anna has been rehabbing and has been out of touch

but it’s okay because the carrier pigeons send me sweet little notes from her, and i attach pez dispensers to them and send em back on their way.

the last one was a wonder woman one and she liked it very much. so much so that she sent me a naughty little picture of herself along with a tiny lil note that said

what are you doing for valentines day?

i wrote back, “im gonna eat some ecstasy and let you molest me.”

she sent back a pigeon with two capsules of x and a locket with her name engraved on it.

for some reason i always take a whiff of the pigeon to see if she squirted a little of her delicious perfume on them, but she never does and the pigeons always look at me a little cockeyed and try to poop on my hand.

anna has been nursing a sore back. her pal martina hingis retired last week at the ripe old age of 22 and on one hand i would love it if anna quit too because i would get to spend more time with her, but on the other hand i would really like to see her win a tourney before she hangs the adidas up for good.

my weekend was spent pretty much blowing my gnose into toilet paper. right now my cleaning lady is putting a deep scrub on everything. i did my best to rid her of nasty kleenexes and empty soup cans.

i did enjoy the all-star game last night. especially when mariah nearly made mj cry because she sings so wonderfully.

i know a lot of people talk shit about her, but whatever. no matter whats going on in her life, the one thing that matters is that mariah’s a great singer.

which is exactly why i have her poster facing my bed.

which i will probably have to take down, temporarily, if anna really does come over on valentines day.

hopefully i wont just pass out as soon as i eat it, which is what happened last time, only to be woken up by her slamming the door knocking over the x-rated polaroids she left behind of her in lingerie with a post-it that said, “this is what you missed, old man.”

trust me, i know what i missed.

i am feeling better today, if you’re scoring at home.

and if you’re scoring at home, remember not to be selfish.

scott rosenberg