1. Thursday, April 3, 2003

    tall skinny girl was waiting for the subway with me today 

    i was shocked. what a pleasant surprise. i was actually running a little early.

    she looked cute. shorter hair than i remember. wasn’t as pissed off. not as punk rock looking.

    i wanted to stand next to her and wait for the subway with her but that wouldn’t be my style with her.

    my style is to ignore her when close up and admire her from afar.

    craziest thing is shes not even that amazing looking. theres just something about her that makes me nervous as hell. i love that feeling.

    i know girls like boys who are full of confidence, but i like girls who make me all nervous.

    at wilshire vermont i lost her. at first i thought she was gonna take the bus so i went to the stairs (the elevator has been broken all week) and i didn’t see her climbing the stairs so i went down to the wilshire western subway train and didn’t see her there so i climbed the stairs to the bus.

    nothing.

    no tall skinny girl, no nothing other than a bunch of losers like me commuting in the early cold spring morning of koreatown.

    took the express bus down wilshire, got off where i normally do and walked past a local bus stop.

    gorgeous girl there.

    tight jeans. tight white blouse. amazing heels. pretty, sweet face. it was getting warmer.

    i strolled past her and turned around and asked myself, why are you avoiding the girls that you like?

    i asked myself, why must you only date cheerleaders and chicks who write you off your website?

    so i stopped and waited with her at the stop.

    i was under the bus stop, proper. the sun was shining so i was getting a little shade which was helpful since i had a jacket on and a fleece shirt underneath it, and since i was nervous, i was sweating a tad, but not really.

    she looked at me, looked past me, then looked at me again.

    then she walked into the covered area with me.

    shit you not.

    all the negative thoughts went flowing through my brain.

    shes too young. she wont like you. its a set up. she has a penis. she has bad breath. shes going to boarding school. she doesn’t like boys. she has diseases. her dad will kill you. she rides the bus. You ride the bus!

    the bus, thank God, wasn’t coming any time soon.

    i had to say something. but what do you say?

    sweet ass you got there. damn!

    so i said the thing that i have learned works every time. every time, people.

    i really like your shoes.

    she smiled and said thanks and moved closer.

    she has the teeth of a teenager, my negative thoughts told me.

    are those suede? i asked.

    uh huh. she said and smiled very brightly, looked at the bus and then back at me and twirled her hair behind her ear.

    i looked away.

    the bus came.

    she sat near me.

    i got off at my stop.

    and this is why i sleep alone.

    bukkake + sk smith + nevada north