people ask me how much of this is true and i tell them none and then they don’t believe me.
i never get to play major league baseball. i never get to hit three run home runs. i never get hit in the head by some soloman torres chin music that ends up cracking my helmet.
i pretty much just fly chopper one all day, take the bus home, and watch tv. i guess i cant expect wild craziness to happen if im just sitting on my ass pausing live tv on my damned tivo and taking pictures of palm trees and traffic lights.
heres what my astrology says for this week:
Libra for the week of April 17, 2003 by Rob Brezney
My acquaintance Judith decided to go all out in helping her daughter sell Girl Scout cookies. She filled her garage with cases of all nine varieties in preparation for a marketing onslaught on friends and neighbors. Then one night disaster struck. Raccoons exploited a hole in the roof to break in and plunder the stash. But while the marauders ripped open boxes of every cookie type, they ate only one: the Samoas, also known as Carmel deLites, which are covered in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut, and laced with chocolate stripes. In the coming week, Libra, I urge you to be like those raccoons in this one regard: Unleash your passionate hunger very precisely. Don’t go after what you sorta kinda like; pluck only the treats you long for with all your heart.
So what do i long for with all my heart?
a great job that pays me a bunch of money? for the Cubs to win the world series? world peace? for my afro to return to even more glorious splendor? a super hot bisexual girlfriend who is constantly trying to impress me?
a house, a car, a horse, a bar, no more spam, all the local channels across the usa on my directv at a reasonable price?
a nice big fluffy dog named Ruffy?
71 comments on every post that i write from people who want to tell me how cool i am and how beautiful moxie is?
a good cd from beck that sounds more like odelay and less like mutations?
for my phone here at the office to stop ringing since i have a hangover?
for the cute girl in the typing pool to ask me out to koo koo roo for lunch?
to get an interview to work on the howard stern show?
to get to blog for a living while traveling the world?
for the fcc to say that boobies on cable tv are ok, since they are just boobies after all and since we live in america after all, the land of the free and home of the brave after all and they’re just boobies and kids don’t need as much protection from boobies as we thought?
for my aunt to know that i love her and i was happy that she called me on easter even though i haven’t talked to her in probably 75 years?
yes, i think i would want that one, mr. astrology man.