1. Wednesday, January 15, 2003

    stood in line at Customer Service for a few hours early this morning 

    got to the front of the line and asked the woman how i could get re-judged.

    she said, you need the grace of God.

    i asked, is there any other way?

    she said, oh wait, you have a blog, right?

    i said, yes, why yes i do.

    she said, you need the grace of God and 100 new permalinks.

    i said, theres no way in Hell i can get 100 new permalinks.

    she said, theres lots of ways in Hell, if you havent noticed, you figured out how to blog from here, didnt you?

    i said, what if i got 50 permalinks?

    she said, what if you got 100 permalinks?

    i said, what about 75?

    she said, if you got 84 i would think about it, but you would also need the grace of God and you’d have to start writing a whole lot better.

    i asked, is there any time limit to any of this?

    she said, nope.

    so i asked, so i just sit here and suffer and do my thing and pray and hustle for links?

    she said, thats a good start. and she pulled a lever and a trap door opened beneath my feet and i was plummetted into a pit beneath customer service, which also doubled as the development room for many of FOX’s reality based shows.

    i saw Simon from American Idol, i saw that dumbass Joe Millionaire and i saw that Japanese kid who can eat hotdogs like crazy.

    he barfed on me and simon said i had talent as a target.

    then i had to watch my girl Anna lose to Justine Henin-Hardenne of Belgium 6-0, 6-1 in the Austrailian Open.

    bitter girl