but today i was woken up by a phone call from my favorite magazine, Black Webmaster.
the woman on the other end said that i was being nominated as best black blogger and she wanted to set up an interview with me.
we ended up doing the interview right there, why not.
she asked me if i had ever been in any rock bands. i said yes. i told her about this band i was in called the burglars.
we’d book a band called something dumb like White Ivory and we’d have four of our friends dress all emo and start playing the first few seconds of their first song, then we’d run onstage with some burly dudes who’d knock White Ivory down on the ground, put their hands behind their backs and pull them off stage where we, the Burglars, would run onstage in black turtlenecks and ski masks and play 15 two-minute punk songs in 20 minutes and then run off while stealing the equipment.
then she asked me about why i lie so much in my blog.
i told her that there is a natural defense to keep ones private affairs private, and if you’re doing something as ridiculous as
and then i couldn’t go on any more.
im no good at interviews. i don’t want to sound dumber than usual i told her.
she invited me to relax. classy chick.
then she asked me what i would like on the cover if i won.
i said that i would just want a picture of my butt on the cover, nude.
that way i could make a tshirt of the magazine cover and it would say kiss my black ass, im on the cover of my favorite magazine.
she asked me what camera i use.
i said, canon powershot s45, but don’t blame them, im still learning how to use it.
she asked what computer i have.
i said a piece of shit 400 mhz p2, win 2k, but im upgrading soon.
she asked me what i would be doing if i wasn’t a black webmaster.
i told her that i would be growing medical marijuana for the sick, wherever it is that they do that. rarely do you get to do something that so literally helps people during their worst suffering and probable death.
she asked me if i had a green thumb.
i took a picture of my little houseplants that were doing very well.
she asked me if i had ever tried to grow pot, i told her no, that i saw friends get busted for that in college and it was pretty harrowing because i was ironically having a bad trip on acid at the time.
she asked me again how much on my blog was true.
i told her nothing.
she asked if it was true that three of my ex girlfriends were at the tsar show last week?
i said yeah jeanine aj and chris, i should of taken a picture.
she asked why i thought i still have good relationships with my ex’s
i told her that its my belief that they keep me around as a low water mark. if they think some guy they’re doing is a loser, they’ll compare him to me and feel better about things if he’s not worse.
she asked if it was true that i had given jeanine a good long kiss in the middle of spaceland that night.
i said yes, but its a rare thing. once every lunar eclipse. but our love is very strong.
she asked if i had been to jeanines new beachside apartment yet.
i said no.
she said why not.
i reminded her that i don’t have a car.
she said, the winner of black webmaster this year gets free gas for a year.