1. Friday, April 4, 2003

    well the war’s still going on 

    so to protest it i will continue to put up pictures of hot girls. today we gaze upon bellies and legs of ms. paris and nikki hilton, porn star names if ever i saw em.

    fell asleep last night while finishing up the website of los angeles’s best attorney, but i promise it will be done this weekend.

    i have no idea why im slacking on it. my attorney has been so wonderful to me, and has never complained at my medicraty. maybe its because she knows that in real life im americas biggest loser.

    which is interesting. ive had several supervisors who have complained to me that i try to come across as “mr. cool.” and i look around and i think who the hell are they talking about?

    my mom buys most of my clothes, and she still shops for them in the same places that she bought me clothes when i was 8. sears. most the time these trendy threads are wrinkled because i leave them in the laundry hamper.

    my hair has always been a joke.

    i either wear white sneakers or black ones.

    i mispronounce words worst than i spell them.

    i love sports so much i play online internet fantasy games.

    im a tv junkie.

    i stay at home way more than i go out.

    my house is a mess pretty much at all times. i dont read books. im a born again Christian. and my newest favorite hobby is gardening.

    none of these activities add up to the doings of anyone named mr. cool.

    and yet somehow i continue to be levied criticism of always “trying to look cool.”

    theres nothing cool about me, other than my friends. i have the coolest friends.

    im wearing a raiders beanie which on most people makes them look tougher, on me it makes me look cold and pin-heady. it cost me $5 at the subway stop.

    my sunglasses have flames on the side stickered on. those, too, cost me five bucks.

    mr. cool’s bicycle is broken.

    mr. cool doesnt have a date for this weekend and isnt all that upset about it. maybe thats a little cool, but not really.

    mr. cool needs to toast his bagel from a bag of five that he got from the ninety nine cent store.

    mr. cool loves you all.

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