my dick sucked real good by the two headed stewardesses at the sex palace and i towelled off, signed a few autographs and headed to Orientation Square where they said they had been waiting for me.

its quite unusal for someone to acclimate so quickly without any orientation, the woman said. its almost like you were meant for this place.

she had long black hair that went up into a beehive and splayed out like an explosion. she had firehouse red lipstick and wore a smart little tennis bracelette and nothing else so i just nodded and smiled and sat down in the chair that she offered me.





what are you sorry for?

not learning how to bat left handed.

favorite job?

gas station attendent, beverly hills, california

true love?


what do you wish to accomplish in the next six hundred and sixty six hours?

work out a lot, read genesis, and write one decent poem.

why did the chicken cross the road?


how to you take your coffee?

disquised as a screwdriver, no pulp.

last novel read?

white oleander.

isnt that a chick book?

porn has a lot of chicks in it too.

snoop doggy blog

on my way home i saw a sign that said Customer Service

i never saw this sign before and i followed the arrow to a long line.

after about an hour i made it to the front of the line and said hello to the woman who said hello back at me.

yes, hi. i was wondering where i can find pants. i have no pants.

you can find pants at the store.

she rang a bell.


no no. please i have a few more questions. i heard that on new year’s day we can be re-judged.

dont believe your dreams. you didnt follow or believe them on Earth, Hell shouldnt be any different.

yes, but i shouldnt be here. i wasnt all that bad. plus i loved the Lord.

do you want to fill out a complaint?

may i?


she rang a bell again.


just a few more questions, please. im new here.

you didnt take the orientation yet?

no. what orientation?

you need to go to the Welcome Center and tell them youre new.

will they give me pants?

no. you get pants at the store. they will also have shirts for you there too.

when will i get pants?

pardon me?

i am trying to be nice here and i am getting no satisfaction.

what sort of satisfaction were you looking for?

i dont know. doesnt the squeaky wheel get the grease?

she pulled a chain and a bucket of hot grease dumped on me.

it was hot.

and greasy.

she rang a bell.