1. Wednesday, June 25, 2003

    i dont know how to feel about anything anymore 

    im very confused.

    i think most of it stems from the fact that i hate my favorite radio station, kroq 106.7 which plays crap after crap after crap.

    and everyone is a ho.

    and theres definitely not nearly enough pimpz.

    i want a fur coat and a louis vuitton cowboy hat and a cane and a little bling and some game.

    i want a gold cadillac that smells like corinthian leather inside that has a disco ball and a stand up coin op version of defender in the back and an eight track and a girl who really likes me, waiting.

    i want to go to memphis tennessee and drive my cadillac to elvis’s house and go to his gravestone and say, king, i wasnt into you when i was younger but i am now, and i think youre great, and im sorry about the pills and the way life goes down sometimes.

    i want to work at a dairy queen for a little while this summer.

    i want to wear a paper hat and grill up braizers and watch people fresh out of swimming pools huddled in their towels dripping and smelling of chlorine do the hot asphalt dance as they wait for their chocolate dipped soft serve to be presented from the walk-up window.

    i want a new summer job every week.

    i want everything, america.

    i want to work at a mental institute like karisa did.

    can we talk about karisa for a minute?

    k.

    yesterday she sent me some pictures of her weekend trip to vegas and she had a rash so she laid out in the sun like professor science and the suntan/burn killed the rash and gave her the most deep dark tropic tan

    and in this one picture her eyes are so perfect and those blue eyes surrounded by

    maybe we shouldnt talk about karisa

    lets talk about pharrell from the neptunes, n*e*r*d, lets talk about everything that guy touches is perfect.

    how hes not afraid to go falsetto way too much but it doesnt matter cuz its the right thing to do.

    lets talk about how he can just wear any tshirt he wants and its great and how he can be sexy and even dirty but it dont matter.

    les talk about anything other than what im going to have to talk about today in real life.

    one of the biggest movie stars in the history of the world is gonna be at the office today and im going to be too busy to even poke my head in there.

    so last night i was miserable. havent been that miserable in a long time.

    i wanted to run home but the black man cant just start running. i wanted to take a cab home but i wanted to spend that money on taking karisa to dinner and drinking and eating away my dumb sorrows.

    and i got home and she called me and we talked and everything was better, not completely, but enough.

    and then my buddy greg vaine called who had edited a short little movie that we made together and he told me that he wanted to make another dream come true and he had a date in july that he wanted to do it and i wanted to cry when i had gotten home but i dont cry.

    then a super hot girl came over and we watched the zep dvd and she had said that she had it at home but she didnt want to watch it alone and how everything that night was working out.

    and we toasted with our budweisers

    and tonight i will get to hang out with my pal amy who rules.

    and i might see layne.

    who has been crank calling me.

    and still i wonder what all this is about. what it means. what its for.

    cuz i thought i knew but now i forgot.

    im just ready to rock.

    chris howell + jason goldman + anita rowland