1. Thursday, May 15, 2003

    im learning that im nothing without my computer 

    got home, warmed up some weekend pizza, drank some diet pepsi, turned on the 76er game and laid on my couch.

    knock on the door. one of the academy girls came by with some porn and some penne pasta. she asked if she could sit and talk with me. i said no, maybe next time. all she ever wants to do is ask why i dont want her as my girlfriend. she looks a lot like monica belluci (pictured) except with blonde hair. im tempted one of these days to ask her to dye it black (or quit dying hers blonde) but im too shy. deep down im very shy.

    she asked if she could kiss me and i said on the cheek. she said, only on the cheek? and i said fine, what the hell, and she gave me a good freedom kiss and i noticed something different. my girl had gotten a tongue pierce! wow! still that didnt hold my attention long enough and all i wanted to do was play around on my computer, so i showed her to the door and worked on that tongue pierce one last time, and watched her stroll down my little rock path through the security gates and into visitor parking.

    popped open the porn, put it in, and toaster ovened some more za.

    it was an amateur film. amateur meaning that there wasnt a set, no story, no plot. just a hand held camera. the first girl was a pretty girl. skinny. long brown hair. french.

    the guy she was going to do is a famous porn star. he spoke into the camera and explained that the girl didnt know much english and she giggled and he made up a dumb joke about the language of love.

    she got up off the bed, and did a little strip tease to a really bad blues song that played off a boom box. really bad tune. like it was her brother’s band.

    apparently this was all being shot in the guest room of the famous porn star’s home. i get weird thoughts when i watch porn. last night i thought, “can he write off part of his house because he films in there? can he write off the bed? can he write off his porn star clothes?”

    soon she was nude and on top of the dude. he had gray hair. i wondered if the girl was creeped out even in the slightest that he could be old enough to be her dad. after a few minutes it became obvious that she wasnt at all freaked out.

    he was doing stuff to her and she moaned, oui. oh, oui.

    the blues music stopped and all you could hear was him saying dirty things to her and her saying oui. i thought that i would like to see the transcript.

    i noticed that he had a notch in his sack. obviously he had gotten a vasectomy. i thought that there would be no way that i would ever get one of those. ever. what happens if aliens fly down to earth and need to round up a few good men to help populate a planet of amazonian women from another world who desperately need jizm. the boy scouts taught us to be prepared. it’s one lesson i have never forgotten.

    be prepared.

    other day this beautiful girl wanted to make sweet love to me and because i was prepared and had a condom in my wallet, i was able to fulfill her request. thank you, boy scouts.

    fell asleep to the porn before the two actually finished. work has been hard on me. life has been hard on me. typically when i get home i can fire up the computer and read the emails, chat with the good people and create fun stuff and become refreshed from that good energy.

    without my lovely entree to all things good, i am a couch potato. im an olde man. despite my rage, im still just a– woke up to american idol. three kids were on the screen.

    fell back asleep.

    dirty fez + jaded girl + random fixation