fun with old emails

today we will start a new feature where we dig through old emails sent to me, take them out of context, slightly, get rid of the beginnings and ends, and put them next to a picture of a wild animal.

oh, and not mention who they were from.

consider this project #1, specially processed for your sweet asses

Dear Tony,

You know what might help is those paraffin wax dips. Like at a manicurists.

Bet that would feel good.

Speaking of Bukkake, did you read today, I was aghast, good stuff

So u going to write full time??!

Maybe you need more rest, or get your girl to type for you.

I’d do it for you

if I was your girl.

And I’d make sure you spelt all the words right too.

Cause I’m just that kind of girl

Arrrgh, tomorrow is QOTSA (I think it’s at Palladium?)! But you have to come by with Karisa after the gallery opening.

Whereabouts is it?

The Argyle is on Sunset.

Traffic is off the hook! Biggest day so far! 400 between noon yesterday and

today.! Fuck me!

Saturday we are going to see Puppetry of the Penis at the Coronet. You have

to check out their website. Looks hilarious!

No! You rule!

I just posted a pic

Tell me quick if I should take it down

I think it’s funny

the blog of the century of the week

Public Enemy

It Takes A Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back

Def Jam Records

“Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos”

I got a letter from the government

The other day

I opened and read it

It said they were suckers

They wanted me for their army or whatever

Picture me given a damn I said never

Here is a land that never gave a damn

About a brother like me and myself

Because they never did

I wasn’t wit’ it but just that very minute…

It occured to me

The suckers had authority

Cold sweatin’ as I dwell in my cell

How long has it been?

They got me sittin’ in the state pen

I gotta get out – but that thought was thought before

I contemplated a plan on the cell floor

I’m not a fugitive on the run

But a brother like me begun – to be another one

Public enemy servin’ time – they drew the line y’all

To criticize me some crime – never the less

They could not understand that I’m a Black man

And I could never be a veteran

On the strength, the situation’s unreal

I got a raw deal, so I’m goin’ for the steel

They got me rottin’ in the time that I’m servin’

Tellin’ you what happened the same time they’re throwin’

4 of us packed in a cell like slaves – oh well

The same motherfucker got us livin’ is his hell

You have to realize – what its a form of slavery

Organized under a swarm of devils

Straight up – word’em up on the level

The reasons are several, most of them federal

Here is my plan anyway and I say

I got gusto, but only some I can trust – yo

Some do a bid from 1 to 10

And I never did, and plus I never been

I’m on a tier where no tears should ever fall

Cell block and locked – I never clock it y’all

‘Cause time and time again time

They got me servin’ to those and to them

I’m not a citizen

But ever when I catch a C-O

Sleepin’ on the job – my plan is on go-ahead

On the strength, I’ma tell you the deal

I got nothin’ to lose

‘Cause I’m goin’ for the steel

You know I caught a C-O

Fallin’ asleep on death row

I grabbed his gun – then he did what I said so

And everyman’s got served

Along with the time they served

Decency was deserved

To understand my demands

I gave a warnin’ – I wanted the governor, y’all

And plus the warden to know

That I was innocent –

Because I’m militant

Posing a threat, you bet it’s fuckin’ up the government

My plan said I had to get out and break north

Just like with Oliver’s neck

I had to get off – my boys had the feds in check

They couldn’t do nuthin’

We had a force to instigate a prison riot

This is what it takes for peace

So I just took the piece

Black for Black inside time to cut the leash

Freedom to get out – to the ghetto – no sell out

6 C-Os we got we ought to put their head out

But I’ll give ’em a chance, cause I’m civilized

As for the rest of the world, they can’t realize

A cell is hell – I’m a rebel so I rebel

Between bars, got me thinkin’ like an animal

Got a woman C-O to call me a copter

She tried to get away, and I popped her

Twice, right

Now who wanna get nice?

I had 6 C-Os, now it’s 5 to go

And I’m serious – call me delirious

But I’m still a captive

I gotta rap this

Time to break as time grows intense

I got the steel in my right hand

Now I’m lookin’ for the fence

I ventured into the courtyard

Followed by 52 brothers

Bruised, battered, and scarred but hard

Goin’ out with a bang

Ready to bang out

But power from the sky

And from the tower shots rang out

A high number of dose – yes

And some came close

Figure I trigger my steel

Stand and hold my post

This is what I mean – an anti-nigger machine

If I come out alive and then they won’t – come clean

And then I threw up my steel bullets – flew up

Blew up, who shot…

What, who, the bazooka was who

And to my rescue, it was the S1Ws

Secured my getaway, so I just gotaway

The joint broke, from the black smoke

Then they saw it was rougher thatn the average bluffer

‘Cause the steel was black, the attitude exact

Now the chase is on tellin’ you to c’mon

53 brothers on the run, and we are gone

matt welch

i couldnt be a fashion designer

all i would end up with would be plaid skirts, leather pants, cheerleader sweaters, and go go boots.

nobody wants a line like that.

the academy sent over adaptation last night. i didnt have anyone to watch it with which was actually good because i was working on the website for my attorney. i watched it once and didnt really like it but i thought that was maybe because i was working as i was watching it. so then after i was done working i watched it again and still i didnt like it.

a movie about writing a movie is sorta lame. sorry. and did anything really happen? was anything resolved? i get it that thats what the screenwriter was talking about but, wtf, spike?

there were about two spike jonez moments in the whole film if you dont count the excellent trick photography during the scenes where nick cage plays his twin brother, but so what?

am i to believe that women would fall for a guy just because he’s a good writer? that it doesnt matter if he’s fat and balding and unattractive and lives with his brother? does charlie kaufman really want me to think that gorgeous women in hollywood really just want a man who’s smart and funny and positive and knows how to tell a good story?

like that would ever happen in a million years.

and then theres meryl streep, am i supposed to believe that she would fall for a toothless hick just because he gets obsessive about things?

who the fuck is writing this movie? this is no movie, it’s a nerd’s wet dream, but it’s not even that, it’s the story of a nerd writing about writing about a nerd’s wet dream. bullshit i say. bull fucking shit.

i want spike jonez to do better, please.

youre the best director out there. dont waste nick cage and meryl streep like that with that bullshit script.

i dont care that all of hollywood is falling all over themselves to get to charlie kaufman. a few years ago everyone was trying to get to arsenio.

plus the characters were all flat.

plus you cant have gurus in good stories. especially gurus who accept an invite to a fucking bar and help the protaganist over a brew and does such a wonderful job guruing that he gets a hug and changes the poor schmuck’s life. fuck that. it’s too easy. and it’s completely unrealistic outside of in bad books and movies.

in the wee hours after i watched the movie for a second time i popped in grand theft auto and ran over a bunch of people in my stolen cop car and went to bed forgetting that i hadnt locked my front door, but remembering that i got my first real life fan letter from a very interesting woman in new mexico who fancies herself a lithographer.

thank you for your letter and cool drawings!

and ashley im still waiting for my key