1. Thursday, March 13, 2003

    some days your life is just terrible. 

    some days all the angels and saints take a smoke break and stop watching your back and you never really notice that theyre theyre until theyre not there. sorta like clean water.

    im not a victim and im not fishing for compliments, im just typing the truth about things.

    sometimes i do type about the truth.

    somebody told me to my face today that i was lying to him.

    most fucked up thing was not only was i being truthful, but i was being truthful in a way that wasnt making me look very good. i was admitting blame. i was explaining that i wasnt perfect and what i had done wasnt totally awesome, but it also wasnt as totally horrible as it was being painted out to be.

    and what we’re talking about isnt like the crash of the space shuttle or the little girl who got the wrong blood during her operation, but it sure felt that bad to this person and eventually it felt that bad to me.

    and this is one reason why certain men repress their emotions. and it’s also one reason why some men lash out.

    this man represses and then when theres a government mandated fifteen minute break types and writes about a better time.

    a time where little boys rode bikes in the middle of the street past little boys selling lemonade at their doorstep as the wind blew around dandilion thingies and the sun shined bright all day.

    no clouds ever, unless you wanted something to look at.

    a time where kite flying was a whole project of actually making the kite out of dowel rods, string and wrapping paper and glue.

    a time before any of you.

    but it woulda been nice if you’d been there.

    and man would it be nice if you were here now.

    cuz now is killing me.

    on a lighter note, this guy steals from me. i find it funny.

    audioblogging from iraq!