busblog

nothing in here is true

  1. Monday, March 31, 2003

    i swear this wont turn into a sports blog 

    i have no problem with jon gruden.

    during the season i had to hold him in the way of an enemy.

    but they won that super bowl fair and square. and the raiders gave a lot of it away.

    good for jon gruden.

    cubs scored 15 runs today. not since 1899 have they scored that many on opening day. we’re going all the way.

    leadoff hitter corey patterson knocked in seven runs. two homers.

    if fucking corey patterson is ready to rock, this shits over.

    and kerry wood was snapping that curveball, in the cold of new york.

    and they had to walk sammy three times cuz theyre pussy ass bitches whose mothers are ashamed of.

    it snowed in the middle of opening day in baltimore today.

    then the sun came out, then they played some more, then it went into extra innings.

    when the cubs go all the way this year, you can say it was the year it fucking snowed in baltimore on opening day.

    quite a few people wished me happy opening day today, i liked that.

    i wore a black espn tshirt today and my cubs hat, then they asked me how the (red) sox were doing.

    this year again i find myself surrounded by red sox fans.

    sox lost a hot breakah today. pedro pitched his ass off through six. might have even been up by six.

    then they let the bullpen finish it up and those fuckers gave up the lead and then lost it.

    besides pedros sharp opener, red sox fans were probably also happy about the fact that derek jeter dislocated his shoulder in a freak accident at third when he slid in head first hustling to third from first on a ground ball out in the infield.

    and he was safe.

    first day of the season and people are speculating how steinbrenner will replace his all star.

    will he use the major leagues current farm system, the montreal expos, and pluck the youthful orlando cabrera, or let barry larkin get a chance to get a ring.

    soriano hit a grand slam.

    they might not need a shortstop.

    matt welch + bambino’s curse + midnight magica’s rhps photo essay

  2. cubs win, cubs win! 

    and to celebrate, i present to you a brand new photo essay, that has nothing to do with baseball, for your ass.

    dont be ascared to tell me how rad it is.

    (make sure to click the >> things)

    (for best results change your display settings to 1024×764)

  3. today is opening day 

    the day where every team still has a chance, even the cubs.

    if you asked me how the cubs chances are, i would tell you that they have kerry wood who might have 300 strikeouts this year. i would say they have matt clement who might toss 250 strikeouts this year. i would say they have mark prior who will record 20 wins this season. i would say their bullpen is deep. i would say sammy sosa is gonna hit 62 homers and mark belhorn will hit 45 and play second base.

    the only thing missing at wrigley field this year is harry carey.

    and me.

    and, of course, you.

    does nancy faust still play the organ at wrigley?

    how sick are you when you know the name of the organist at the ball game?

    once i was at old chicago stadium watching larry bird destroy the bulls, this was well before jordan, and i went with my buddies because the San Diego Chicken was performing during the game, and afterwards i got his autograph, and i saw a woman with sheet music going down the stairwell and i said, “nancy faust?” and she stopped dead in her tracks.

    and i got her autograph too.

    im glad the way this season is starting.

    yesterday, technically, baseball opened up with the defending champion anaheim angels hosting a game against the texas rangers. they werent scheduled to be the first game of the season but inclement weather back east made for some cancellations that pretty much showed us how baseball should begin.

    the defending champs should have the opportunity to kick off the season. why not?

    when i was a lad, i would beg my mother to let me have this day off. and if i was president of the united states, i would make Opening Day an official national holiday. its a big deal.

    my mom would usually get in a huge fight with me and there would be tears, damaged bedroom furniture, and some sort of “deal” that we would both reluctantly agree to, but come opening day i rarely found myself in the unfriendly confines of school.

    today im lucky enough to fly a black helicopter equipped with many monitors, one of which gets ESPN.

    thank you, glorious Lord.

    and go Cubs, you bastards.

    chris’s brother-in-law (with picture of her sister and cute nephews)

  4. an email from Jeanine 

    hey there the Bay Bay! read yer blog today – one day I’ll flow you big. Sadly I’ve not been coming from enough abundance lately.

    Love the monkey! As always!

    But HEY!- you make it seem like me n’ Chris have been all catty or something, like, we’re only NOW becoming friendly or something – WHATCHOO Soam Kahndo DOH-MEH!?!?!?

    Me n’ that fine, very hot girl do QUITE alright together …without you OR your commentary, thank you very much! And have been for a while! Or have you forgetten those very RAD pix from the Art Show of one G. Vaine late last summer!?!? I don’t THINK those were staged!!

    mmm-hmmm! (snap, snap)

    I love you, and am also attempting to scan and send you this great picture I have from Burma (ca. 1995) when the Illegally Ousted and Unjustly Arrested True Leader and Hero of the People, one AUNG SAN SOO KYI (daughter of Burma’s hero in the Fight for Freedom Against Great Britain)- spoke at a popular rally, where all righteous and loving Burmese citizens came to show their support despite the fear of death and torture at the hands of Ne Win’s EVIL MILITARY JUNTA!!!!!…..wait – where the hell is my soapbox….Ah! (scrape, scrape)

    AND WHERE WAS THE U.S. THEN?

    Oh- right- Shell and Chevron and United Bank of California, (etc, etc, etc) were too busy being major investors in Burma to actually realize there was A WHOLE NATION of INNOCENTS being KILLED and TORTURED under their noses!!! No – no need for a WAR FOR PEACE over there! yeah- just checking! mmm-hmm!

    Sorry- I ate all the brownies, and brought the rest to Kim’s house on Sunday…I could always make more though…it was funny- everyone would

    go to eat a brownie, and then stop and ask me if there was “anything else” in the “brownies”! (why do our friends only do that to me???)

    love you, talk to you soon!

    me

  5. Sunday, March 30, 2003

    today is miss tiffany’s nineteenth birthday 

    tiffany is turning 19lots of people write me. some chat with me. almost everyone is nice to me.

    im not sure, but i think i like conversing the best with girls. for the most part the girls are nicer than the boys. i like nice people.

    then i like talking with people here in LA the most too cuz then we have that in common.

    well tiffany is a nice girl. she lives in irvine and goes to school at uci like dan the goose and ashleys roommates. only beautiful people become anteaters, it seems.

    i like the way that tiffany writes. she had two blogs but now only one.

    i like her pictures and her design. it seems like girls typically have way better design then boys.

    i also like it when people have no fear telling us their deepest thoughts and ideas about their life. i like it when people let us inside their little secret world. and tiffany isnt too worried, it seems, about letting us in.

    when she goes on vacation, tiffany drives right past my house and when she does she beeps her horn and waves.

    if im home i wave back.

    the other day she beeped and i saw she had a trail of balloons flying from the back of her convertible and it was sweet.

    when i was turning 19, i was chasing a punk rock girl who wasnt sure if she wanted me or not. turned out she did, but neither of us found that out till i was 21.

    anyway, happy birthday tiffany. i hope you had a great day today!! the only thing that could get me to blog on the day of rest is your big day.

  6. Saturday, March 29, 2003
  7. when people email me, a lot of time they ask about the ten bucks for a car project. 

    Q. how much do you have so far?

    A. today Doug from Off the Subject flowed, so we are up to $525. currently the money is earning 2%, but very soon i will invest it into two stocks. probably sunw and msft. your generosity will be at work! when we get another $500 i will put that in two more stocks. maybe you all can leave suggestions as to which ones.

    Q. i would donate, but im afraid you’re just going to buy weed with the money.

    A. if i wanted weed i would just go out more and i’d have it for free. i want a car.

    Q. the “Bounce Wit Me” photo essay was really great. Is that a copyrighted method or can the rest of us do it? I have one (with a different song) I was thinking of doing for when Bush gets canned in 2004.

    A. thank you. i didnt really like that photo essay much which is why i didnt really hype it. it is not a copyrighted method but people have been known to acknowledge me in one way or another. it is recommended, however, that if you do use that style that you email me once you post it, that way if someone writes in and says “this guy’s ripping you off,” i can say, nah, he emailed me, its cool.

    ultimately, i like it when people want to mimic something ive done or borrow from a style. it’s very flattering. very.

    Q. im a big fan of riley dog, i hear he’s moving.

    A. im a big fan too! yes the new url is http://www3.telus.net/public/slaidlaw/rileydog.html

    Q. whats the definition of a Hold?

    A. a Hold is credited any time a relief pitcher enters a game in a Save Situation, records at least one out, and leaves the game never having relinquished the lead.

    Q. why do you love raymi so much?

    A. i admire people who can do things that i cant. i could never be naked on the web.

    Q. what do you think of this blog

    A. i like it. good writing. good design. i wish i knew how to design like that.

    Q. mlb starts on sunday. how are the cubs going to do?

    A. sosa will hit 61. belhorn will hit 40. wood will win 20 games. cubs will beat the yankees in 7 games in october. chicago will burn down again and i will be on top of the sears tower roasting marshmellows.

    then they’ll repeat.

    flow the busblog

  8. Friday, March 28, 2003

    in the days of chimpanzees i was a koala. 

    its been a long night here at the xbi and rarely do i write you from here.

    it’s quiet here. the wind isn’t blowing any more. it’s warm. i think i have a quasi-date tonight. not so sure.

    im so olde that even if she cancels on me i wouldn’t care one way or another.

    crazy, huh?

    if you saw the chicks that i couldn’t care less about, you’d ask me if i was gay.

    maybe i am if that’s the litmus test.

    im just olde and lazy and so tired by the end of the day that im not so crazy about going on new dates any more even with girls i have no business being with cuz theyre magical and amazing and whatever and whatever.

    im sick of telling the story of my life over and over and over.

    im so happy when hot babes who read this blog want to date me. im shocked half the time and i ask them why they never left any comments and they usually say its cuz they didn’t feel like they had anything to say.

    oh theres the maintenance crew. i never see these people. im either up in the air or gone by now. im hardly ever at my desk any more, something i like.

    i like you. i like all of you. even the retards. whatever to the rest of you. jk.

    anyhow i feel like a burrito with extra guacamole, i feel like a big coke, i feel like a kiss and a hug and a cute girl with long hair to hold my hand as i fall asleep watching whatever foreign film she picked up in her sports car on the way to my hollywood cabana.

    i feel like making lust.

    but maybe next week.

    brit coal

  9. had a couple drinks after work tonight. 

    got out into the wind and the cold. and walked a block and turned around to see if a bus was coming. ha!

    walked a few more blocks then started to run cuz i get hyper and i wanted to let the wind push me.

    my backpack was heavy and i was a little buzzed but im a man, i can handle it.

    some fucking bullshit was happening on the other side of the street and i ignored it.

    got tired around the hollywood video and started walking, turning around at each busstop to see if there were any lights appearing at the horizon, none.

    saw two women cops descending a staircase. they walked to their black and white and the doors were unlocked and the taller woman gave me a good look as she got into her car. a good look.

    id never seen two women cops as partners before.

    we sure didn’t have that at the xbi.

    kept walking.

    passed my barbershop but it was dark in there. it was late. no busses were coming so i crossed the street and thought about going to burger king, but then remembered there was a burger king right by my house.

    then a bus came. it was crowded. i was hungry. i saw a lot of people on the bus and none of them were happy. i sat down next to someone who was asleep and continued reading ball four.

    ironically i got to a part in the book where bouton was talking about being in berkeley in may ’68, and it made a really good book even better.

    “This afternoon Gary Bell and I hired a car and drove up to the Berkeley campus and walked around and listened to speeches–Arab kids arguing about the Arab-Israeli war, Black Panthers talking about Huey Newton and the usual little old ladies in tennis shoes talking about God. Compared with the way everybody was dressed Gary and I must have looked like a couple of narcs.

    “So some of these people look odd, but you have to think that anybody who goes through life thinking only of himself with the kinds of things that are going on in this country and Vietnam, well, he’s the odd one. Gary and I are really the crazy ones. I mean, we’re concerned about getting the Oakland Athletics out. We’re concerned about making money in real estate, and about our families. These kids, though, are genuinely concerned about what’s going on around them. They’re concerned about the way things are and they’re trying to change them. What are Gary and I doing beside watching?

    “So they wear long hair and sandals and have dirty feet. I can understand why. It’s a badge, a sign they are different from people who don’t care.

    “So I wanted to tell everybody, ‘Look, I’m with you, baby. I understand . Underneath my haircut I really understand that you’re doing the right thing.’”

    got to my stop and got off.

    it was windy and cold. i had wished that i had a little better jacket.

    and i wished that i had taken my leftovers out of the fridge.

    got on the subway and saw an old black woman with power on her ankles and lots of silver hair streaming out of her winters coat hood.

    she also had a blanket.

    richest country in the world. i put my head down and read some more of the book.

    lots of times when i read i end up thinking about other things.

    i thought about a billboard off melrose recruiting lapd, super huge it said starting salaries $48,000 – $62,500.

    got off on sunset. why not.

    walked down to the wendys, restaurant was empty. good. woman was cleaning the tables. good. woman was moping behind the counter. uh oh. went for the door. locked.

    walked around to the drive thru window.

    waved at one of the girls. she waved back, disappeared behind a stack of buns.

    i waited in the drive thru, dipped into my wallet and pulled out $5 so everyone inside could see that i was a man with money.

    saw a homeless man hiding from the wind against the side door of the wendys. he was wrapped in sheets. i easily recognized him as mr. scratchy cuz he was always taking folded up notebook paper and scratching at his clothes with it.

    i thought to myself, if this girl comes back and serves me, then i will give mr. scratchy my change.

    no one was coming.

    a woman mopping was started when she saw me at the window and jumped back.

    she made two handed hand gesture.

    then she mouthed cars only.

    i gave mr scratchy the five and thought that there had to be something wrong with only serving people who drove cars.

    legally, that is.

    finally got home and got a phone call from you.

    hi.

    diary of an adulterer + bored housewife + raymi, my love

  10. Thursday, March 27, 2003

    it’s windy as a bitch today in hollywood 

    windier than i ever have seen it.

    whenever you see me talking about the weather you should know that it’s code for something else.

    my mom talks in this code all the time, but in much more detail.

    she’ll tell me all about the snow in chicago or the mini heat wave, or how the rain is helping out her flowers, but usually it’s about the terrible cold.

    the weather in LA is usually beautiful, but even if it wasnt im not sure how interesting talking about the weather would be even if it was varied like crazy.

    hot chick from the east coast was telling me the other day that it was warm in her town, it was 56.

    i told her it was cold in my town, it was 57.

    good part about wind in hollywood at this time of year is that it clears the old dry dead palm fronds from the palm trees.

    you will be able to see them spread out generously on the streets today.

    the other day i was reading a web page and there was a link to me. the person wrote how one of their friends had been hyping me for a while and it took a while to get into me, but one day “saw the light.”

    it made me happy. then i went into the comments and i read this:

    #3 01:16 am

    It took me a long time to get into Pierce. I used to visit once, then leave and forget about the site, then come back again weeks later, then leave again and then one day I just saw the genius of it and was hooked.

    BL

    #4 02:35 pm

    Yeah. I’ve been doing that for months.

    All of a sudden you’re like “Damn, this is blogging.”

    B

    have i told you that i love you all?

    i do.

    the ward + katie + how to be hip