1. Tuesday, June 17, 2003

    as you can clearly tell 

    i have been off my game for quite some time now. thats not to say that ive had any game to begin with, but the luck has definitely run out and ive exhausted all the resources to plagiarize from.

    coincidentally clipper girl found out that her timeshare in maui had a few extra days on it and invited me out there if i could get a cheap plane ticket.

    thanks to the good people at the xbi travel agency i was able to purloin a first class roundtrip dealie that gets my ass out of here late-lunch-ish returning early sunday morning in time for church.

    clipper girls cousin will be accompanying me.

    shes a gemini and you know how i feel around gemini girls.

    i heart them.

    a long time ago there was an fbi training session that i was exposed to that was super psychological and emotional and spirtual and newagey and all that wrapped up in one disguised as tank battle game in the middle of death valley.

    we learned how to drive and shoot tanks and we even learned a little about ourselves along the way.

    one of our instructors was a buddhist monk. zen buddhism. i learned a lot about zen poetry from that man and i appreciate it.

    he said that americans, especially american superheros often relied on their reactive skills more than their meditative skills. he suggested that we didnt prepare our minds as well as we had prepared our bodies before we went on our assignments.

    so before we climbed into our tanks he had us sit in front of the tank, cross-legged, and think to ourselves what our purpose of entering the tank was going to be.

    he asked us to meditate on what experience we wanted to take away from the exercise and what we were willing to give to the process.

    lots of us thought it was a load of shit but he could read our minds and bitchslapped us and reprimanded us.

    the purpose of entering a tank isnt to blow up every evil motherfucker alive, he told us. each mission has a totally unique desired result and very few assignments in life require the death of our adversaries.

    the xbi isnt so crazy about the training i got in that desert but it has stuck with me and when i board the hawaiian airliner and take my first sip of rum n coke i will close my eyes for a few minutes and clear out any distracting thoughts and i will meditate on what i want to accomplish in maui, other than clippergirl’s cousin.

    one thing is i want to come back strong to the blog.

    the other thing is i want to figure out what i want to be doing professionally. as in soon. as in by this summer or right near the end of it. cuz this xbi stuff, as nice as it is that theyre sending me away ha ha is hurting my soul and it affects my blogging.

    and we cant have any of that.


    totally awesome + greg vaine, baby photographer + moxie