1. Thursday, May 15, 2003

    im grateful that i dont belong to a religion where old men kiss me. 

    im grateful that i dont belong to a cuntry where they make the kids hold up pictures of religiouslypolitical tyrants i mean leaders.

    im grateful that i dont belong to a country where you’d get strung up for saying fuck the president fuck the president fuck the commander in theif fuck him fuck his pappy fuck his pappys pappy.

    im grateful that i live in a country where i can get two Beck tickets on the front grass sextion of the Santa Barbara County Bowl with the stars above me and the warm air cruising off the mountains and it all cost just under a hundred bucks.

    im grateful that i live in a country where i can go to the newsstand and see pictures of naked people, i can go to the video store and rent tapes of naked people, and make a phone call and invite a bunch of naked people over to my house, but i cannot see naked people on my television without paying an extra $15 a month.

    im grateful that i live, wait, im not entirely grateful for that last statement.

    im grateful that i live in a country where i can lose $8 Trillion dollars, no shit, $8 Trillion dollars, and have the president appoint me to do my job for two more years.

    fuck the president fuck the president, fuck his drunken daughters.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where blowjobs from cheerleaders arent illegal – anymore.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where Black men can walk down the streets with white women and not get hung – anymore.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where morons still have a chance to flourish financially, politically, musically, theatrically, and literally — but especially religiously.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where i dont have to even worry about buying a car radio because every rock station completely sucks ass.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where christina aguelera calls home because i lust her. god do i lust that dirty girl.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where we are so prosperous that not only is everyone overweight, but we have such issues about our bodies that many people have eating disorders where they are convinced that they’re overweight even though theyre perfectly healthy.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where nobody has any self esteem so they either turn terribly meek or irritatingly aggressive.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country that has nothing better to do than to worry about Tommy Chong’s bong business, and confederate flags, and tied up all star games – and ignores things like poverty, poor education, and the designated hitter rule.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where a guy like pete rose can get more hits than anyone in the history of baseball and not get in the hall of fame – for any reason.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country that’s helping the buttcrack become the new cleavage.

    i’m grateful that i live in a country where shunned fbi agents have a place to go to fight crime once theyre kicked out of the agency.

    singe out west + la blogs + the french amour me + kitty stokes the foot fetishers