1. Thursday, May 1, 2003

    fuck the pick n roll 

    fuck the bounce pass, fuck the set shot, fuck the underhand free throw, fuck greg ostertag and jeff hornasek, and fuck utah for keeping the name the Jazz after they got up and moved out of new orleans for salt lake.

    the utah jazz is the example for mediocraty in sports, and even though jerry sloan was a chicago bull when i grew up there and i went to his basketball camp, and he took a picture with me, and autographed it, fuck jerry sloan for not doing what it took to adjust to magic’s showtime lakers, mj’s triangle offense, the twin towers in san antone, or the new look lakers with kobe and that other guy.

    bloggers all over slc should be raising their fists in unison while drinking coca cola and denouncing the stockton and malone era with a hearty fuck you.

    my (legitamate) children will never pretend to be the mailman rolling off a high screen in the driveway of our home awaiting a pass as they head for the hoop, and i will be glad. what they will do is walk backwards from the charity stripe in measured steps so that they can attempt a slam like mj.

    what they will do is practice their baseline 360s like kobe.

    what they will do is pretend to win back to back titles like the admiral Dream.

    the only time they will even mention stockton or malone is while taunting their younger siblings who theyve just defeated, mercilessly.

    i dont have anything against the good people of utah, dont get me wrong.

    some of my best friends are losers.

    i do have a problem with owners who see their future hall of famers aging and do very little to help them get the ring that they sorta deserve.

    how is it that the dallas mavericks were able to build the great young team that they have in only a matter of years? dumb luck? i dont think so.

    couldnt the jazz have gotten some of the clippers that donald sterling was so happy to unload year after year? how come michael wasnt given the royal treatment to join the jazz the way he joined the wizards? why is elton brand playing at staples instead of the delta center?

    when you have two superstars who have done nothing but bring class (except for the lame AIDS ignorance that malone spewed when magic announced that he had HIV) and style and grace and muscle to your hapless little team for nearly 20 years, there comes a time when you should feel like you owe them a little loyalty in return via free agents or trades, cuz lord knows the jazz hasnt been able to draft smart in a long time.

    here’s their first round picks over the last two decades: 2002 — Ryan Humphrey, Notre Dame; 2001 — Raul Lopez, Real Madrid (Spain); 2000 — DeShawn Stevenson, Washington Union HS (CA); 1999 — Quincy Lewis, Minnesota, Andrei Kirilenko, CSKA (Russia), Scott Padgett, Kentucky; 1998 — Nazr Mohammed, Kentucky; 1997 — Jacque Vaughn, Kansas; 1996 — Martin Muursepp, Kalev Talinn (Estonia); 1995 — Greg Ostertag, Kansas; 1994 — None; 1993 — Luther Wright, Seton Hall; 1992 — None 1991 — Eric Murdock, Providence; 1990 — None; 1989 — Blue Edwards, East Carolina; 1988 — Eric Leckner, Wyoming; 1987 — Jose Ortiz, Oregon State; 1986 — Dell Curry, Virginia Tech; 1985 — Karl Malone, Louisiana Tech; 1984 — John Stockton, Gonzaga.

    nice job losing, jazz, now that you have lost your anchors you wont have the misery of losing in the playoffs year after year after year, because you wont make it there any more.

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