1. Sunday, June 29, 2003

    bunnie can do it 

    and shes a girl, so i can definitely break a piece off. clippergirls cousin called me drunken and cutesy but she doesnt know that thats not what im looking fur. ive dropped the eighteen to twentyfives outta my friendster cuz they just dont get it. its noon its hot. last night she wanted to come over and watch tv which means makeout and i dont know why i push her away but i do. its the same as the other ones. some girls you want to make out with and thats it some gurls you want to girlfriend and thats it some gurls you want to marry and thats it. she i wanted to go to maui with and thats it and we did and we’re back and i just want her to go be her and me be me and of course i wanted to make out with her cuz shes great at it and has this magical way of kissing but im not gonna run around and kiss her and her cousin all summer and think im gonna get away with that. there are no free lunches and there are no free bjs you pay and pay and pay and some things are worth it and some arent and im not. its hot. hi summer. hi tony. hi smiley face. hi tony :) does it bother you that youre always sideways. nope :) does it bother you that people totally make fun of you and your cousins. nope :) are you always happy? yep :) can you do any imitations? yeah this is me being sad :( :) i got the new playboy today in the mail. the one with the survivor girls in it. i think if i was more conventional and “with it”, i would do little reviews of stuff. like the restaurants i ate at and the products i used and the tv shows i watch and of course the magazines i read.

    the new playboy makes me worried about the new playboy because it is now being edited by the former editor of fhm uk or maxim uk or something like that which on paper sounds like a perfect idea because for ever playboy had about 10 interesting pages out of 175 even though it was showing us the hottest girls in the world even though there would sometimes be naked celebrities even though they could talk about Anything in the world including ties briefcases british motorcycles jazz being cool and blah blah blah. they could interview celebs in a cool way, they could show us the sweetest clothes in a non gay way, and flow with the excerpts of books as yet to be released. semi sexy short stories, sexy advice, sexy news… and yet they hardly ever did. and sorry but the babes were rarely the hottest in the world. blasphemy? hardly. not only was there a humongous need for a breath of fresh air, but there needed to be a tent full of fresh air and i see that slowly thats happening as the new editor takes over.

    but this months worries me because they have pics of that fat wilson phillips girl who stapled her stomach and lost a ton of weight. and she looks good. thats the surprising thing. she cheated and she worked at it and the makeup and clothes are right and bam there she is all famous and skinnier and still a little roundy but looking fine all boobies sticking out and everything and what worries me is playboy doesnt make any mention of it on their cover. people dont want to see how the girl looks? playboy doesnt want to advertise that not everyone is going to be a size 2? have they forgotten that anna nicole smith has been on the cover over and over and she was never a waifer? have they forgotten that… whatever… theyve forgotten. theyre so worried about their pigskin previews that they have put the boobies on the backburner. look no further than the centerfolder.

    and the survivor girls look good. in real life. on tv. standing on a log begging for ice cream. and playboy used to do a great job of hiding the not perfect parts of their sweet tarts. but for some reason they want us to know over and over that jenna doesnt have the greatest boobs. they hide the fake tit scars of the blonde next to her, but they dont even think twice about posing the winner of the show like shes a winner.

    must i teach the world to sing?

    rule number one of playboys new management should be no old poses. its the female form. its the finest worksong. its the best money can buy and they dont even try. its all playboy pose #5 followed by playboy pose #6. its a reality show set in the woods. toss those two little tramps in the woods and have them out sexy each other. get twenty up n coming photogs to hide in the forest and gang photoshoot em. like a bukkake party but without the mess and degradation.

    take the ten best pics and put them in the mag. then take the next ten best pics and put them in the back. then take the next ten pics and put them on playboy dot com for free cuz in the world of the innernet i am never on playboy dot com and thats how you get me there. but i like what you did with their hair.

    cubs sox are on and my man sam wants me to see charlies angels with him after he wins a velvet armani sweat suit off ebay. its hot its summer im loving it. my sodas are chillin in the fridge and i have so much to do on the web site and blog that im thinking about saying fuckit and just taking that bus to the beach and taking picture after picture for your asses not cuz you deserve it but cuz i deserve it cuz it could have been so easy to just taken advantage last night and i didnt and it might not be tough for you but its tough for me and most the times i dont do it but last night i nearly did and by nearly i mean nearly as fuck.

    alecia + the ward + azarok