1. Sunday, April 27, 2003

    brian: if you had a few more scantily clad women you’d be the howard of the blogs. 

    tony: difference is, i know these people.

    brian: word

    kitty bukkake just ran the boston marathon. whats kitty bukkake doing running the boston marathon.

    she is from mass, and she is a marathon runner, i guess.

    last year i knew four people who ran the la marathon. three were from mass and they were all girls.

    sadly none of them allowed me to see closely the positive effects of marathoning on a young woman’s physique.

    the closest i got was the closest you got, which was last years picture of kitty with her nice medal.

    you totally deserve a medal for running a damn marathon. especially if it does that to your body.

    you know the problem with the tribune corp who owns the la times, is they forgot what they grew up with.

    i grew up with mike royko. and if he was 109 years old and had hot friends, not only would he have a sweet blog on the chicago tribune, but he’d put up sweet pictures of his hot friends.

    not only does the tribune corp not have a blog, but no way in hell would they 1) show sweet pics of their hot friends, 2) let some fool post at 3:21am on a saturday night after a second drunken night with the girl next door, or 3) let him type bukkake.

    sad thing is, if i did have a blog on the la times, it would be so hard to write because i couldnt type bukkake even though thats what la times readers would probably like to know.

    me, i want to know everything. i scour the web in all of my free time. imagine if there was something interesting and worthwhile every damn day from your hometown newspaper.

    in all of los angeles, i pass the newsstand and the times looks up at me and i look down and i say in all of los angeles, this is the best that you can give me?

    met this hot chick at the ivar last night. we stared at each other because we thought we recognized each other. turned out she lived next on the next block. next door, practically.

    probably the hottest chick in the whole club and there she was talking to me and sitting back on the couch like she actually wanted to be there.

    she was doing 151s and coke and la may be my lady but baccardi is my baby.

    did three, no problem. had two beers. we laughed. i smiled so much it was like i had no other expression.

    she went outside to smoke and we started making out

    as an experiment, thank you.

    i have this theory that if you think a girl is hot see if you still think that way after she kisses you with smokers breath.

    sometimes they retain their hotness.

    tradegy struck this morning, however, as i realized that i had no more memory about the evening than that smokers breath experiment.

    and there being a secret balcony upstairs at the ivar, which leads to the roof

    which leads to please let there be on in my wallet

    which leads to thank you for being there

    then no more memory. then quick flash of me tossing the used one by a swirly vent and her taking pictures.

    then her friends limo then jack in the crack curly fries then thank you limoman

    then my floor then my hallway then my bed but just places memory, thats all you have?

    ah yes and the condoms.

    all my brain seems to worry about when completely wasted is birth control.

    i dont think any music was put on the boom box. i dont think any candles were lit.

    you know how sometimes you might be dreaming and that person changes into another person.

    did i call this girl by the wrong name, did i say anything lame

    i wanted to ask her all of these questions today when she came back but she was with her friend and they both got me drunk again and all we did was laugh and tell ghost stories with the lights off like dorks.

    while having a breath holding contest, her friend barfed which is usually a buzz kill, in the dark, at least at my place.

    so the one chick took her limo back to the valley and the neighbor walked herself back around the block.

    and heres something else you’ll never see in the la times blog

    and her momma deserved a medal for making that girls ass

    kitty bukkake + no creativity