1. Wednesday, June 18, 2003

    the good thing about a blog is that you can say anything you want 

    and i try so hard not to talk about my work on here because its a serious job and dangerous and important, and because i just dont think that its good form to talk about the people who are around you most of your day, not because theyre not important but because thats where you make your money, thats what pays the rent, thats what keeps the tivo activated and the dsl on.

    and if there was a day that i wanted to write about my job and how great i worked and how little i was respected for it this would be the day.

    but since nothing in here is true i could tell you how work really was today, and how i was a master at my job and how the girls flirted with me, and how i cheered up the sad and how i bitched slapped the bad, and how they have player of the day awards and today after a long long time of waiting, i got one and everyone cheered and i got to dig into the bucket of change and i got to buy lots of candy and chips and soda out of the machine and i got to pick what the good night music was going to be, and after i did everyone danced and the prettiest girl told me that she had voted for me five weeks straight.

    and if you could really tell the truth in a blog and since im no different than anyone i could tell you that the xbi made a mistake with the maui tickets not a bad mistake just a little one. that for some reason the tickets didnt fly us out of lax, that we were being sent to maui from san diego. but it was ok. and i would have to rent a car, but it was fine. i didnt care. i rented the car, i hung out with karisa and watched tv quietly with her door open and her cats playing and then falling asleep, and then i went to my lawyers house and then i just drove around la listening to talk radio and wishing i wasnt so alone and woe is me.

    which of course is ridiculous because my phone rings off the hook and its this one then its that one. my friend came over and told me that i should go through my phone machine one day if i thought i was so alone and he clicked the button and it was one great friend, then another, then a rock star, then a young girl begging me to pick up the phone and then a hottie and then two hotties, and then someone wanting to make a movie with me, and then someone wanting to make a tv show with me, and then someone from canada, and then my fired maid, and then ashley and then ashley and then ashley.

    most people would be satisfied with that but im looking for more. im looking for this phone call from that person saying this thing. or this plea from this girl wanting this thing. its fucked up. worse is that people are saying those things just not the ones i want. worse is that i know better than all of this. that i do know how to bring it up a notch in every avenue of my existence. if this guy is saying why arent you being this i think to myself if i was that letter-of-the-law i would have turned you in years ago. but i let things slide.

    i let things slide for a long time. i give people chances. i give them second chances. some people i give a ton of chances and one day their chances are up. even then i say do this and alls well and they wont do it. some of them wont do it for years, and when they do they do it so half heartedly you wonder why they even bothered.

    i was insulted today and when i said so the woman didnt even seem phased, and certainly didnt apologize. and i hardly ever let those things bother me. but today i did Let it bother me and i tried to stop it but it was seeping over me like spilt oil across a marble floor. like baby piss across a dinner table. like cats in a rat factory.

    anna kournikova has been calling. i dont answer. she asks me why im not happy for her. she reminds me that i told her i wanted her to find true love. but now we get into personal business and all i have to say america is i have plenty of reason not to return her phone calls although it was pretty cool getting a telegraph so i did have to send her a reply to that.

    anyway sometimes when you stand alone you will be shot at. call it friendly fire call it a comeback call it my day to experience the fuct up, all i know is it wasnt fun even though my astrology begged me to enjoy it.

    today i will and i should look back and enjoy the fact that i got to see karisa today after far too long and i got to talk to rene who wants to see a movie with me and i got to help out ashley even though she will look at it as me being mean.

    and i got to drive a new car around a pretty sweet town.

    my town.

    which i’ll miss while im away.

    hollywood.

    madpony shops victorias secret