1. Wednesday, June 11, 2003

    i want to be a good writer i want to be a good person 

    i want to be a good writer i want to be a good man

    i wroter which is weak(r) she wrote back i wrote back she wrote back i wrote back she truth or dared me i truthed and dared her i want to be a good writer i want to be a good blogger i want to be i want to be i want to keep being me.

    shes a smart girl its obvious and pretty and confident even though young and smart and pretty and sexy iwant to be someone better i want to do something bigger i want to i want to i want to i cant believe how much i get to. she i hope understood what i was saying but theres no way she could understand what im saying. i want this computer to get fixed soon. the viruses have it pinned down but it keeps moving its head quick to the left cheek then quick to the right cheek, headbutting when the virus gets too close to the lips, tounge slithering out, teeth glistening in the light of the tv.

    it might be old, like she isnt, but its just as feisty, just as strong. just as important to this sentence. and this one. and this paragraph. and the next one. i want to be better. i want to be faster i want to be sharper i want to be smarter.

    the birds are singing in the moonlight for some reason. are they hungry or horny the palm tree asks itself. faster. faster. harder. smarter. the dew and the breeze and the street sounds and pet sounds, the garbage and the homeless the scarecrow and the rainbow can only hear these little birds sing in the darkness and its not a song they know or cares to know we all just know that its hard to stay i say its hard to stay satisfied for more than a more of that more than this more than that its hard to stay satisfied for more than a minute so keep going keep growing keep working keep trying.

    peak upon peak upon peak and youre faster peak upon strength upon rock upon magical. she has a magical smile and courtney love eyes and a voice like raymi thats deep sometimes and grainy. she held herself she did well for herself she called herself a girl she proved her spot in this whirling and whirling and spining and turning i saw the i letter that said that i said i too much. touch too much. touch too much. i i i i too much. you suck too much. like incubus. you suck at us.

    i didnt want to meet elvis costello after i met paul westerberg. bruce climbed the fence at graceland, i stood in line at spaceland. sometimes the image the idea the day dream the ice cream is better in the mind than in the orange rind. he had orange rinds all over. he had his hands on his back he had guns in his rack we had guns at his back i said why the orange rinds he said xbi i said no such thing he started crying he said please dont kill me i said answer the question he said i didnt believe you existed i said feel your arm twisting he said dont touch my girlfriend i said you probably should stop moving he said for the weed i said what he said orange rinds orange rinds the whole place smelled of lemon peels i mean orange rinds this years potpourri the devil still owes me he said shes my true love i said this isnt about her quit talking about her you want to talk about her you dont want us to talk to her he said no no i said no one wants or needs her but what of these orange rinds.

    and the traffic from her bedroom is like a river except its the 2 she says tea i said nyet she says me i said wait she opened up a baggie and pinched off a peice and packed a big bowl and she said for both of us i thought xbi she said lets get high i thought xbi she said have you not tried i said i could die she said why now why i said xbi shit i said xbi.

    no wonder why.

    and i woke up and she was smiling i woke up and she was staring i woke up and i didnt know where i was right there with her and with you and with pink tv and dirty clothes and rolled up socks and pantyhose she said you were talking in your sleep i said i dont talk in my sleep she said you were on repeat i said what she said talk to me look at me talk with me look at me i said why are you saying that she says thats what you were doing i said what was i doing she said rhyming and stealing and repeating and circling and running through the strangest lists. i said like what she said you said i want to be better i want to be normal i want to be better i want to be ternal.

    she said do you want to write better i said i want to go getter she said do you want to go get her she said i want to go get her.

    laencantada + sepi + jarrett