1. Monday, January 13, 2003

    dear anna kournikova, 

    hi.

    i think we should go out.

    we’re both air signs and if you believe in that stuff, we’re super compatible.

    a few problems are in our way for true love, of course, but that could be the case for any two people.

    biggest problem i would imagine is my age.

    im 109.

    if youre into older men then i guess its ok. its ok with me, if you were wondering. ive dated girls in their early 20s for most of my life.

    the other minor problem is im dead.

    and im in hell.

    but we can work that out later.

    my turn-ons? i like to make out in hot air balloons. i like good food. good friends. short walks on the beach. and i really like blogging.

    because nothing on my blog is true, you dont have to worry about me giving away any of your secrets cuz noone would believe it anyway.

    my turn-offs? hell, hell-related activities, back pain, carpal tunnel, major newspapers who wont hire me even though i beg them through blog entries, death, and the sad decline of kroq 106.7.

    im a fun loving, caring, sensitive poet with a mellow disposition and a good computer loaded with tons of mp3s.

    strangely, anna, i know very little about you.

    so please feel free to write me at annalovestony@tonypierce.com

    nice work beating Henrieta Nagyova earlier today in the Austrailian Open 6-1, 6-2.

    p.s. i lust you.

    tony

    jack bog